To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

It's easy to spend other people's money.

So if you were expecting to pay for half the meal but he took care of that, you had money for a cab. You know, the money you budgeted for your share of the meal.

You've not thought this fairy tale through before posting it, have you?

It's not unreasonable to think a man might walk you to the tube station as it was late at night, and a first date. I met my husband online dating, and on our first date, he walked me back to my car. I didn't ask him to, and neither did I expect it - he just did it, because he's kind and it is polite. My only thought is, that he decided he'd invested enough time and energy into the date, wasn't planning on asking for a second and wasn't invested enough to be bothered. It could equally be, that the idea simply didn't enter his head. I will say though, it's not your dates responsibility to pay for a cab home (no matter how wealthy he may appear to be), that's on you to make sure you have the funds to do so. Move on and forget about it.

And a headscarf? 🙄

You know he was probably lying about being minted, don't you OP?

I wouldn't have expected him to pay for me and I would have ordered a taxi before leaving the place. But I would have expected a bit of company to the tube in your shoes, because like it or not, women especially are more vulnerable on their own.

But it didn't occur to him, so now you know.

It’s entitled to expect a man to walk me to the tube? 😂

Yes. Why do you need him to walk you to the tube any more than he needs you to walk him to the tube?

What did you do when you got off the tube at the other end, did you book an escort to meet you there?

As he could get his train from either station, I think he should have walked to the tube station you needed to go to even if it was further away. I would have done that with a friend rather than her walking on her own so late at night (if there wasn’t many people around.)

I think it is unreasonable to expect anything from a stranger.

That's not because I have low standards (the very opposite), but because I prioritise my safety. Thus I assume I will have to find my own way home, and plan accordingly.

He knew there would be no second date, because he wasn't interested in you. So, like many people, he stopped his best behaviour. He didn't make sure you got home ok, because he really didn't care whether you did or not.

I suspect that this is what has really stung, OP. But it's all a reflection on him - a genuinely good man would have made sure you were safe even if he wasn't romantically interested.

Sadly, I agree he should have physically made sure you got on the tube or in a cab.

In which case Op could have had him arrested for assault. 'Physically made sure' ffs.

It depends where in town your date was. I was in the city last night for my work party and when I left at midnight it was bloody heaving so I wouldn't have worried about anybody safety walking to a tube at that time. If however you had to walk to a zone 3 plus tube stop then I would understand you hoping for more care.

I think it's any bus in the West End tbh

I hate the Tube, avoid it where possible

seen stars of Walking dead, Game of Thrones (lots of others who probably aren't earning that much) if they're on the 24 or the 29 then I think they live in Hampstead.

if I had that kind of money, then public transport is the first thing I'd want to ditch!

I've seen Bill Nighy get off the bus at Trafalgar Sq. It definitely does happen.

But if he could get his tube from either station then it follows that OP could have also got the tube from the closer station then just changed line at hers. Less distance to totter in her heels (unless she’d have been changing at Bank maybe) and safer in the station / on the tube than out on the mean streets.

I think he should have walked to the tube with you if he could have caught his tube from the same place or messaged you to check you got home.
Thats not because I’m trying to say men should treat women differently…. when we are out in a mixed group or with just female friends etc no one is ever left to make their own way home alone late at night unless they absolutely want to and then they know we all expect a text to say they’ve got home. I would have thought that was just basic level care?!
Im an over thinker so I would have already thought about how I was going to get home after the date before attending, I wouldn’t expect a date to pay for a taxi or offer to do so.
I text my DH the night we met to check he had got home ok, he was renting a room in a pretty rough area and he had insisting on walking home. He waited with me whilst I was waiting for a taxi, and then headed off walking as it was in the opposite direction when I set off. A simple text of ‘thank you for a lovely evening, I hope you got home ok’ takes seconds.

Sounds like he dodged a bullet!
And FWIW , getting a man you have only just met to walk you to the tube is counterintuitive. You are far more likely to be sexually assaulted by a man you’re on a date with - especially one who presumably just paid for your dinner and feels you owe him - than by a random stranger. If you’re going to go out at night, grow up and take care of yourself, physically and financially. Wearing inappropriate clothing for walking while on public transport and not having enough in the bank to pay for a cab is putting yourself in a vulnerable position and relying on a strange man’s goodwill to dig you out of that hole is naive and foolish.

ignorant sod and probably all that boasting was bullshit too

I really hope you are never going to see this arsehat again @Muffinmoo

Hope you're OK now.

I can tell ya for nothing I would tell my dds to not bother their arse with a man like that if thats how he behaves on a first date. Or any date.
And they wouldnt.
All this cool wife BS is just that, BS
If a man cant be arsed making sure a woman gets home safely, then jog the fuck on man.
Honest to god, the lengths some women go to to pretend they are oh so cool is rediculous.

Are you going to mention all the men killed on their way home too?

Oh yeah! I can be a bit dim at times and would probably have been dim enough to have walked with a friend to the further station 🤭

She said his tube line went through her station. She would have just needed to travel for one stop.

There was no need for to walk anywhere alone if she didn't want to.

She did apparently have money as she offered to pay for half the meal. I have the feeling that it might have been a token offer, and it isn't clear how much money she'd have had if he'd accepted it.

Why couldn't she look up local cabs herself?

I’m confused by posts like this. Anyone would think she had been abandoned at a freezing rural train station with a flat phone battery and miles from anywhere.

All that happened was she didn’t want to pay an extra £20 or so for a taxi (when she had saved money when he picked up the restaurant tab) and is now complaining he didn’t go out of his way when she appeared to deprioritise her own safety to an extent he probably thought she seemed fine.

Like I said I’m very pro men walking women home and expect it myself if, say, my house is 10 minutes away or something happens so getting a cab is impossible. But this wasn’t one of those times.

God you sound so wet.

You can look nice in trainers and a big coat.
You are so beyond unreasonable to feel entitled to his money for your taxi fair because you judge he doesn’t need it.
It is exclusively your own responsibility to be able to get yourself home. You are a grown adult!!