DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Doesn't mean other people have to put up with a dog because a custody parent has attachment issues

We all keep having the same argument whether it’s trans people or pets.. just because you see something as important to you doesn’t mean you can force it on other people.

If you get a dog and if you can’t put the dog in a kennel… then you have to accept that you are the inflexible one.

No offence OP, but I think it was a bit much even to think of bringing your dog along to this Christmas dinner at his parents’ house.
I’ve no relevant experience, but it strikes me as something which should depend on considerable familiarity with your hosts, and your romantic relationship being long established.
On first meeting though, I’d find the idea pushy, or certainly inappropriate.

(All that about bringing the dog along much later in the relationship would obviously only apply to hosts who are great dog lovers, without cats, and whose carpets and sofas are drool- and dirt-proof!
Anything less than wild enthusiasm should be counted as a refusal, in my book. Nobody who feels rather half-hearted about having a Labrador join them in the sitting room should be subjected to it!)

OP won't be spending Christmas alone. She'll be spending it with her dog.
Best decision in these circumstances and she'll have a lovely day doing exactly as she pleases as dogs don't sulk… they just want to be with you.
The DP and his parents sound like jerks.
Happy Christmas OP.

This is getting a little tedious. Either go or stay home, it is choice no matter how long the trip lasts. Go…. but looks like trip might be too long for dog to be at home = stay home.

Partner might be a bit disappointed, partners parents might/could be a bit bemused, but heck, if dog can’t go, and dog can’t stay home, you either stay home or make care arrangements for dog.

@Millytante

No offence OP, but I think it was a bit much even to think of bringing your dog along to this Christmas dinner at his parents’ house.
I’ve no relevant experience, but it strikes me as something which should depend on considerable familiarity with your hosts, and your romantic relationship being long established.
On first meeting though, I’d find the idea pushy, or certainly inappropriate.

As it sounds as though the only way OP could take them up on the invitation was to bring the dog then I don't see how it was unreasonable to ask. And she has met them. If OP had known it was a no back in October, she would have had time to make alternative arrangements and/or got a dog sitter. The fact is her DP has left her in the lurch virtually last minute and has compounded his wazzockness by shrugging his shoulders and saying "it's just one of those things". His lack of concern that OP may have to spend a few days over Christmas alone and his 'I'm alright Jack' attitude would give me pause about the relationship.

Oh you’re darn tootin’ right about the gormless boyfriend. (She says partner, but I trust they do not live together)
Douze points for ‘wazzockness’

Not sure how OP is being inflexible? She can't put the dog into kennels, it's too late to get a dogsitter and she was under the impression that the dog could come (having checked 2 months ago). What could she do to be 'flexible'?

YANBU to be upset.

He probably knew all along that his parents wouldn't want the dog there and was too chicken to tell you what he suspected would be their answer to the dog at Christmas question until it was too late for you to make another arrangement for yourself.

Your DP doesn't appreciate the bond between you and the dog, and he lacks assertiveness. I'd also be concerned about his integrity if I were you, and his lack of effort to persuade his parents would bother me too.

Why would they not prioritise their home environment over a dog??

I wouldn't put the dog in kennels and would just say you'll see your partner after Christmas then.

DLab is faultless, DP is a plonker. I’d insist he told his parents the truth so they don’t judge you based on this. Any chance you can head up with DLab for a Boxing Day walk?

What you do depends on how much you like DP! If you really like them and see a future, I'd be finding dog-friendly accommodation nearby and just going over for Christmas lunch without the dog, then meeting them for some nice walks either side and on Christmas morning or afternoon. Doesn't have to be a drama.

Hi OP, ignore all the comments about ..put your dog in kennels etc..your DP must know how important your DL is to you so he should have asked his parents. He probably knew they'd say No so.lied initially and then as Xmas got closer, realised he'd have to ask them.
But that's not the point. The point is, don't leave your DL. Your DL is important to you. You won't enjoy yourself if you're worrying about your dog. So put you and your DL first, go out on Christmas Day for a lovely long walk together and the rest of them can sod off

Dogs only make Christmas a magic celebration if you a. like dogs and b. aren't scared of them (plus those with allergies) so it isn't going to be the case for everyone.

If OP wouldn't enjoy Christmas without her dog, fair enough but that doesn't mean she gets to force her dog on other people who clearly don't want it there. Are they not allowed to enjoy Christmas? It sounds like they wouldn't with a dog there.

He wasn't uninvited - he wasn't invited in the first place.

As mentioned upthread, highly unlikely that OP would be able to leave the dog in the accommodation. Usually it isn't allowed to leave a dog unattended.

This close to Christmas it’s highly unlikely she’d find a good kennel with space!

go to your db's
you have only been with your dp since june so unless he stays at home with you, you quite reasonably cannot go to his parents

or can your ex have him?

You don't get it, do you?
I like dogs, but they are pets.
I adore cats, but they are still pets.

It isn't unreasonable to not want either in your house if they aren't your own.

I don’t get this train of thought. I like dogs (I’ll always pet a friendly one) but I don’t want to own one and I don’t particularly want one in my house all over Christmas. My house, my choice. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my guests - I invited my guests, not their pets too.

OP, if you don’t like the idea of kennels, look for a dog ‘hotel’ near to where you’re staying. That way you can hopefully pop in and say hello while you’re visiting. You dog will probably love it.

Because they stink and drop hairs

this isn’t red flag territory

I think it's worth trying Thrusted House-sitters. You could get lucky.