DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

OP then needs to realize that he perhaps is not that invested in a relationship where the needs of a dog must be considered.

And I would be so pissed off if my partner did that to me saying it would be ok and it wasn't 😞

I love dogs. But dogs be doggin, they are not human. Your hosts are in no way unreasonable for not wanting a big dog around - surely you can see that? They did not uninvite your pooch btw.

If you care about your DP (who did fuck up but not in a callous way) then prioritise him over an animal. Put ddog into kennels for 2 nights, I promise he will survive.

If ddog is more important then stay home - this is a perfectly fine choice.

It's your choice. No drama needed.

I'm not clear on the distances, but if it does require a day to go, a day there, and a day travel back, she really can't leave a dog at home for that length of time.

If it is feasible to drive there, spend a few hours then drive back the same day, then yes, I agree with you, that's a choice.

But isn't it a three day trip? Dogs really can't be left that long so that becomes not a choice.

Why on earth shouldn't the dog's needs be considered?

Sole Custody 🤣

If it's just a dog, you shouldn't have one. It's just a child, ffs! I'm saying that as someone with both. If you have an attitude like that, you shouldn't welcome an animal into your family.

You probably become oblivious to any smell, too.

Your used to it so you won’t realise it stinks

I don’t understand how so many posters have so spectacularly missed the point of the three.

The OP doesn’t think the in-laws are being unreasonable, she completely understands that her dog isn’t welcome at their home, and respects that. She absolutely didn’t assume her dog was welcome. She was specifically told that it was.

Her question was whether to be annoyed at her boyfriend. He told her that her dog was welcome at his parents for Xmas, so she didn’t make any alternative plans for the dog because she didn’t need to. He has now, with three weeks notice, told her that the dog actually isn’t welcome. It is too late for her to find alternative care for her dog now.

The OP has done nothing wrong in this scenario, her boyfriend is completely to blame. How are people not getting this?

That's up to OP. It's her choice.

Her DP and his family have no obligation to an unknown dog.

I hadn't realised that you could leave a dog in a pet friendly AirBnb - only because I know a friend of mine got in a pickle when he booked one for a fishing weekend and assumed the dog could come along, and then he couldn't leave it unattended in the AirBnB when he found it couldn't go with him each day - even though it was pet friendly in the sense it could stay there with him. But maybe you are right and there are some that allow it.

ETA most hotels don't allow it in case they bark

Will there be many future events where you'll have to spend time with his parents and your dog can't attend? Feels like is going to be ongoing and will cause issues.

I think the title has got people a bit confused - as though the parents issued an invitation then withdrew it.

What about a meet up half way for a meal etc? Stay in a dog friendly place ?

Or you DP could say:
‘Sorry mum/dad I hadn’t realised that DL wouldn’t be able to come. So I don’t want to leave OP on her own for Christmas, I’ll come & see you on the 27th. Love you.’

Although it does depend on how serious your relationship is, as it’s still quite new. I would be concerned about DP lying to say what you want to hear. Something to keep an eye on.

me either.

Your title reads as if DPs family made this problem, but they didn't. Your DP made this problem with his lack of communication or planning.

because MN of course!

You are 100% spot on. I missed the point.

Thank you - gives me pause to take my own advice (on other threads) and read things carefully.

Totally unreasonable of you to even ask OP. We don’t allow dogs in our house either because they’re generally slobbery and gross. Presumably they think the same 🤷‍♀️

So the normal thing to happen here would be that he feels bad because it’s his fault you no longer have plans this close to Christmas right? He’s still going isn’t he? Because men ain’t shit and you’ll never convince me that they are. Get rid of him and get another Lab.

'This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.
He says its just one of those things.'

Bollocks, he's not that invested OP - if he was he would have organised it. Dump the partner and spend the day cuddling and eating nice food with the lab.

She didn’t ask. She was specially told that the dog was welcome.

Fair point and it is totally shit of the boyfriend. Has he acknowledged lying? Have you said since you lied to me that my dog was welcome I haven’t made other Christmas plans and now it’s two weeks out and I’m going to be alone at Christmas because of you. That feels like something you wouldn’t do to your friends much less a partner, are you trying to tell me you don’t even like me?
I’d reconsider the whole thing honestly if he hasn’t owned this.