To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Yanbu imo
He should have made sure you were safe and walked with you to your tube stn and got his train there.

Of course it’s nice if a guy walked you to the tube or helped you get a taxi but he is not obligated to do so.

The point of the date presumably was to see if he is nice or not nice.

His attitude here did not hit the ‘nice’ standard.

Well the first poster got it, saying at least you don't have to go on a second date with him.
I certainly wouldn't.

You're not agog. You're just an overthinker.🙄

I can't remember an issue with Sebastian Flyte's trousers? I remember his bear, even his dressing gown, and, I think, a scarf, but what was distinctive about his trousers?

In typical MN fashion, so many responses have completely missed the point and some have even just made things up and run with them 😂

From the original post -

• at no point does OP say she needs a man to get her home safely. So all the replies chastising her for this are actually irrelevant here. She’s said multiple times she was fine to get the tube, and prior to all this happening she was also trying to get herself an uber - the fact she couldn’t get one isn’t actually her fault - so it seems to me like she’s perfectly capable of getting herself home. The difference here that so many seem to have missed is needing to be walked and wanting to be walked.
• those of you harshly commenting that she should have dressed appropriately- where does she say she hasn’t? I’m not talking about her shoes, I’m talking about those of you sanctimoniously commenting you know how to dress for the weather. All she said was that it was freezing outside - even wearing a winter coat/ hat/ scarf it’s still perfectly valid to describe the weather as freezing.
• I don’t see the huge issue with wanting to be accompanied to the tube station. I wouldn’t want to walk through a big city (presuming it’s a big city as there is a tube line), alone, at almost midnight. Why is is considered so awful to want to be walked by a man? Statistically speaking, a woman is significantly less likely to be attacked when she is with someone else.

Lastly, and this is just my opinion here, it’s just a decent thing to do - to make sure she got to the tube station ok. It was only a 5 or 10 minute walk (according to OP). I would want someone to do that for my daughter, and I really hope it’s something my son would do (or at least offer), when he’s older.

Ok this one doesn’t really work. I assume OP could pay for one in a desperate situation but didn’t want to pay that much when there are other options. Also if the tube stopped she’d have probably got the bus.

He's def not a second date guy is he?

Lola - she walked past a tube station for no good reason.

She didn’t need to walk to the further away station, she could have just got on the tube and then changed lines at the next stop. That’s the great thing about the underground!

Walking alone was her choice.

He didn’t see the purpose to invest time or money after his date. But could have offered to walk you to they tube

Surely taking a black cab was not very different to paying the half bill you offered to pay for the meal?

Haven't RTFT but I'm surprised at a lot of the answers you're getting.

I'm usually quite irritated by needy women/princess types, and I expect women to stand on their own two feet.

But I actually don't think it is unreasonable for you to have expected him to see that you got to the tube station safely. As a woman on your own late at night, you are more vulnerable.

I've noticed that dd's male friends - and not just her boyfriend - are very good at ensuring that their female friends get home safely. I think that's healthy.

Maybe this date isn't one to bother seeing again.

I agree with this, but it's not as if he walked straight off and left her. I think at the point he was waiting with her and suggesting a black cab, it was maybe just time to grab one. The difference between that and the uber can't have been more than she would have budgeted for the meal. It does sound as though she was dragging things out a bit.

Together with her comments about it being pennies for him, I feel as though the op was thinking he could cover the meal and the cab - and I guess he might have got that impression too and it started to grate.

A proper shirt? It’s not a bloody corporate business meeting.

Wearing heels when you couldn’t walk far and didn’t have the money or wherewithal to ensure you wouldn’t have to walk far in heels seems a bit silly, you can look nice without wearing heels, or choose heels you can actually walk in or shoes that are comfortable for walking.

your standards sound pretty archaic if you ask me, and to say a black cab would have been pennies to him is downright insulting.
you’re literally a stranger to him, you may as well stand outside the restaurant literally begging passers by for cash.
he obviously saw right through you

He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.

It sounds like her line didn’t go from his station, and maybe she didn’t want to take a more convoluted way home when he could have walked an extra couple of minutes to get her to her station? I get that he would have had to do the same in reverse, but IMO a decent guy would have appreciated the fact that statistically, he would have been safer doing that than she was. And, to be honest, it’s just not a lot to ask.

this isn’t aimed directly at you @Notonthestairs , but I think you can be a feminist and still mitigate your risk when walking through a city - or anywhere - at night.

That is a fair point about the meal. I had missed the point that he had paid for this, so that does render her claim that she couldn't afford a cab slightly suspect.

I have extremely high standards and have been married for almost 30 years. But using words like ‘abandoned’ just makes you seem dramatic and pathetic. I think he should have walked with you to the tube station and then his responsibility ends there. How do you normally get home at night?

I’ve drummed it into my daughter to make sure she’s ALWAYS got enough money in an account to get home in a taxi no matter who she is out with even if that means having to borrow it from me. She also carries an emergency £20 in her phone case.

What if you’d felt unsafe with your date and wanted to get a taxi from outside the restaurant to get away from him? you need to be responsible for your own safety

I think he was starting to get the feeling she was milking him.

I understand that from op's point of view that he had talked a lot about his wealth, but actually wealthy people can be very alert to those who are out to parasite off that. I think at some point after paying for her meal and waiting with her in the cold while she dithered to get the uber but refused to pay a bit more for the black cab he started to feel she might be one of the parasite type.

Certainly her comment about "it would have been pennies for him" suggest he wouldn't be wrong to sense that mindset.

I was thinking op was not unreasonable to want to be escorted until she said that and then I suddenly had a glimpse of how this probably came across from his perspective. I think the date was over, not to be repeated at that point. He'd have thought he waited with her in the cold to try to see her safely into the uber and when that didn't work and he suggested the black cab and said she couldn't afford it, he must have clicked she had enough from the meal - or wondered if she didn't even bring enough for that and had just assumed he'd cover it.

It's fair enough to try to take a cheaper option, but it comes to a point when you are trespassing on someone's time and making them wait in the cold, you need to tweak your priorities and suck up the difference.

Did you check and make sure he got home OK?

I agree. I think he should have at least asked if she wanted to be walked to the station but I reckon he clocked into her angling for him to pay for the cab as well as the meal and filed her under ‘grabby freeloader, it’s no from me’ and just wanted to cut it short.

Probably walking to the tube while she tottered along in heels was his tipping point.

You are very wise to keep your high standards and expectations OP.

But that’s what a first date is for isn’t it. To sort the men from the boys.
You didn’t yet know him, so you shouldn't have assumed he would be a gentleman in terms of seeing you safely on your way home.

Hope for the best but assume the worst until you get to know somebody to the level where you completely trust them. So your mistake, I’m sorry to say.
Don’t leave yourself so vulnerable next time OP.

Well, statistically he's 4x more likely to be assaulted by a stranger than you are.

Did he talk about his “wealth” or did he talk about his occupation and line of business?

I get to know many wealthy via my line of work & in my decades of experience, people who really have money are the last to boast about it. She may have inferred but there’s no real evidence he was a boastful twat.

You should have booked your uber sooner - in the restaurant before saying bye, and used the arrival as the cue to say bye.

The biggest red flag is that he spent the date saying how rich he is. Most guys only say that if they think you’re easy or if they think it’s an easy way to impress you. Personally I’m a high earner and as are most the guys I know. I’m in my 20s too. I think at that income level, you merely tell people you’re comfortable and downplay your funds as opposed to showcasing how rich you are especially if it’s someone you’ve just met.

So I’m not really surprised he didn’t see if you got home okay, he was probably put out that the date didn’t end in sex.