To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

I am sure I tottered around on impractical heels unsafely when young, but surely the solution would be to bring or wear a pair of shoes you can actually walk in and a rape alarm and/or keep enough money for a cab when needed.

Well, exactly!

I wonder what these people who think the man should have got a different tube for her would do when out alone, with female friends or on a date with a woman? Someone somewhere will probably always end up having to be alone for a bit!

Her more sensible solution would have been to wear/take shoes she could comfortably walk in and used those legs to walk with him to the nearest tube station and then changed to the other line to take her home. No walking around London alone.

And there you go again, being subtly insulting.... also looks like you didn't look up misogyny.. you just choose to use your own interpretation of the word.

I love your post, thank you so much for commenting. I agree with you 100%.

I’m nearly 60 and the sexism , misogyny and absolute inequality our generation fought against would sound unbelievable to the women who have come afterwards. We really were treated like we were beneath men and it was done in plain sight.

The fact that several generations of women have battled and stood up has paved the way for young women to have more choices than they’ve ever had before. So the ludicrous accusations of misogyny thrown around for us KNOWING women are equal to men really shows the fight isn’t yet won.

So your standard is that he should pay for everything including your cab but you also ridicule him for being wealthy?

Make it make sense?

Why should he have paid for your taxi?

So your standard is that he should pay for everything including your cab but you also ridicule him for being wealthy?

Make it make sense?

Yeah , didn’t she have to walk to the train station ?
Did she 🫣, I’m tired , just waiting in my car after finishing work & locked out of house !!!

Misogyny means hatred towards women & girls……..not sure how the poster you quoted was being misogynistic?

😬 Do you have someone coming with keys? Or a locksmith?

Well done in getting yourself home and not needing a random man/stranger to make sure you got there!

And her plans fell through. She should be prepared. She's not some zillionaire grand dame with a chauffeur and car, she's a woman out on a date and has to be prepared to get herself to and from places. That's just how it is. And heels are stupid. Ask any foot and ankle Ortho bro.

Still no explanation on why you didn’t use just a few words to prevent all of this. ‘Would you mind trying to on your app. Sometimes I find that works’
‘It’s dark, would you mind just walking me to the station’. So simple!

I’m in now thankfully 😊.
My daughter came home & had a key .
My house is lovely & warm , I can’t wait to do absolutely nothing all evening , I don’t care that the kitchen is messy , going to sit in sitting room that’s lovely & clean & tidy with Christmas tree on 🎄☺️
Take away & Netflix 🙌

Op, it’s worth exploring further, where did you get the idea you’re Lower than men, that all women are, that we are all unequal , that we are some form of lower class than men, and we need them to pay for us and look after us, that we will be disadvantaged in pregnancy, and that dating is to see if a man will pay for you and care for you? Is there a cultural or religious thing at play here?

did no part of you ever think you’re an equal. Capable of earning, and doing the same things as a men can? Is it religion, culture. Your up bringing. Do you not know any women who you perceive as equal to men?

many of us are not disadvantaged in pregnancy, no one needs to be, it’s about getting your life in a position where you will not be, a suitable career, a good maternity policy, a solid relationship with someone who will do 50 percent of the child care and house hold chores.

I’ve never been unequal. I never have felt unequal, I don’t perceive myself to be unequal and neither does my daughter perceive herself to be. She’s any man’s equal. This doesn’t mean inequality doesn’t exist in some micro pockets, but women have the ability to make decisions, that do not allow them to be unequal. To live their lives that make them equal.

i find it really sad that you think you’re unequal, that you think all women are. And that’s you’re so needy round men because of it. Even on a first date.

if you do find a relationship, it won’t be one of equals. Because you don’t even perceive yourself that way, so yes likely you will be disadvantaged. Bit this isn’t having high standards, it’s the opposite.

having high standards is being with someone because you want to be, to be able to earn a living, make decisions that don’t rely on men looking after you and paying for you and even on the micro level. Being able to get yourself home with out an escort, like your date did. Even being able to dress appropriately. Wearing 4 inch heels you can barely walk in as they look nice, or in clothes that leave you feeling cold, again I assume as you thought it looked nice, it’s just a micro example of poor decision making. You dressed for what you thought this man would like, making yourself unequal due to your own discomfort. And I don’t think you’re even a young woman who doesn’t know better.

Excellent. Managed to lose my keys a couple of weeks ago and had to sit in the porch and wait. Not fun!

Coud you have cycled home? that way you get door to door without the need for any escort

When I say unequal I mean not the same. Not less than by any stretch. I think it is unwise to pretend we are all ‘equal’ in a world that consistently demonstrates otherwise and in the face of undeniable biological differences that have consequences.

where did you get the idea that a man walking you to a train station is somehow a threat to your self image? And not just a nice thing for someone to do to demonstrate a bit of care?

No not the same train !
Didn’t mean to say that 🤪

This is so so spot on, read this over and over again op until you understand it.

Did you have to get a locksmith out ?
No not fun at all 😕

In heels!!????
That would've meant wearing different shoes...
Nooooo.....God forbid she'd have a plan B for getting herself home!

For the life of me, I cannot fathom how you don’t see the irony of what you’re posting. You don’t want to show you’re less - great - yet you wear shoes you can’t walk in in order to impress him, need his help to get a can and to walk to the station. You are literally walking around shouting ‘I am less than you’ , then banging on about the patriarchy when you are adding to it, with everything you did here!

Read again, at no point did I say a man walking me to the train station was a threat to my self image nor did I even insinuate it, nor did I suggest we were all equal. It was you who said women were unequal,

some men are unequal to women, lower. Some women are unequal to men. It is no longer gender wide. This is not the 1950s.

I’d also add, my biological differences gives me the advantage, not the disadvantage.