DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

It's a dog. It doesn't care that it's Christmas.

Do you have to embrace smelling and drooling to be fun at a party?

Actually, casting my mind back to student days and you are right ... perhaps you do! 😂

We don’t know that they dislike him! They just don’t want to have him in their home over Christmas. It probably never crossed their minds that anyone would expect that of them.

Yes. I am not scared of dogs but I think they are dirty and no way will one ever enter my house!

Such a tedious rejoinder. Don’t you have anything more intelligent to offer?!

But the thing is - like a PP mentioned. What would she have done if he had told her no when she asked initially?.

She refuses kennels - and she hasn’t mentioned any other possible alternatives she would have considered if she had known.

I agree - this is a new phenomenon. Never do I remember ever as a child anyone asking to bring a dog to any kind of social occasion. It’s really just been since Covid people feel like this is a normal thing to do?

Ditto the vilification of kennels - perfectly normal thing to do. Dog in kennels, cat in cattery but the fur baby brigade have decided it is somehow tantamount to abuse. It’s a nonsense and it needs to stop. A pet is just a pet.

Bet you by next Christmas you won’t have this problem, the useless bloke will be long gone and the faithful Labrador in situ

Rubbish! They only shed their coats twice a year. We have cream carpets and a black lab and the house is hair and smell free.

She may have chosen not to go there for Xmas. Which is completely fine. But at least she would have had months to plan something else for herself on Christmas Day, maybe friends or other family members that are fine with her dog coming too.

It’s now less than three weeks until Xmas, and many of those options are now closed to her as other people will have already made plans and are at capacity for guests already. She now has to spend Xmas day alone.

Because having a dog around is stressful, because it changes the dynamic, because it might get underfoot and be annoying, because people have allergies, because they don’t want shit particles spread around their home, because they smell - so many reasons!

"DP" is not your partner. He's been your boyfriend for 5 months. A partner is someone who is committed to sharing the whole of their life with the whole of your life - all of the challenges and trials and joys. He obviously isn't a very thoughtful or considerate person if he didn't think about what would happen with your dog and he didn't care whether your needs and his parents' needs were compatible. Your dog hasn't been "uninvited" but was never invited in the first place, it's just that your boyfriend didn't care enough to tell you so.

People with dogs always think their dogs don't smell. They do.

Yes I know what you mean but who doesn’t like a puppy…. I’ve had 4 dogs and my puppies haven’t really shed much or smelt badly at all but they do mess but crate training helps that at others houses, tbh it should have been a huge red flag how they were going to be as they were like this with the grandchildren ha haha- thank god my husband broke the family mould x

Kennel your dog and stop expecting everyone else to pander to your pets.

Liking a puppy isn’t the same as wanting one in your home, crapping on your floor. If they wanted a puppy, they would have one. Dog owners weren’t always this obtuse.

Voila, typical "it's just a dog".
It is not to the OP. It is not to most dog owners.

And additionally, kennels can be damaging to some dogs.
They experience stress the same way we do, but without the cognitive abilities to reason.

Nope. We have very honest family and friends who tell us our house surprisingly doesn’t smell. It’s called daily vacuuming and cleaning, owning pet air filters and having the windows open first thing.

I have a Labrador and there is no way I would put him in kennels, especially over Christmas, They are very sensitive dogs and the thought of him sad while I was off on a jolly would break my heart.
Spend Xmas with him. If your partner chooses his parents and they won't relent (their choice), stuff him and them.

Totally agree having your dog at home in his own environment being looked after one to one is more beneficial than being locked in a strange cold kennel for hours on end with little interaction!

God Help any pet you have cold and heartless comes to mind !

This. Our daughter doesn’t think her dogs smell. They really do 😁

Yes, I think the fact people worry more about pet emotions has been accompanied by a lot of changes in attitude in a similar direction, such as no more corporal punishment in schools. Seat belts in the back seat weren't mandatory until the late 1980;s and car seats (unbelievably) not until 2006.

Changes in attitudes aren't necessarily bad.

Reading is fundamental. She didn’t assume. The DP told her she could.

They usually do smell.

One of out dc loves dogs and this is something they regularly comment on: "I love the doggy smell."😬