To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Omg patronising much.

I don’t think I’m unequal to a man in the sense I am less than and bit of a stretch to say that because I expected a man to walk me to a train station on a first date.

you are kidding yourself if you think that we live in an ‘equal’ society in that there are not disadvantages to women that at a basic level are borne by biological differences but that are also perpetuated societally.

we do not have the same opportunities and are not operating on a level play field for so many reasons. It’s not right, but it’s sad that women are all patting themselves on the back for insisting on paying 50:50 on dates, meanwhile men are being paid more for the same jobs. Are not disadvantaged by having children in the same way. Pay less for everything.

until men can give birth and there is no gender pay gap, 50:50 benefits men more than women.

and just as an aside, I have a demanding career in a male dominated industry where I have to be extremely switched on. When I’m saying I prefer to not have to do as much planning and running around and would just prefer to be taken care of a bit, it’s not because I see myself as ‘less than’ but because that’s what I enjoy when dating. I like to dress up. I like to wear heels. I like for men to walk me to the station and ask if I got home ok. It doesn’t make me some kind of demon with low self worth, seeing all men as ‘above me’.

its illegal to pay a man more for the same job op. Has been for a long time. My biology does not disadvantage Me, it gives me the advantage.

you really need to think through why you have these out dated and negative thoughts about your own gender.

I think from all of your posts on this thread OP, there will be PLENTY more "first dates"
Plenty of time to hone your dating skills 😬to find what you're looking for, and if not you might, just might, think some of the problem is down to you.

Yes because it’s illegal it must not happen! Research in my industry shows it’s still rife. Sadly.

I don’t have negative views of my own gender at all. But it’s not empowering or clever to end up doing all the child rearing and have a career, just to pay the same and pretend you’re the same (‘equal to’) as a man who does not have to be pregnant and give birth. It’s the opposite.

it’s why we have matrimonial law to counter the very disadvantages that are frequently caused by this very scenario. You can point out that men and women are different without having ‘negative views’ of one’s sex.

Yes must be me that’s the problem and not all the trolling posters on this thread who like to insult strangers online 😂

again I didn’t say it didn’t happen. Are you quire ok? You keep leaping to all these things no one said. Like we all insist on paying 50 50 or being walked to the tube threatens our self image. You appear to be reading one thing and thinking you’re reading something else entirely/

I think rich men who will pay for everything do still exist OP, but the women pay a very high price for that.....just as they always have.

Your choice, but don't be knocking women who make different ones and then accuse them of the misogyny you demonstrate, and apparently expect from your dates.

But you haven’t given birth to this man’s babies. He owes you nothing, bar not to cause you harm. He didn’t - he booked the restaurant, paid for your meal, waited about while you faffed around and then clearly twigged you were hinting at him to pay for your cab because you ‘couldn’t afford it’ (despite your demanding job in a male industry and saving ££ on the meal), and buggered off. Now he’s being slagged off on the internet because yes although it would’ve been a nice gesture for him to walk you to the tube station, you have a deep seated entitlement and clearly thought he would just offer to pay for everything.

Once you realised posters weren’t rushing to agree with you you played the misogyny card.

I don’t have negative views of my own gender at all. But it’s not empowering or clever to end up doing all the child rearing and have a career, just to pay the same and pretend you’re the same (‘equal to’) as a man who does not have to be pregnant and give birth. It’s the opposite.

It will astonish you to learn that some of us - and I consider this to be my high standards at work - do half the child rearing, have a career and actually are equal, not just "equal" to men.

I find it much more empowering than tottering around helplessly on high heels hoping for a man to rescue me but you do you.

Well..... you do you, because it's obviously working so well for you in the relationships dept.

It isn’t a given that you’ll do all the child rearing though, or it shouldn’t be. Why wouldn’t you expect 50% input from your partner into parenting and household chores? That’s a very basic non-negotiable expectation for me. If you go around with the mindset that you’ll do it all so you might as well bin your career then you are just colluding in your own oppression.

There's a world of difference between expecting to be financially equal in a realtionship involving children, and expecting him to pay for everything, including your travel, on a first date.

It's interesting that you keep trying to say this is abiit the way he let you make your own way home and yet you, OP, keep bringing it back to money.

Yeah it's sad the OP has such low standards really

And... no one has insulted you. At all throughout this thread.
Plenty of people have differing opinions, and that's fine, but it's not an insult.

Your posts are starting to sound more and more unhinged.
You have your view point, others have theirs. Your posts are not going to change that.
You asked an AIBU question, and the response from many posters is 'yes'.

Again you're accusing posters who disagree with you of trolling.

Until men can give birth and breastfeed, it cannot be ‘50:50’ and I will have to stop working to have children. I have no mat pay as I am self employed.

Given this basic biological inequality, it’s nice, as I have said upthread, for men to demonstrate a bit of care for my safety. That signals qualities to me I value and find attractive. if they can’t even do it when they’re supposed to be showing themselves at their best in the very beginning it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the relationship.

If you post all that on your dating profile you will waste less time.

Equally you're supposed to be showing yourself at your best and this one didn't like what he saw when you easily accepted his offer to pay for dinner, and went on to try and manipulate him into paying for your cab.

It might not even be the money that sent him on his heels, but the obvious test you set him, and the game playing.

It’s not disagreeing though is it, it’s saying they can see why I’m single, and plenty more first dates for me. Alongside all the other ridiculous insults. Just childish.

I actually have a (4th) date this evening. So whilst this thread has been enlightening, I need to get ready go and dig out my heels...

You don’t have to stop working forever though? If you’re self employed you have even more flexibility to work around your hypothetical child’s needs surely?

You prearrange to be picked up and dropped off before the date.

If you're on the first date then you have to plan this yourself. Always first get a coffee and plan an evening as a second date.

You've indicated that you're well paid, so it might be an idea to budget for a black cab if you're unable to plan ahead and get an Uber.

Don't forget the money for your cab home!

I think I’m starting to understand the ops issues.

she thinks she’s going to have a child with some loser who makes her do all the childcare. It doesn’t seem to even occur to her to get with someone where it is 50 50
she seems to think she will be disadvantaged by pregnancy, and doesn’t seem to think ti get herself to a position that’s not the case.
she seems to think as this loser will make her do it all, she may as well find one who can pay.
she works in an industry where the men are paid more for the same job. But doesn’t seem to want to leave the industry or take action, just meekly accepting it.

so maybe that’s why she’s looking for a man who will pay for everything and look after her, as in her head her future is sealed. And why she dresses in such a way as to appeal to men and make her helpless.

its tragic. But she’s repeatedly posting about it and banging that drum, that she doesn’t want to pay her way and do all the child care.that she will be disadvantaged, that men are paid more than women for the same job in her world.

i didn’t think women in their thirties thought like this any more, unless it was cultural or religious.

im in my fifties, my husband did 50 percent of the child care, and I genuinely do work in a male dominated field and I am genuinely paid more rhan rhe men, not as I’m a woman, but as the most senior in my role.

“ Unhinged “ , calm down !
She asked a simple question , as to whether her date could have walked her to the train station besides leaving her walk alone, & yes that’s exactly what he should have done .
Instead posters here going way, WAY off track .
Talking crap that has nothing to do with anything .
Why shouldn’t she have worn heels & a dress ?
She thought (as you would) that she could get an Uber .
All I saw on this was OP pounced on for anything she said , & everything twisted into something else , equal rights , low bar , loads of more crap .
The girl asked a simple question & was met with a load of bitchy comments !!!!!