To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

The fact that you have just referred to me as a tradwife, almost as if that is a negative thing, has just proven the entire point of my post. Thank you.

maybe this is what equality looks like...

That wasn't the point I was making🙄

Dunno why you're so angry.

It is a negative thing. I consider women with your views dangerous. I would not want you anywhere near my wonderful, bright, ambitious 21-year-old and her friends. Thankfully, I don’t know anybody like you in my social circle.

Sounds like its not a relationship he wants to pursue so just doing the bare minimum. If he was looking for a second date he would probably have been doing everything to impress.

Hang on, you were in central London?! The way you've been banging on about being made to walk alone to the station made me think your date must've been in the sticks, ten minutes away from a station near the end of the line, where the "remoteness" would've justified your complaint that he didn't accompany you. But if you were in the middle of town, surrounded by bright lights and lots of people, I really struggle to see why he was wrong – millions of women walk through central London streets unaided every day of the week and survive.

What a silly post. If you can’t afford something you suggest something cheaper, coffee, museum, what ever, you don’t go out expecting to have a meal and cab home provided. And he was chivalrous, it was a five min walk, he took her within a couple of mins of it, and he bought her dinner. She was perfectly bloody safe, just because you’re poor doesn’t mean you’re entitled to other people’s money to treat you.

So in other words, anyone outside your tiny island of a country, who’s modern way of life differs from most of the world who are still very conservative?

If your daughter is so ambitious I take it she will be venturing to other cultures, so I think she will be rubbing shoulder with “dangerous” people like myself. Good luck with that.

I do, it’s horrifying to see this incapable grabby attitude from women when faced with a man they think they can take from. A bloody stranger as well on a first date. Where buying dinner and walking a couple of mins away from her tube station isn’t enough.

The Op wanted to be walked in the dark, down an apparently empty/dangerous street, whilst she was cold and having difficulties with her footwear, by a man she barely knew and already didn't like.

That has nothing to do with trad wives or feminism.

Thats just making poor choices.

Having cab fare to take you are far as your preferred station (no need to use the cab all the way home) would have been sensible way of ending a disappointing date.

As would just getting the nearest tube.

Exactly. We can't have it all ways. Really she should've offered to walk with him to his stop.

It’s partly because my parents are from an extremely conservative culture in Asia, that I encourage my daughter not to be restricted or enter relationships where she does not have power or financial independence. I have seen what can come from that and luckily she has higher expectations for herself.

It's a fair point, OP. If you were worried about walking alone, you could have taken the tube from his station. A longer journey isn't necessarily a more dangerous one.

Given that you had budgeted to pay for half of the meal and then didn't have to pay for it, is there a reason why you couldn't afford the difference between an user and a black cab? Surely the meal budget would have covered it?

If you are from an Asian background you should be more open minded to the fact that other women might hold more traditional values from their upbringing and country of origin, and you shouldn’t be implying that you and your “wonderful, bright, ambitious” daughter are somehow better than “dangerous tradwives”. It is demeaning to other women, and I’m guessing if you are so modern in your thinking, this is also something you would be against?

There is someone out there for everybody, there are men who actually prefer this arrangement themselves. They are not exploited for their money. So long as both parties come to an understanding and are happy, then I see no issue in a traditional marriage.

My daughter is a few years off from dating but I will certainly make sure she knows to have her own money and her own plans for getting home. I still don’t understand the logic behind this - using someone else’s uber account? Getting escorted through half a journey? It’s super confusing.

It's a shit way to show he's not that into you.

There's definite double standards here...its fine to expect chivalry and good manners from anyone...date/friend who ever and walking someone to their tube station would have exhibited that.

However, OP standing there saying she didnt want to pay more for a black cab when she'd just been treated to dinner doesn't seem like very good manners at all.

No. Women who don’t work or have their own financial means are incredibly vulnerable if there is a split. I have seen it myself. We are recent empty nesters, as are my friends. A few couples have split and even the most ‘strong’ women, if they did not work, they have found himself extremely vulnerable. And also there are some who only now regret giving up their careers or going part-time to facilitate their husband’s Big Job.

Nope. I would not recommend the traditional set up to any young person today.

we celebrated our silver wedding last year. My husband has done as many nappy changes and school runs as me and has done the lion’s share of the cooking. We are good role models to our boys and our girl. The traditional set up is too risky for women and I will die on that hill.

I agree that expecting money for the black cab was not right on her part. In her shoes I’d have asked to borrow it and would definitely have paid it back. Or, even better, If he’d been nice enough to offer to pay for the black cab, I’d have paid him back.

It is not walking all the way to the tube with her which doesn’t seem nice. Apart from anything it would have offered some extra time for talking to each other.

I agree with those saying never go out without having money and a plan for getting home.

People are very naive and foolish. Who says that either party would actually pay the money back? This was a first date.

Well I've just read that Gethin Jones has been banned from Hinge for cat fishing. I'm firstly surprised that someone like him would need to be on apps and thinking there's also a fake Gethin out there.

My DH is also from a country where those "traditional values" are very strong. He has seen the impact of that on the women in his society, and he wants something very different for our dd. As do I. And as does she.

I've noticed that some of our younger female relatives in his home country are now starting to wake up to their situations. We are always very respectful of the local culture when we visit, but by "rubbing shoulders" with me and dd, they are starting to get an insight into what a different type of life might look like, and they are realising that those traditional gender roles aren't actually set in stone. One of my nieces in particular asks endless questions and she is really starting to push back.

Also, around ten years ago, DH managed to persuade some very reluctant neighbours to let their daughter study abroad - something which they would have positively encouraged for a boy but felt was far too risky for a girl. She is doing brilliantly and has managed to build a successful career for herself, so she is now a bit of a role model for other girls in the community. And her parents' decision has been vindicated, even though they were initially criticised for letting her go.

People should of course be free to live as they wish, and they genuinely want to live a life in which they infantilise themselves asks subjugate themselves to men, then I guess that's their prerogative. However, I do think those choices are typically the result of social conditioning. I just hope that their kids will be able to break free from that mindset.

You were prepared to go 50/50 on the meal, so we're expecting to pay for that, but you never, thereby saving half the cost of the meal, which you could have put towards the black cab, but you didn't want to.

The kind thing to do would have been to walk you to the station, but maybe he was thinking 'well she could have got a black cab if she thought she was paying half the meal' and that you were just trying to get him to pay for your cab, which you were.

He sounds like a dud, but you're not covering yourself in glory either tbh.

This makes no sense. You say you didn’t want to be ripped off by a black cab but it’s ok for him to be ripped off by then? If you planned to reimburse him why wouldn’t you just pay for it in the first place? You had the money saved by him paying for your meal.
If you were so worried about your own safety or your inability to walk in heels ( easy solution - don’t wear them) why wouldn’t you have got the tube at the nearest station and changed for your tube line? Just because he’s wealthy doesn’t mean he has to cash up for every freeloader he goes on a date with. He’s definitely dodged a bullet