To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

At first I thought you must be an older lady, OP, to have what I consider some very outdated expectations. However, and I’m making a few assumptions here, if he’s in his 40s and you are similar age, you’re younger than me. But you sound like my nan!

I really think you’ve confused ‘basic’ expectations with ‘old fashioned’. I have very high standards for the men in my life, but none of those standards are about what type of shirt or shoes they wear, nor whether they insist on paying a bill or walking me to a tube station. I’m a grown woman and can travel independently on public transport.

And we know nothing about him yet you’re expecting to instigate some kind of internet pile on about how awful he is.

We know he’s successful, paid for dinner, booked the restaurant, waited with you while you faffed getting an Uber and refused to get a black cab to save yourself a few quid. You’ve been snippy about his dress sense despite dressing to the nines in unsuitable clothing that was your downfall here, accused him of bragging about being rich (doubtful - I strongly suspect he just chatted about what he does, and that was actually your signal to grab your cab fare from him) even though apparently can’t even afford a cab fare as a grown woman on a date. And he’s the bad guy despite your ingratitude and blatant entitlement? Ok then.

Which tubes were you walking to? Most in zone 1 are incredibly safe because there are so many people and cars around and because it’s so well lit. I’d rather do 10 mins in central London than 5 mins in a provincial town.

Also what do you do when you’re out with friends?

He also spent a lot of time bragging about his wealth and turned up in trainers and hadn’t dressed appropriately. I could go on, but I haven’t because I wasn’t actually looking for the internet pile on you describe.

I just found it bizarre how that was what he did and expected me to want to see him again so I was doing a sense check and given how insane and extreme most of these posts are I think I’m alright.

2 extra changes? Why 2? You said the nearest tube station was 1 stop away from your tube line.

Sounds like you should’ve also turned up in trainers! For somebody without even a cab fare you seem to have very high materialistic standards for others. Maybe focus less on spending money on heels and more on transporting yourself from A to B?

Everything you post is mixed up.

you tried to book an uber four times.
you take exception to him not getting you an uber on his card. How would he do this if you couldn’t.
you wanted him to pay for a black cab Yet you didn’t want to get a black cab as the tube station was closer.
you wanted him to pay for your uber on his card, and you’d pay him back , when apparently the issue was you couldn’t get an uber as none around.
you didn’t want to pay double for a black cab, but wanted him to.
you want a man to walk you a few hundred yards to the tube station due to your perceived vulnerability but chose not to go via his tube station for safety, you didn’t tell the man this, or ask him to walk you those few yards.
you see yourself as vulnerable walking a few hundred yards to a tube station in central London, but chose not to wear footwear you can actually walk in.

ifs all over the place, it reads like your skint, it was late, you wanted a cab, you couldn’t get an uber as your card was declining, and you wanted him to pay.

Women are more likely to experience sexual violence, harassment, stalking and men are way more likely to experience stranger violence or serious violent crime.

No I didn’t.

the one he went to would have meant extra changes for me, rather than walking a bit further to a stop that would mean less changes for me.

then Come out with the means to book a cab home.

It's fine for you to have your preferences in a relationship as men will too. For some men, it will be a deal-breaker when a woman angles for a cab to be paid for

What annoys me at least is that you can't see that some women have different standards not lower standards

Do you ever choose the venue for a first date, or is that the man’s job too?

I think people are missing the point here. Of course the OP can get herself around without a man. It would just have been good manners for him to offer to walk her to the station.
She wasn’t demanding he pay for a black cab, she asked him to check his Uber app to see if he could get her one when she couldn’t. Sometimes that works.
When we first knew each other my husband would always ensure I got home safely, he would either walk me to my door or order a taxi and pay for it (this was before Uber).
A man thinking about your safety isn’t being back in the 1950s, it is just a kindness and good manners.
If I was out with a female friend, I would make sure we both walked to the station together too so it’s not just about being a man.

Actually men are at significantly more risk of being murdered by a stranger in the street than women are.

Pardon me for giving my opinion as a happily married woman whos actually in a fairly traditional gender roles marriage giving me plenty of time to spend with my kids... with a respectful man who would absolutely have clocked what I was doing had I spent our first date expecting him to 'take care of me'... grown ups can you see coming a mile off OP, its not a good look.
Good luck with the sugar daddy search 👍🏼

You’re really not reading my posts then.

its not uncommon for some people to be able to get Ubers more easily from others even from the same location.

if I was going to walk around looking for a black cab I might as well walk to the tube.

I would rather walk to the stop that meant less changes for me than to his (because god forbid the delicate flower walk a bit extra with me) because the extra changes would have made my journey longer in total.

If he paid for dinner and after that you told him you couldn't afford a black cab, it possibly gave him vibes that you were likely to be after money. Fair enough you offered to go 50/50, but then if you've got no money to pay for transport, it might look like you came out with no cash and an empty bank account, and that trying to go halves was a fake offer?

The guy sounds awful though in general- anyone boasting about how much money they have is a huge turn off for me. And it definitely is polite to make sure your date gets home safely.

Please don't use anyone else's account for an uber though, even if it only shows him the street you got out at- that's still plenty if he wanted to hang around and try to catch you in your way out/in one day.

There are decent guys out there, I'm sure you'll find one eventually ❤️

Why didn’t you just ask him to try then? He probably, like most of us, just assumed he’d have no luck either.

Seeing as trainers have been most people’s go to footwear for at least a decade and even more so since lockdown, how on earth is anyone - male or female - wearing them for a date ‘not dressing appropriately’? Many people don’t own shoes these days - I certainly don’t even for work (HR manager in a wealth management company)

Dressing up to the nines for a date is a very 80’s concept. I’m almost 60 and smart/casual has been the standard as long as I can remember unless it’s a wedding/formal event.

The point is she didn’t ask. If she had and he’d refused then that would have been different. Simple basic communication can really help when it’s such a minefield knowing what people want or expect. The posts here shows how much that varies. Personally I’d not offer in this situation as I’d assume I’d have exactly the same result on exactly the same app, however if I was told otherwise and asked to give it a go of course I would try.

Actually OP you were nearly correct when you suggested you wear hiking boots and a north face jacket.

You need to be prepared and assume nothing both generally and in 'dating land'. Firstly, you need to plan your way home before you go - including packing some flats and a roll up coat in your bag. This can be easily done whilst maintaining appearance 'standards'. If you have room a woolly hat would be very helpful in assisting your safe passage through midnight London journeys, or indeed in most places.

So if he could have got back from the tube station you wanted to use - why didn’t you walk with him to his tube station and just do a couple of changes?

This is 🙄

How is getting yourself home at your own expense “doing everything for men”??

(also, there is no pay gap. There’s an earnings gap because some people choose to work less than others. And giving birth is a personal choice).

This is nonsense, and you just copied what another poster wrote. Which is also nonsense. You see the exact same thing if you put in same drop off and pick up. The exact same.

He sounds more fashionable than you tbh. Trainers and a top are far more contemporary than a shirt and suit. And for women, heels are very dated.