DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

Can you not just say ‘dog’ instead of this DLabrador/DL nonsense?

All dogs welcome at my house, including Labradors who are the loveliest breed of all.

I don’t trust people who don’t make dogs welcome visitors.

Welcome to Mumsnet!

It's just a phone number.

It wouldn't bother me if my son's girlfriend had it because I was hosting her at Christmas.

You are funny.

But in a scenario where there is NO backup plan in place, or available - does OP leave dog in kennel and prioritise actual baby?
Yes, of course.

So - let’s stop projecting human feelings onto animals. And I say that as a long time pet owner.
Dog will be fine and not remember being in a kennel a few days after coming back.

I’d never give up a pet for a relationship. But, properly meeting bf’s parents at Xmas - vs kennel for a day is not as big a deal as op makes…

Of course the dog comes first, anyone who chooses a partner over a pet deserves no sympathy at all.

And if OP's partner assumed she was going to put the dog into kennels, the most sensible approach would have been to say so rather than saying that the dog could come.

It’s a bit rubbish as DP knows you’ll now be alone..agree you can’t just put DL in kennels if not used to it.

Can you book a cottage nearby and leave DL in there whilst you go to DPs parents for a few hours

Sorry but DL was never invited. This is a problem with DP, not his parents.

DL alone whilst we are having dinner etc. just unfair on him and cruel, he’d still be alone in an unfamiliar place.

Your dog is a dog. He has no concept of Christmas being a special day, so why would being alone for a couple of hours be any different to any other time? Surely you occasionally go out for a meal, or shopping, or to work? If you don't I really suggest you start. Anthropomorphising and babying your pet is weird.

Assuming you mean the partner.

Kenhels or bin 🤔

Of course she should put her dog (which she's chosen for life) over a bloke she's barely known for 6 months 😳

And only an incredibly painfully stupid person would think it wasn't a big deal to tell a dog owner less than 3 weeks before Christmas, that they're going to have to find a place in a kennel for their dog.

They'll have been booked up for months.

Bless you, of course he smells and sheds - he's a labrador.

Don't get me wrong, your boyfriend should have checked not assumed but really very few people would be happy to accommodate a stranger's large dog over Christmas, it's you they want to meet.

Going forward, be realistic. The number of places who will welcome you plus dog over the holiday season will be relatively small. Houses are busier than usual, there's less space. People who aren't animal lovers aren't going to welcome you, and most of those who are will have their own pets and will worry how they are all going to get along. Stay home, see family or find someone to look after ddog if you want to go visiting.

I think I'd do all these things through their son assuming the invitation came through him, but it depends a lot on the dynamic.

OP I think you’ve had an unfairly rough time on here! Of course it’s annoying when family members leave empty or almost empty wrappers in the fridge. as the primary chef, that’s not you being controlling, it’s completely reasonable.

Are you French by any chance (or from a francophone country)? I think British food culture is very different, or maybe we’re just getting old. I too cook as much as I can from scratch, which most of my British friends think is weird and OTT. But this is how people have eaten for the last few hundred thousand years so maybe we’re not the weird ones in the grand scheme of things.

All this scaremongering over EDs! You’re not going to give your children EDs by providing 3 hearty home cooked meals a day (with seconds for anyone who wants it) but not having unlimited packaged snacks in the house!

My children also love a small bowl of frozen peas. As did I and it hasn’t done me any harm. It’s not that weird, they’re sweet and tasty.

How Long have you been on MN?
Cos I’ve been here 20+ years….. DL is pretentious.
Hes a dog not a child, he’d be fine in kennels for a few days. But too late for this year so it’s probably going to be you and the dog for Christmas.
I don’t mind dogs but I wouldn’t want a Labrador in my house. Particularly not if the owner thinks the dog is “a family member”

Its makes Christmas having a farting dog over the holidays snuggled up to you.

Well we all have different standards 😂

I'd put any dog on the planet over a lying man I'd known half a year. Standards.

I hate the whole ‘D’ thing. It started way back when DH, DD, DS was useful shorthand on old phones. Now it’s a nonsense, especially when added to other words in their entirety.

No wonder the MN thread on Tattle always rips the Dpiss out of it.

I don’t know. I’ve always had dogs and care for them deeply, but I very much see them as pets, not as a member of the family. They aren’t my children.

But…. I wouldn’t put one of my dogs in kennels. Especially the twat I’ve wound up with this time who is quite anxious. It would be detrimental to her and therefore to me in the long run.

I wouldn’t refer to her as Dretreiver though.

I have a small white ‘non-shedding, non-dribbling dog’, so no mess! Even with a dog, wooden floors and mostly wipeable furniture I still wouldn’t let another dog into my home.

There are nice places other than kennels to leave pets these days, some doggy daycare centres also offer hotel-like stays. We go away and always use these, my dog gets his own carpeted hotel room with a couch!

Your partner’s family are not being unreasonable.
I would also likely end the relationship with a bloke if we had to take his dog everywhere we went.

Some people are really irritated by the fact that other people love their dog, it's always the same on these threads, the sanctimonious antidog brigade comes to say "its not your baby" "your dog smells" etc...

Do you really feel better and superior by doing that? For plenty of people, their dog is a family member, not a random arrangement of particles that happens to shed hair.
How dare some people manifest some disturbing signs of affection for such inferior creatures?

Labradors do not drool or smell. They do shed but a really good brush before going indoors should sort that out.
can your DL not stay in the kitchen at you partners parents house then you can check on them every so often.
Your partner is at fault here and to be honest even if you were happy with DL going into kennels they’re all booked up anyway by now.

Sorry wrong thread! And for some reason I can’t edit it 🤦‍♀️

Not unreasonable to be annoyed with him at all OP. My lovely dog was also a DLab and I’d take Christmas with him over a lot of people!

I hope he has something to unwrap on Xmas morning too 🐶

How do you even know the dog celebrates Christmas? It may not regard it as an important festivity and so be fine with being away.