DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

If your boyfriend leaves you to have Christmas alone, you should bin him.

It reads like sarcasm, but I have a horrible feeling it isn’t. Wow.

Surely they can put up with him for one day!

Why should they?

This is your blokes fault. Not his parents, I wouldn't want animals around my cream carpets either.

Privately think cream carpets are a stupid idea anyway.

You might struggle to get kennels this late anyway. Could your ex not take him?

I wouldn’t allow anyone to bring a dog into my house under any circumstances.

You are being very entitled if you think that’s unreasonable. I’d be shocked if anyone requested it.

You get a house sitter or you put your dog in a kennel. You are being utterly ridiculous.

No decent guy will ignore Xmas with his family in favour of a new girlfriend.

I'd be annoyed at your BF too, surely he would want to spend your first Christmas together anyway, not at his parents if you can't go? Send him packing!
I wouldn't kennel the dog either, you know he hates it and would worry about him the whole time, none of you would have a good Christmas.
If it was me I'd be quite happy at home with my dog, you can please /spoil yourself and you won't be lonely!

Absolutely. With no sense of self or internal calendar, how on earth will he feel sorry for himself being left alone for a few hours on Christmas Day? How far away do they live, could you go for the day and leave the dog behind?

As it is, you do have a brother you are welcome with.

What would you have done for Christmas if you werent seeing this partner?

It’s a choice thing, if your dog rates over yr partner, stay home. If the dog doesn’t then go with partner to his parents. To expect these people to put up with yr dog in their home astounds me, the expectation!!

Good on them for saying no.

Oh come on!

I love the fact this dog has had a "D" for DL bestowed on him!

I'm sorry to hear this op, but in all honesty I think for people who aren't dog people, this was actually a huge ask, and they aren't all that unreasonable for saying no. I'd far rather they were honest than I arrived with "DL" and sensed it had made everyone uncomfortable.

I don't mean to be hurtful or rude, but IME owners develop a kind of immunity to the smell of their own dog - which is lovely in its way, but also means others might find him harder to tolerate, especially in their own space.

Your BF was a bit of an idiot not to sort this sooner, but in all honesty it sounds as though you had no realistic options even if you had known sooner, so in reality nothing has changed.

I hope you have a lovely day with DL sharing some cuddles and treats.

I haven't RTFT but all the people casually suggesting that your dog goes into kennels/spends several hours alone at a Travelodge....no way would we do that to our dog. Would you leave a child in an unknown place alone? I'm sure if his parents are reasonable they will understand and respect your responsibilities.

Exactly. If the OP hadn't mentioned that she has "sole custody" of the dog after the breakup, nobody would have even asked about the ex.

If she had shared custody with the ex then fair enough, it would have been relevant to mention this and then yes of course people would ask if the ex could have him.

Or of course, if we were talking about a child, someone might ask if their father could have them. Because, biologically at least, children have two human parents. Dogs don't.

OP doesn't have "sole custody" of a dog. She just has a dog.

Kennels aren’t the only option. Find a dog sitter who will keep him in their home over that time. I’ve used them for years and there are apps like Rover that allow you to get in touch with highly rated dog sitters. It’s a good idea to know one or two in your area for if you ever have to go away or go to hospital or something too.

Can't believe all these people saying "just put in kennels". It can be highly stressful for a dog, especially if it's not used to kennels. I wouldn't risk it with my dogs.

No I would just stay home with him op.

Make it clear this isn't to manipulate an invitation out of them. You will only feel awkward taking him - and if you don't poor DL might if he knew!

There is a lot of uninviting going on at MN right now. I didn’t even know that was a thing. All my life I have laboured under the misconception that once you invite someone for Christmas that’s it. I thought that even if you fall out you just have a drunken argument during the movie just grin and bear it. Who knew about this whole un inviting thing?

I’d gladly go for this option.

Have you tried rover? It’s an app to find sitters I used a few and they are good.
im an animal person but you cannot blame them they have cream carpets, or you can leave dog for a few hours?

It’s his fault she’s alone. He’d be a total scum bag to not spend it with her.

YAbu. You not uninvited..you do didn't ask re your dog. Totally understand why his family agree or disagree re a dog. You either go or don't. Your choice.

I'm not sure this is quite fair. Her partner is quite capable of fending for himself in a way the dog isn't. It's not prioritising the dog any more than making your three year old walk while the baby rides in the pram is prioritising the baby.