DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

OP take him to your brothers. As this thread shows, some people just don’t realise what a pet means. Maybe your DP is in that category. In which case it’s more of a misalignment in your values than anything. I would be upset too.

personally I will be spending Christmas with my DP, DGoldenRetriever and DC(dear cats).

DGolden will be opening a sack of presents, wearing a paper crown and eating a full turkey dinner. There’s no way in hell he would be put in kennels while my heart is still beating!

There is no way you were able to comprehend the post if you found the title confusing, never mind the rest of the thread

So all dogs smell, I’ll just put it out there. Never once met a dog who didn’t smell like dog. Dog owners probably get used to it. They didn’t disinvite the dog, it was never invited to begin with. This is on your DP, not his parents. Your choice is to put the dog in a kennel for the day or not go to his parents.

@Hols25 to answer your actual question YANBU to be annoyed at your DP. He lied and at best was ignorant of the fact or at worst knowingly led to you spending Xmas alone. I would be peeved off too. If your brother would have your DLab, just go there - Xmas (for Me anyway) is about family no matter how chaotic it gets.

Yes your title is misleading but that’s not what the AIBU is actually about. At least you know in The future that Xmas with his parents will be off limits with the DLab and also that he lies ! That’s something for you to thjnk about

They haven’t uninvited the dog though, but your partner hasn’t been honest with you.

I agree. I think it's early days to be expecting of him that he wouldn't have Christmas with family. It's not as though she can't go along if she sorts out something for the dog - albeit I do appreciate the complications of that.

I think its a mistake to confuse his stuff up over not asking about the dog soon enough with an assumption he doesn't care about the op to an extent compatible with their relatively short relationship. A lot of people would have their Christmas separately at this stage.

Oh come now @Hols25 your boyfriend didn't expect his parents to say no to the dog and then they did. I'd give him.some slack.

I grew up with dogs but am not a dog person. I wouldn't agree to a dog coming to my home and always say no. Once or twice people have brought a dog without asking. We have a very large garage. I'll not have my cats upset.

This is very intense for a new relationship. They’ve only been together since June. Definitely not at that point yet.

It was confusing because it turned out that the dog didn’t have its invitation withdrawn - it was never actually invited in the first place, so couldn't have been "uninvited". @Catwalking was right.

There’s a thread on here at the moment about a son inviting his girlfriend round to his parent’s house without asking. It’s the same idea. It’s their house, not your partner’s. They decide, they are asked and they said no. It’s reasonable. You’re not a long term partner. I don’t see your response to the question if you live together. Parents have met you once, and perhaps haven’t met your dog.

Stay home with your dog and have a nice day. It’s not reasonable to view the parents as unreasonable because they don’t want the dog at their house during Xmas.

I would just stay home with your Labrador, have a nice lazy day together. Have a little Christmas lunch, go for a walk and then snuggle on the sofa watching Christmas films. You can stuff yourself silly with chocolates while your furry friend enjoys his doggy treats. My dogs don’t like kennels either.

If you haven't ensured your dog is confident enough to spend a few hours alone, then you've done them a massive disservice. Your dog has no idea that it is Xmas and never will.

It has never been normal for people to need to take their pets to dinner parties and the like. It is only now in the age of trigger warnings and time blindness that people take their dogs everywhere and think leaving them home is cruel. It's probably more cruel to drag your dog around people's homes than leaving them in their home for a few hours.

Before you ask, I have an Akita. I'd have got an Air BnB that I could stay with my dog with the intention of leaving them there while we have dinner. Boxing Day, I'd have suggested we all go for a walk with the dog.

LOL at 'sole custody'. It's a dog.

Yeah, I totally understand that dogs come as part of the family. But dog ownership comes with understanding that others may not want, or be able to, accommodate their dog - for a whole host of reasons, from cream carpets and sensitivity to smell, to allergies, phobias and having cats. The issue here is your dp.

A compromise would be staying somewhere nearby so your dog is without you for only a few hours rather than in kennels for a few days. You can't/ won't do that. So, the only other options available to you are 1. Staying home alone. 2. Going to your brothers.

Unless your ex, who doesn't have custody, will agree to having your DL?

I agree with this as well. DD had a boyfriend for 4 years, and both DD and the (now ex) BF never spent Christmas day together, nor did they expect to.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to be annoyed. You know your DP best, and it may well be he just forgot, but to me it sounds like more he didn’t bother to ask until too late as it wasn’t important to him to check. If it was his dog he’d have asked earlier but it wasn’t. His attitude of ‘it’s just one of those things’ also screams just not being bothered. The fact he didn’t sort this earlier has impact and he’s just ‘oh well’. I don’t know if I’m expressing this very well, but to me he sounds a bit ineffective and limited in his ability to think outside of himself. Maybe that’s completely wrong but I offer it as something to consider so you don’t waste time.

Agreed. It sets the emotional tone that OP is a single dog parent so therefore has no one else to have the dog. In reality, lots of single people have dogs; this has no bearing on anyone else to need to accept the dog comes with them any more than if they were not.

Might not smell to you - but for people who don’t have a dog, I can can tell you, it smells!

Your DP is a knob. He should have never told you it was ok to take a dog to someone else's house without asking them. So you're not unreasonable to be pissed off with him.

You're also not unreasonable to not want to put your dog in kennels if you don't want to. The dog will probably be fine but it's your choice.

His parents are not at all unreasonable to not want a dog in their house. Sorry, but all dogs smell. It's just dog owners get used to it. I like dogs but we don't have one of our own and I can smell if a house has a dog in it from the minute I walk in the door.

He made this mess up by being an inconsiderate son and partner. He doesn't have to go to his parents you know. He could choose to admit he's made an errror and caused a situation and choose to spend Xmas with you instead. I assume he's a selfish twat that hasn't considered that though.

Sounds like a simple misunderstanding. They happen.

Not everyone/everywhere welcomes dogs. Sometimes people with dogs choose not to go to those places. Both are completely okay.

I don't see that anyone has committed any particular 'wrong' here, or that a major issue needs to be created from it.

Not wanting a strange dog at your home on Xmas Day doesn't mean you're a dog hater or that you only care about things like carpets.

I love dogs. We have a dog. But I still politely declined my BIL's request to bring his dog on Xmas Day. And because he's a grown up, he accepted this and arranged boarding.

Xmas day is busy. We have a dog, 14 people in total including 2 young dc. Food everywhere, wrapping paper, music, it's loud, busy, merry chaos.

That is NOT the environment to bring a non-resident dog into. Absolutely not and it's unfair to try to.

Your dog doesn't know or care it's Christmas. Gain some perspective. Treating dogs as though they have human understanding, wants, thoughts and feelings often ends badly - they don't.

Sorry I can’t catch up on all posts there’s so many.

But I’ve seen people ask if my ex can have DL.

No is simple answer, unfair to ask him and unfair to confuse DL. The custody battle was stressful enough and he actually said he wouldn’t want to see him again as it’d be too hard.

Are you aware this is a dog you're talking about?

No? I thought I was on about a lizard

Are you having a laugh? I'm starting to think this whole thread is a really successful wind up 😂