To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

She had the option of getting home safely and didn’t take it.

No it is not unreasonable to have expected him to have some concern for your safety but I said YABU as the first two lines of your post should have managed your expectations and realised that this man is a 'all about me' type.

Don’t be so ridiculous. If you can’t afford your half of the date, you don’t go or you suggest something cheaper.

Just going and blithely assuming your date will pay, with no way of contributing if they don’t and no funds to get home, is frankly embarrassing behaviour from a grown woman.

I agree, as I said in a previous post, it wont get any better if he doesn't care about her safety at this early stage.

But she'd saved £30/£40 (?) not paying for her meal, so didnt have to walk

It would have been nice if he'd offered but he's under no responsibility to do so.
As an adult it's your job to figure out how to get home in advance. If your back up is the tube then you do need to wear appropriate footwear, or carry a pair of flats in your bag.
Presumably you manage when not on a date?

Yes, because that is literally the only other option. Nice flat shoes and decent coats that look good don’t exist.

Yabu. You are not his responsibility, you are your responsibility. You should have made sure you had money for a taxi not assumed someone else would pay for you (regardless of how much money he has) or organised a lift home from a friend or family member.

He'd paid for the meal, which I think is ok to accept as both socially and in business picking up the dinner is a pretty standard gesture. But paying for people to get there and back isn't .

And the real point is he wasn't offering to, so it wasn't her place to angle at it.

Absolutely pathetic. You are responsible for your own safety and wellbeing not him.

You might have a point if you were in the middle of nowhere but this was central. No one needs to be walked from Tottenham Court Road to Leicester Square at any time, especially if they had the option to just get on at Tottenham Court Road if they really didn't think they could cope with the trek by themselves. I would think anyone who offered to accompany me to the next tube stop down was mad, not chivalrous. It's busy and brightly lit. You were not "abandoned"!

There are way more red flags here than him not walking you to the station, bin him and move on.

You just know when a thread has the word chivalry in it you can reach for the popcorn and enjoy the guaranteed bunfight.

Just because your date has money doesn't mean he should pay for everything nor mean that he wants to be in a relationship with someone who has a high level of dependency.
He was probably a bit surprised though that you weren't prepared to pay for a black cab, given that you had just had a free meal.
But then you passed the test of showing you are independent when you got the tube because the Uber didn't materialise.
Except you didn't really pass the test because you weren't happy about it, you just didn't say so at the time.
But all's well that ends well.

Think this might sum it up.

ETA though for me the relevant dependency is more the financial dependency.

Ditto. I’m almost certainly double the OP’s age and only ever use black cabs. Had a drummed into me from a very young age to always have extra cash. always use a black cab and always be happy to pay my own way

Yea i am not sure how that would work better.
or in fact how ordering an uber on my account for someone else works? You get their score? How do you tip? What if an issue?
I hate when dates/men insist I am not a capable woman who can make my own way home. Only one man can do that and it’s my 77 year old dad! (Who’s just offered me £20 for a taxi when visiting tonight as it’s dark at 6 when I arrive at station! -I’ll get the bus though if running)

My Uber rating “isn’t particularly low” doesn’t sound very promising. It needs to be high, as everyone gives 5* by default.

Did you really expect him to pay for your black cab all the way home? I have high standards. But I am not a freeloader. There is a difference.

The fact that a woman wrote this in 2025 is unbelievable.

OP the responses on here are ridiculous. Suggesting a woman has no self respect because she allowed him to buy her dinner is a result of the aggressive feminism in this country. It’s a miserable state of affairs.

In my culture it’s expected for the man to pay on a first date. I have never paid for my own meal on a first date in my life. I offer to pay my half (granted it’s a bit of a faux offer I will happily admit that) but if they accept I will pay my way and never see him again. Thankfully I have never encountered a man who accepts my offer, they are happy to pay.

I am not a feminist, at least not in the way this country promotes feminism. I believe in mutual respect and decency between both genders, but I also value traditions, and ultimately we each have our own roles to play in social etiquette. One is not better than the other, we are just different. And that is okay.

The remarks about your heels show a sense of bitterness. You wore heels for date with a date, and I’m guessing a nice dress, since you were cold? Being feminine and taking pride in your appearance is not a weakness.

The general narrative on MN is that if you conform to any type of traditional gender role (for example letting a man pay for you, or dressing to impress) you are;
lacking self respect, a princess, have expectations above your level, an entitled brat… BUT, most of all, you are opening yourself up for exploitation as a woman, you are allowing him to treat you an object. They automatically think men will abuse and take advantage. And this is where the defensive attitude towards men comes in, they seem to think unless we behave more gender neutral, we won’t be respected, and are setting women back.

It is utterly tiring, and not an accurate concept of society. My mother, and all the women in my family, have been married to their husbands for decades. All live a very traditional marriage, but the husbands treat them like queens, and most importantly they are best friends. They laugh together all the time. In contrast, look at all the threads on here from women in 50/50 relationships where the DH sounds wet and useless, you cannot win.

Ultimately, you have come for advice in the wrong field. I’m guessing if you took away the screens and saw these posters in their day to day life, you would realise you they are not the type of people you would choose to keep in your social circle anyway. Leave them to their way or life, and continue to live yours. You are not wrong. Continue not to settle.

Heels are very dated these days. Invest in some decent stylish flats. You will look better and will not be at risk of being ‘abandoned’ and having to totter ‘alone in the dark’ to the tube.

Exactly this

You offered to reimburse him. What if you didn’t? I wouldn’t trust anybody on a first date enough to hand them over money, thinking they would pay me back. I’m not sure I would want to give a stranger my bank details anyway. There is no guarantee you would have paid him back so I can understand his caution. Maybe he has been burned by other freeloading women in the past.

You probably think you are such an enlightened being, but not everyone cares to carry a feminist badge in this day and age. We all come from different backgrounds, and hold different values and traditions. Neither is right or wrong as such, just different. There are men out there who prefer this set up too, there is someone out there for everyone. If you believe the OP and the poster you quoted have “unbelievable” views then it says more about your narrow mindedness than them.

The tradwives have appeared on the thread!