To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

I have self respect. It means I take responsibility for my own safety and wellbeing rather than expecting others to do it for me. It also means I ensure I wear clothes that keep me warm and shoes I can walk in.

I’ll turn up to my next date in hiking boots and a north face jacket then. Thanks for the tip.

He was actually keen to meet again and I told him leaving me to walk alone late at night wasn’t great and I wasn’t interested. Hopefully he will be a little bit more aware with the next girl

that didn’t happen did it. 😂

Do you want to see the multiple refunds on my account from the four taxis I paid for that ultimately didn’t materialise? It’s very common now, largely because they are trying to get you to pay a lot more for the ‘luxury’ cars.

You were the one complaining about your shoes and coat!

Why walk further in discomfort & alone than get on the nearest tube?

It makes no sense. You weren’t abandoned. You were awkward and, I suspect, sulking that he didn’t pay for your taxi.

No I just made it up for funsies 😂

But you offered to pay half, didn't, and then said you couldn't afford a black cab. I can see why he didn't think he should walk you home, since you clearly had the funds, courtesy of him paying for your dinner, but made a choice to walk.

Because changing lines would mean a longer walk.

Also why would he think you needed walking to the tube station to get on the tube when he wouldn't be there to walk you to your door when you got off at the other end?

So walk, you are an adult after all

Do you maybe wonder why you’re single op?

You’re right, I should lower my standards and end up posting about him endlessly on the relationships board here.

I would much rather be single than with someone who can’t even be bothered to walk me to a train station.

Treat yourself to a luxury car then, with all the cash you saved from dinner?

Youre a grown up now, time to take responsibility for your shoes, clothes and transportation.

So the world is not 50:50 ? But he paid for the meal- but you suggested to go half’s - so you do have money- but in reality you actually wanted a free taxi ride home as well.

At least the bloke has some standards and didn’t pay for that as well.

Sometimes no driver will take the fare . Been there , done that . 25 minutes of finding you a driver … nearly there … finding you a driver. I’ve also had drivers accept and then cancel and have to go through the whole thing again. Which is when I gave up and took the tube.

Who was walking you home when you got off the train?

I don't think it's that MN expectations of men are low. I think it's more that your expectations of women are pretty depressed.

Not sure why people are giving you a hard time.

I was on the op's side until her comment about "it would have been pennies for him" which made it clear she was really expecting him to pick up the cost of her black cab, even though she didn't want to. There's chivalry and then there's letting himself be used and I think that shades into the latter.

I’m with you OP. I’m independent as fuck, but offering to walk you to the station is the bare minimum. Everything else is frankly irrelevant.

Quite right in turning him down for another date for his lack of interest in your safety. It won't get better.

Did he respond to you?

I’m unclear why you would think that him trying to book an Uber for you would have been more successful than you booking one? It would never occur to me that if someone was having trouble booking an Uber because the cars kept canceling on her, that it would make a difference if I did it for her with my account instead.

I was making the point that it’s all relative and also why make it clear you are loaded as though I am to be impressed and then not at least offer to help. It’s that behaviour that I found weird.

Given I attempted to book multiple taxis I was not unwilling to pay for my own clearly. I didn’t want to be ripped off by a black cab. It would have been nice for him to offer to which I would have offered to reimburse in return. I do sometimes have issues getting cars from central back home (not the other way round weirdly, could be the time?) and then have had other people able to book more easily. It could be rating (mine isn’t particularly low) or something else, I don’t know how the whole uber system works in terms of accepting journeys.

I find it interesting more generally how much hate I am getting because I have what I consider to be a basic standard of care and respect on a date which is to safely see me home / on a train given it was late, dark and cold. I would do the same for any one of my female friends. And my male friends would always walk me to a station.

In your original post you said you told him you couldn't really afford a black cab but then you claim you could have afford it but it was twice the cost of an uber. Two different things.

It would have been nice if he'd at least walked you to the tube station but perhaps he sensed you were a bit grabby.

I’m insanely independent but love a bit of chivalry. Nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, OP, you’re simply not compatible. Next!

I agree, i don’t think its expectations of men are low. I think its expectations of women are higher. To do better.

we should not turn into incapable women in a man’s presence. who can’t walk an extra two mins to the train station alone, complaining we can’t walk in our shoes and our clothes are not appropriate for the weather, that we are incapable of booking an Uber in time, thay we need a man to not just buy us dinner, but book and pay for a cab for us too as we were incapable of dressing ourselves correctly.

even what the op says doesn’t make sense, she says she couldn’t book an uber, but if he had paid for one on his card, she uses those words, his card, she’d have given him the money back. So she wanted him to book and pay for an Uber for her on his card, as you don’t give your card to black cab drivers in advance. So if she couldn’t get one how on earth would he be able to. Clearly it was about money,

and I don’t beleive for a moment he wanted to see her again, and she said as you didn’t walk the extra two mins it’s a no. She’s saying that to save face as he’s not interested.