To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Actually I think it is bad manners not to have walked with her 5 minutes to the tube to make sure she got there safely

Your reaction to being told some people think you're wrong and that actually what you think of as "standads" shows how little you think of yourself and women generally, has been disporporitonate too. So we're all quits.

Your posts have been misogynistic, so I'm not sure why you think that's an insult to throw about

I’m all for loving yourself and putting yourself first op. But there is a limit.

You seem to want men to do everything for you, when you do nothing but turn up, you can’t even walk properly in your choice of foot wear or book a cab, and object to walking a few hundred yards in your own, whilst attacking women for having low standards as we are capable of doing all this and wish to, then declaring you’re going to be financially disadvantaged if you have a baby, when you’re already maybe of an age where dating 40 year olds is age appropriate , so that could be unlikely, but that’s why men , total strangers, on the first meet should be paying for you and looking after you, and now you’re complaining because we didn’t all agree with you and just take it.

Accusing people who challenged you of trolling is pretty insulting.

You've mentioned misogyny a couple of times now. I'd Google it before you use it again. It's really clear you have no understanding of what it means.

Maybe you should read your posts back 🤣

Anyway, I think it's clear why he couldn't get away quick enough.

Here you go- literally your second post-

"know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards."

Classic mumsnet.

So are you ok if men have “certain expectations” of their dates, too?

Exactly.
You will get lots of ridiculous replies here on here OP .
Any decent man would have walked with you, & got the same train especially seen as he could !

You might not think youre insulting others, but you are, very subtly.
And I also agree you should look up the word 'misogyny' as you are definitely using it inappropriately.
I refer to my only other response to this thread - and the more posts from you I read - I definitely think he dodged a bullet.

You’re allowed to think that. I don’t agree. I lived in London for 15 years and never expected to be walked to the station, nor thought it was bad manners when people didn’t offer. 5 minutes is not long or far. London isn’t asleep at midnight anal particularly at this time of year, it’s as busy as during the day. Maybe he just wanted to get away from her company, should he have been expected to kowtow to this perceived version of politeness still?

Got the same train? 😂

I’ve lived in London all my life but if I went on a date I would find it bad manners if he couldn’t be bothered to walk 5 minutes with me to see me safely to the station. Luckily even my male friends will walk with me if it’s very late. Obviously I’m perfectly capable of walking on my own but it’s nice that they care.

Why are you safe inside the station but not outside of it? Do bad men not take tube trains? I think the evidence would suggest they do.

Doesn’t sound like you enjoyed the date much if he spoke about himself the whole time, so why would you have wanted to spend a second longer in his company?

Indeed. The op had nothing nice to say about his company whatsoever, and yet only decided to not date him again once he didn’t walk her to the tube/pay for her cab. Up till that point the op wanted to see him again. Despite berating his company and dress sense. Why? Money.
he spotted it.

No I think it’s more people are offended by the standards I have for myself and then, are overtly, insulting me in any way possible.

I think expecting the exact same treatment for men and women is misogynistic due to the inherent and inescapable differences and inequalities between them. But thanks for the language lesson.

Good to know you can see into my mind. When did I say I wanted to see him again until he didn’t pay for my taxi? I said the date went ok. As in no particularly long awkward silences and I didn’t feel unsafe.

but keep making stuff up to justify the ridiculous reaction towards me.

Lol, how very convenient. 😆

Fine as I say, we don’t agree. My friends would walk me to the station too. But I wouldn’t expect it from a random first date. Particularly as it sounds like it went terribly. Would have been more sensible to get the tube to the date and get a cab home. This situation wouldn’t have arisen if the OP had planned better.

You can onky speak for yourself; but I am not unequal; and I don’t like the insinuation I am. You maybe, but I’m not. And neither are any of the women I know. We are all capable of dressing, walking a few hundred yards alone unfazed, and booking a taxi. We understand you are not. And this may make you feel unequal but you don’t get to insinuate we all have lower standards as we don’t have your issues.

I was born and bred in east London and I’ve never wanted or expected a man to walk to to the station after a date (unless I’ve invited him home). Despite this supposed ‘low standard’ and the fact I dont wear heels I managed to marry a man who was my equal, did his fair share around the home without being asked, is a great father who changed his work hours up pick up our DS from school (as I did the drop off) and we shared finances.

It drives me mad when it’s still said in 2925 that Jen and women aren’t equal because they absolutely are - different but equal - to justify why a virtual stranger should feed and water on the first date. Yes it’s a nice gesture when a man pays but I wouldn’t judge anyone who didn’t. Though tbh I find the whole concept of dinner as a first date old fashioned and dull anyway.

I wondered about this too. Walking on street on own is bad and unsafe. Taking tube on own at night is apparently safe as is walking back from tube to home. It’s very confusing. I know I am an old person so I am sure I tottered around on impractical heels unsafely when young, but surely the solution would be to bring or wear a pair of shoes you can actually walk in and a rape alarm and/or keep enough money for a cab when needed.

This. Strongly. I've never expected a man to be responsible for getting me home safely and I take pride in that. I can look after myself. I hope my daughters will feel the same.

It infuriates me as well; men and women are different, but we are not all unequal. I am not unequal; I am in fact equal or above many men. The op maybe unequal, for whatever issues she has, poor decision making, lack of money, whatever, but she doesn’t get to say we all are.

we aren’t. She maybe. But many of us aren’t.

To be honest if you are on a date and you don't think much of the person sitting opposite you they will probably pick that up through your body language, lack of chemistry, stilted conversation etc Why would you want to spend any more time with some you don't want to see again?