DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Dogs aren't welcome in my house either, but my son would already know not to invite anyone's dog along.

All dogs smell.

There's no pile on, just folk pointing out actual facts.

There are some really self entitled dog owners on here who simply don't understand that a lot of people like dogs, but not enough to want to own one or have one in their home.

Why is that his responsibility?

I don’t think the dog is the issue here I think it’s his comment that it’s just one of those things. If he wanted to be with you he would find a compromise. Sorry OP, the situation sounds hurtful …

well I’m sure you and DL will have a lovely Christmas together

i find it odd that your partner has chosen to spend xmas with parents over you. Perhaps he doesn’t see it as a long term relationship?

I love dogs and used to have three until the last one died at the age of 18 last year.

But OP- all dogs smell and labradors tend to be friendly, smelly and slobbery. There is no way I would want a strange dog in my house- not least because I also have cream carpets and cats. I think expecting people to host your dog over Christmas is quite unreasonable.

I understand that your dog might not like kennels, but you need to find a solution- are you never going to go on a long weekend or holiday?

Your DP should not have fudged the issue of asking / not asking his parents about the dog until now and I would be annoyed by that. But I think this time at least you either need to find a solution or stay at home and have Christmas with your DP later.

@MrsLizzieDarcy don’t be ridiculous. Not being a dog lover doesn’t make you a bad person neither does being a dog lover make you a good person. What is there to be suspicious about?

26 pages in and this is the real issue, isn’t it? He doesn’t want to be with OP enough. The dog is a red herring.

As your Lab was never invited, (DP never asked his parents,…prob because he knew they wouldn’t want the dog), your title wording “uninvited” is confusing.

I don’t understand all these people seeing red flags because OP’s PIL don’t want a dog in their home for Christmas. What happened to the Mumsnet mantra of “their home their rules”? Are they expected to inconvenience themselves just to make the OP happy? I like dogs but I wouldn’t want them in my home

they have only been together since june
does this mean he doesnt get to spend christmas with his parents?

A close friend of mine had 2 dogs and I made them welcome in my house. Honestly never again. They were lovely dogs but it was so much extra work. They left a smell, ate out of the bin (which was a swing bin so covered) and they left lots of hair for me to clear up. It’s no one’s fault and I do love dogs but I just don’t have the time/ energy for extra work so dogs are no longer welcome in my house. I like dogs. I just don’t want them in my house.

I don’t think it’s a red flag the bf is going to his parents as you haven’t been together very long.

I think you should see if anyone wants to do a dog share so you can have a bit of flexibility if you want to go away. My partner shares my sisters dog with her. This just means he walks the dog twice a week because he doesn’t have time for his own dog. It helps my sister who is busy with young kids. Sometimes I go on the dog walks but it depends on my shifts.

It’s a dog, tie it up outside

I’m not sure that you are right for each other.
He has lied to you (red flag) and you have chosen to be with an animal over him at Christmas (red flag)
Time for both of you to think about it while you’re apart.

If the OP wants to spend Christmas with her partner, it’s going to have to go somewhere.

could you leave the dog in the car?

I’m a dog lover and I have one of my own, but it is unreasonable to ask it in the first place. Especially as his parents aren’t dog lovers. The mess if it’s raining, the shedding. Potential allergy issues. I’ve got a non shedder because we’re all allergic to shedding dogs. It’s sad to spend Christmas away from DL and I get that part. Do you think DP said yes assuming that would be the answer.
this may not help now, but to the future, Borrow My Doggy is great! We joined this after our dog went into kennels and was so distressed he cried for a week and it fed all his anxiety. BmD is home from home, often people who can’t have a dog full time. Our dog goes to a lovely couple and has a fabulous time

This is not just a Mumsnet thing, it's a very odd way to refer to a pet. Having custody of them. A Labrador is a BIG dog. I can't believe you'd expect someone to accommodate it over Xmas. Either find kennels or have a quiet Xmas with your pet. Who you own, not have custody of. Get nice food in, go for a long walk. It'll be lovely. Or find dog care for the day and enjoy the day with your partner's family. 2 reasonable options

I think it's fair that his parents don't want a dog at their house - did your partner just assume they would be ok with it? He's been a bit annoying. What would you have done had they not asked were you expecting him to be there with you?

Book DL in with a home stay not kennels. There are lovely people who will welcome your DL

I have a dog. I love her, but she is big and can be quite annoying tbh! I don’t cart her off to others peoples’ houses or restaurants - fortunately she can be left alone for quite a while without it being an issue.

There is far too much ‘my dog must come everywhere with me’ attitude these days.

Former dog owner. We never imposed our dog on anyone else.
And I loved our dog but did not want anyone elses’s dog in our house.