To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

You were prepared to pay your share of the meal which you didn’t have to then you reconned you had no money for a black cab

what happen to the money you had for meal that you never spent ?

I believe my exact words to him were I don’t really want to pay twice as much for a black cab.

But you thought he should? So why did you say if he’d paid on his card you’d pay him back. You must know you don’t give black cab drivers a card in advance/

Well I agree about the point about making sure people's plans for home are sorted. I just think you do have to be responsible for the costs of that yourself and that expectation shouldn't change just because the other person is wealthy.

If the uber wasn't working, you needed to move to the next option of the black cab if you wanted him to keep waiting until a car arrived.

Well if the black cab turned up and took you home maybe it was worth the extra cost. And maybe that’s why it costs extra. And you’d still be spending less than you had budgeted since your meal was free. So still not sure why you made such a drama over it.

You should think about your safety though if you go on more first dates. It’s a really bad idea to give out your address to someone you don’t know well (re uber booking). Appreciate you think it was unsafe to walk alone in the streets but there was no avoiding that really as you’d still have the other half of the walk to do. You can avoid giving out your address to your dates though.

I actually personally don't feel uber is all that safe. I'd rather a black cab.

But you could have tried a black cab.

I could have afforded a black cab but it’s twice the price

I would of much preferred to pay the cost of a black cab if I felt unsafe walking to the tube

Well...if i was a man, and found myself on a date with you, and you behaved and spoke as you are coming across in this thread, the issue wouldn't be about the cost of the meal / black cab/ walk to the tube station.... I would have left the money for my meal on the table, made my excuses, and left - and think I'd dodged a bullet.

You are not getting hate for heavens sakes.
You are just not taking responsibility for your choices.

If you want to avoid walking alone in the dark just get on the tube at the first station.

Or use a black cab as far as your preferred station. You don’t have to use it all the way home.

You made the journey more risky than it needed to be and more uncomfortable - then blamed him.

I’m totally with you OP - I would be put off by his total lack of chivalry and manners. Do not give him another date.

Yes I agree - though I can give a street address without giving my actual address.

anyway, no harm done. Though I find some of the responses on here totally wild 😂

Fair question

You find it totally wild that women feel you should at least make an effort to be responsible for yourself on a first date, and not expect a virtual stranger to pay and do everything for you as you’ve no money or are tight and don’t want to spend your own?

Yes, OP was a bit stingy, but he still should have walked her to the Tube. Basic decency and all that 🤷‍♀️

Don’t be so ridiculous. Central London is not the mountains of Tibet. When I dated I would wear a warm but smart wool type coat, and carry tights and trainers in my bag. Otherwise I would wear heeled boots which I was fine to walk for 10 or 20 minutes in. I appreciate the full glam look with a tiny clutch and no coat isn’t really possible but you can absolutely look date-like and also have sensible items in your bag for walking home.

OP has sort of answered this. She just felt that relatively speaking it would have cost him less to pick up the extra for a black cab.

But op I would caution against going into a relationship with that view. People who depend on the greater relative wealth of someone can end up in difficult situations where they have allowed themselves to be in "debt" for more than they can repay financially and can find the situation turns abusive or controlling.

It's very early days (first date) to be thinking of his assets as yours.

I think it would’ve been a nice gesture but I wouldn’t file it away under the ‘abandoning a date to a dodgy walk home’ type scenario. Again, if she doesn’t prioritise her own safety, it’s not surprising he was also relaxed about it.

So did you want him to get you a black cab (that you would reimburse) or not then?

Did I say I was expecting him to pay for everything or did I say I found it weird and a bit rude for him to spend the whole date essentially bragging about his wealth and then stand there and watch me try and fail multiple times to get an uber in the freezing cold and then not bother to even walk me to a tube stop when I gave up?

I offered to pay for half of the meal, though he was the one who chose the venue and was therefore in control of the price.

I was trying to book my own taxi it wasn’t as though I just stood there and waited for him to sort one out for me.

it was the attitude in general I found rude. Again, I wouldn’t have even behaved like that with a friend let alone on a date.

comments about me not taking responsibility for myself or ‘setting back women’s rights’ are completely wild.

Op as a woman who gratefully accepts the man paying on a first date, and has dumped a man in the past for leaving me to walk home quite drunk in the dark despite living 10 minutes away from me, you sound ridiculous and I’m faintly embarrassed for you.

I think it shows a total lack of respect on his side and if someone did that to me I would not be going on a second date.
I’m shocked at the way people are blaming you for his lack of gentlemanly behaviour, manners cost nothing.
If a man can’t offer to make sure his date gets home safely then he doesn’t deserve another date.

I know how hard it is to get Uber sometimes. I would suggest downloading Bolt and Freenow too so you have a choice. And find a man with manners too x

Yes she felt he could afford it more than her. And I fully agree when you’re on a first date with a stranger it is really not ok to start thinking you’re entitled to his money,

No, I don’t think OP was unsafe and agree it would have been a nice gesture, that’s my point. It wasn’t the worst behaviour from him, but very notably unchivalrous.

Fuck the poor, yea, how dare they even consider dating......

Don't be ridiculous. I may as well assert, what are you doing dating if you can't afford to fly home by private jet, flown by a team of celebrities.

She is saying that, as the man could (by his own report) have afforded this without noticing it, it would have been nice if he had offered.

And I agree, it would.

But he didn't. Or take any other basic steps to ensure your safety. So no second date!

But he had already paid by then?