To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Good summary. The OP is stuck in the 1950s. Teetering around in heels, insisting on first dates buying her dinner and then expecting the men to hand out cash for a black cab (whilst pretending she would be ok paying it back). This isn’t high standards. It’s reinforcing women as weaker and dependent. Yuk.

Yup, totally agree.

Presumably it was dark when she was travelling to the date and she managed to make her journey safely. Given how busy central London is I don't see why she perceived some kind of problem making the reverse journey. She still hasn't said how she would have been travelling from her final tube stop to her home. If she'd paid for a black cab, as she had the means to do given that she'd had a free meal, she'd have been taken to her door.

Some people take these threads to the extreme. She never said she wanted him to walk her all the way to her door and thus learn her address.

I definitely would have appreciated him walking me to the tube station and going slightly out his way. It’s just a nice thing to offer.

I think it depends on what kind of man you pick.

I definitely would have appreciated him walking me to the tube station and going slightly out his way. It’s just a nice thing to offer.

In central London, it would have been far more sensible for her to go to the closest tube station that he was going to!

It is a first date so YABU and a little entitled.

That's Brooklyn Winter style.

Now you get it. :p

You can change the hikers for a pair of Blundstones or other flat boots. Now you can get yourself around on your own feet without being cold or tragic.

No difference between leaving the house at 7pm than going home at past midnight?

I got an uber there as I didn’t want to be late.

my nearest tube station is right next to my flat as I have already explained.

Sorry, I missed the fact that you live next door to the tube station. If you could plan an Uber in advance for your journey there, why couldn't you plan in advance for the return journey?

Did you tell your date all of the above?

I'm not talking about stinginess though? I'm talking about attitudes around equality?

You are now disabled and can't work. You're grateful that your DH hasn't talked about the impact of that on your financial situation. It could have equally happened the other way round - your husband could have become disabled. Presumably you'd have afforded him the same courtesy, because that's how a healthy partnership works. Being a decent life partner has nothing to do with being chivalrous.

I didn’t get one in advance from home I just booked it when I needed it.

I could not have predicted it would take so long / be impossible to get one home.

How is a 5 min walk "doing everything for men"?!

No this is sexiest. Find your own way.

Ie not expect them to be the slightest bit inconvenienced by an extra few minutes walking to just do the decent thing 🙄

bearing in mind he could get the same tube line from my stop whereas me going to his would have meant 2 extra changes.

Sorry but I think Yabu. You had no idea of what type of person he was so you should have a plan to get home. What do you do when you’re out with mates/ after work/ doing hobbies?

Also how was he going to get an Uber when you couldn’t?

And if you can’t afford a cab in extremis (when everything else goes wrong) probably best to cut back on the dates for a few months.

That tube walk doesn’t sound bad to me either- next time I’d take a bigger bag with some loafer type shoes in the bottom if you can’t walk 10 min.

I am very independent and feel very irritated by women who play the ‘damsel in distress’ at every opportunity. It’s just such unattractive behaviour.

This man has had a lucky escape.

I do wonder how much it costs men when they date and are expected for pay for every first meal. It sounds expensive!

IMO, the lack of care is the issue. He didn't demonstrate adequate care for your safety and well-being. Realistically, the first dates and the beginning of the relationship are when they are on their best behaviour and want to show you how marvellous they are. The first year is really as good as it gets. It's all downhill from there. I wouldn't go on a second date.

Central London is one of the safest places to walk to the tube alone at night I think.esp at this busy time of year. Apart from phone theft which is a genuine risk.

I’m sure he’ll survive. Maybe give his live in maid a day off to save some cash 😂

I think the thing that you're not getting is that many women (and the vast majority of Londoner women) just don't agree that it's the "decent thing"

If you had been better company he might have actively wanted another five minutes conversation..

Don’t worry I’m not and yes this is it, the sentiment was not there.

Well that’s really sad IMO. And I would be really sad if my brothers treated a woman like this on a first date, London or not.

Through work, I saw a relationship last week which made me feel a bit sick. The man infantilised the woman and did everything for her. She was happy with him talking for her and clearly gained financially from it, and enjoyed her lack of agency. So don’t worry, this kind of man is somewhere. You will find your prince!

And yep, go and edit and get a nice insult in there for good measure.