DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Won't do any harm? I put my extremely laid back dog in kennels over night once, he came out traumatised and I spent weeks getting him back to his normal self. Not all dogs cope with kennels so now I have someone sit with them at my home. Also, any good kennels with christmas boarding will have been fully booked back in October, November latest, (my local ones are) so if anyone has space now I'd be concerned as to why.

Yep. Dogs win every time.

OP - I wouldn’t put my dog in a kennel either. If family members don’t take him I leave him with a dog minder/sitter in her home. He can be dog reactive but has been absolutely fine there. I’m sure if you do a search you can find a dog sitter in your area. Finding one with space at Christmas may be the challenge. I also recommend a trial session before you travel.

It’s rubbish but you need to spend Christmas at home. Or give your ex the dog for Christmas this year. My parents in law wouldn’t take my dog either so we sort out plans for him.

I love labs, used to have one. I would happily have a lab to visit.

But, you are still being unreasonable. Your dog (not a DLab FFS) was never invited. Your DP never checked. He is the problem here. You now have to decide: kennels if you can find space, local home boarder ditto or stay at home.

You are also being unreasonable to say your dog doesn't smell. All dogs smell to some degree or another and it is stronger smelling to those who do not have dogs. While he may not be in a moult at the moment, dark hair and cream carpets will show every single one of them. I swear I am still finding my old Lab's hair many years after I lost her.

If you would prefer to go, home boarding might be the solution for your Lab although time is getting very tight for booking. There's a lovely woman near us who does it, takes only one dog at a time & is v solicitous of their wellbeing. I know from a recent chat that she's away for Xmas but she can't be the only good one out there.

Personally, I'd sack off the bloke, he's obviously slack, he didn't OK the dog with his parents & their cream carpets, he has no ability to engage in second-order thinking - he didn't consider the cream carpets or that 2 people he's known all his life aren't dog people &, the cherry on top, he lied to you. Who needs a millstone like that?

I haven't read the whole thread but, personally, I wouldn't go and it would be DPs fault not his parents.

I have to say, the parents are actually quite nice inviting the OP over. Some people would not want a girlfriend of a few months over on Christmas Day.

That’s completely your partner’s fault. He should never have said that. Surely he wants to spend it wirh you? Can a neighbour look in at the dog)

I agree but DP shouldnt have pretended it could come. Now she cant make alternative plans.

Choose the dog!

I love dogs, but wouldn’t want anyone else’s in my home on my cream carpets either.

Your DP was wrong to answer yes initially on his parents behalf, it wasn’t his place.

So would I.

Love me, love my dogs. I'd raze christmas to the ground before I left mine.
Tell them to do one OP

And I'm willing to bet that even if you go without the dog those cream carpets are going to be a source of anxiety. I've never once met anyone who pointedly mentions their cream carpets who is a good host.

There’s no chance on 5 December you’re finding any half decent kennels to take your dog. You might even struggle to find one to take them for a week in July at this point…

There is absolutely nothing stopping op having a secluded Christmas alone with her dog

as a huge dog lover and owning two myself I understand how dogs are family and I also wouldn’t leave my dogs alone over Christmas. I wouldn’t be annoyed with the parents but I would be with DP as it’s all now too late to find any care for the dog.

do you have family on your side that you can visit or have over at yours?

@Momentarylapseofsanity nailed it. It is really your DP who is BU.
I personally wouldn't want an unfamiliar dog in my house for Xmas, and I don't have cream carpets. I don't know how the ddog would behave and I wouldn't want to have to have that extra stress on the day. I know all owners say their dog is perfect but that tends to be from their POV rather than a non dog person POV.
But of course it absolutely sucks that you are now on your own because DP never checked early enough. Had he been more organised you could have made other arrangements potentially. Personally I think he should be offering to hang out with you instead !

I think that the best way forward would be to look at kennels local to you.

You could take his favourite toys and something of yours like a jumper.
It's only for three or so days.

I'm not sure what your partner's family will say if he goes to them on his own. I think it would be best if you were to go too.

The extra bonus is that finding a nice kennels now will make things easier if you two go on holiday next year.

They mentioned them in relation to op’s dog, to be fair?
Not wanting a big slobbery dog when you have light coloured carpets is hardly a sign of poor hosting skills.
Op sounds like she’d make a poor guest, though.

I get why non dog people would refuse to have your dog there but I think your boyfriend's lie was not forgiveable. For me it would be a dealbreaker.

There is next to no chance of finding kennels for Christmas now. Even if you did not all dogs take well to kennels.

I would not give a shiny shit what partners relatives said or thought. By christmas he'd be ex partner.

I wouldn’t accept a dog in my house either. It’s a very big ask of another family.