To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Well exactly. Romance is apparently a one-way street according to some of the people on this thread.

Gentlemanly are we still in the dark ages? and why do men have to look after women like they are a doll?

Why do we still keep on infantising women?

Do you have to be seen home when you’re socialising and it’s not a date?

It wasn’t wrong of him, but it wasn’t very kind. He didn’t have to but could have done/ Dating is a minefield though - a different woman might have thought he was expecting a shag if he offered to see her home or if the date hadn’t gone well, he may have though she wouldn’t want him to know her address.

Presumably you get yourself out and about at midnight for other occasions though, can walk in heels albeit uncomfortably and know to take care/be vigilant and go the most well lit and busy route?

YANBU to expect him to show concern or assist with making sure you got home ok.

However I think he wasn't that into you unfortunately. No 2nd date and move on.

It sounds like you don't believe women can earn more than men which is quite sad.

Of course women are equal to men and having children doesn't have to stop women from having a good career if that's what they want. It hasn't stopped me.

Perhaps he expected you to be able to cope with a five minute walk to the tube (as per your op). Most women can. and you certainly wouldn’t want to date one who couldn’t cope with that. Good lord.

Ok op I was kind of on your side about him peeling off to his own tube stop, which I agree was dismissive and a bit selfish, but I absolutely HATE this "this thing that is unaffordable to me is literal pennies to them" attitude.

It isn't. It costs them the same as it costs you and it is a real user mindset to think that just because someone may be wealthier different things are expected from them.

You don’t sound very independent! Heels are not the only way of looking nice!

Surely on a first date you organise yourself to know how you are planning to get home, what time and how to finance that? How to dress for the weather. Why did you leave it to chance?why did you not leave earlier if getting back might be an issue? Are you 15 years old by any chance? What if he had turned out to be really nasty and you needed to get away? You wouldn’t be relying on him then for help would you. Take some responsibility for yourself as a grown woman and your own personal safety. It’s not his problem that he has money and you don’t. You automatically assume he should pay for you ? You are literally strangers that spent one evening together and not a very connected o e by the sounds of it.
He owes you nothing! You had one date. That’s it. Of course it’s nice if a guy walked you to the tube or helped you get a taxi but he is not obligated to do so. I would take more care of yourself next time and not put yourself in danger if you think you were.

Presumably the OP managed to make it all the way to the venue without needing a chaperone or taxi. After all, it's winter - it was likely already dark by the time she got there.

Unless the streetlights had stopped working or there was a sudden riot in the streets it doesn't seem that unreasonable to expect her to be able to make it back the same way.

Just got back from a night out in Brighton. The wind and rain are ferocious here. Luckily I had the foresight to look at a weather forecast and dress accordingly. I still looked nice without heels or skimpy clothes.

Left DH at a pub 10 minutes walk away and managed to find my own way home.

That’s not the point!!!!

Think you're getting a hard time here OP.

I've travelled the world backpacking by myself but even I get pissed off if a date doesn't offer to walk me to my car!

When I go out with mates we always make sure that no one goes to their car alone. So why would a date be different?

I think you are getting a hard time here OP. It’s been over 15 years since I was on the dating scene but I never had a man leave me late at night, they’d always walk me to the car or train station etc. Likewise I always make sure my female friends aren’t walking on their own to their cars.

You didn’t pay for your meal, so you could have used that money to pay for the black cab? I don’t really use uber - how would his account have had more luck?

Muffinmoo · Today 15:17

Followthesunshine · Today 15:15
Its a first date - he is not responsible for 1) your choice to wear heels, 2) your finances, 3) your ability as an adult to get yourself home, 4) you not wearing enough clothes to keep warm.

I won’t make an effort to look nice in future then 😂

Not sure I can believe what I just read.

I'm fascinated by the logistics of this. Let's say there's four of you and you've each driven there in your own car. How does the last person get to their car without being unaccompanied? Does the second to last person drive them there? Or do you all pile in to the first car and then get dropped off in turn? I suppose you could split up in to two groups of two but then that just multiplies the confusion. I am agog.

Yes my friends and I all make sure we are safely escorted to cars, settled in a cab etc. I don't think that was so unreasonable an expectation on the op's part.

What we don't do is offer to pay for their cab if they plead poverty.

There are often people sharing rides, who then go to their car last. Or the person with a car waits for the taxi to come for the person without a car. Or two cars are parked close beside each other and they get in together. Or, yes, occasionally one person is not accompanied but I think that pp was talking about attitudes and the principle not the playing out of logistics on every single occasion.

Haha, yeah I'd never use it if I was rich! I can imagine in west end you'd see a few actors on the bus or tube though.
Yeah I'm phobic of the tube. At least the bus you can see daylight and jump off if Armageddon kicks in! 🤣

He sounds like a bit of a prick.

Im sure if he’d have wanted to see you again he would have made sure you were safe.

Comments siding with him are somewhat irrelevant as the OP has her boundary and he didn’t step up.

NEXT !

Yes, and there's lots of women who would refuse to be with a man acting as if she needs a man running after her. Quite a few women would find it creepy if a man asked about seeing her home. Sure, there's clearly people who disagree, and like the idea of a man arranging your transport home/walking you back, but there's also many who actively have a problem with it. Same as the idea of a man paying for the meal.

How would he have been better able to book from his account than you were? And if you were expecting to pay half the meal and he refused, you must have had some money so just spend that on a black cab?!

Say if I went out with a friend i would choose to go from the same tube station at the very least - whether a date or a friend i would try and make sure we were all safely to our transport.

I think it is different for men - they just don't see safety the same way

I think OP the bottom line is; he was just not that into you. Sorry.

Im assuming the tube is a train or subway am I correct? It probably would have been nice of him to get you to your station but for me personally on the first date id accompany myself home so he didnt know where I lived incase he wasnt a nice a person. But to actually think he would pay to get you home on the first date is a bit much isnt it? It was the first date, why are you his financial responsibility? If you couldn't afford to go out, then you should not have gone out and made the date for another time when you could afford it. Iv never expected the man to pay for me or be responsible for me on the first date.