Page 15 | To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

Muffinmoo · 2025-12-05T15:08:42+00:00

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold. Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me. AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Notonthestairs · 05/12/2025 21:52

Strawberrycream123 · 05/12/2025 21:17

If you were that worried you should have gone into the tube station he went into, and changed your underground route accordingly.

yep.
He was probably a bit confused that she refused the nearest tube station! Madness!

seriousandloyal · 05/12/2025 21:54

OP you are an adult woman! You need to make sure you can get yourself home from first dates with strangers by booking taxis in advance if needed or by walking to the next tube stop in central London! Come on now!

shhblackbag · 05/12/2025 21:56

Notonthestairs · 05/12/2025 21:52

yep.
He was probably a bit confused that she refused the nearest tube station! Madness!

Show quote history

Yeah, it makes no sense, especially to then be annoyed about having to walk alone. Take the same line as him and then change or get an uber from the next station. No walking home alone from the station. Bonus. It really isn't that difficult.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 05/12/2025 21:56

OP admits to trying to manipulate/coerce this man into paying for a black cab (because she just doesn't want to), and people really don't think that's entitled or grabby?!

I would feel like I had failed my daughters if they were so incapable of independence, and lacking in the ability to navigate between a date and home safely without having to rely on a relative stranger just because he has a penis, a fat wallet, and flat shoes.

outerspacepotato · 05/12/2025 22:06

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 05/12/2025 21:47

Vanity??! Dumb choices?? Why is everyone so annoyed tonight.

regardless of her shoes or clothes - it’s about getting home safely. He stood and watched her struggle to get an uber and then didn’t offer to walk her to the tube.

she didn’t ask for money and offered to pay for half of dinner.

Show quote history

She wore heels and light clothing because she said she wanted to look nice. Not dressing for the weather, vanity. Then she complains about how it's freezing and she can't order an Uber but can't afford a black cab even though it would be pennies to him and she's struggling to walk in heels. She could have walked with him to his stop, she said it was the same line. Duh it's December. 🤡

ThatCyanCat · 05/12/2025 22:08

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 05/12/2025 21:56

OP admits to trying to manipulate/coerce this man into paying for a black cab (because she just doesn't want to), and people really don't think that's entitled or grabby?!

I would feel like I had failed my daughters if they were so incapable of independence, and lacking in the ability to navigate between a date and home safely without having to rely on a relative stranger just because he has a penis, a fat wallet, and flat shoes.

OP admits to trying to manipulate/coerce this man into paying for a black cab (because she just doesn't want to),

When did she admit that? She says she would have been happy with him accompanying her to the tube.

It's not about being helpless, it's about the man showing some degree of basic care, a gesture. If he doesn't do that then he's probably not into her; men don't mind seeing a woman home when they're into her. Obviously he's not obliged to do this, he just shouldn't be surprised if women take it as a sign that he's not interested... and if he is interested, seeing her to the tube safely is not slaying a dragon.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 05/12/2025 22:09

girdlehurdle · 05/12/2025 21:23

@GasperyJacquesRobertsshe offered to pay for her dinner. He didn’t offer to walk her to the station, he did what was quickest and easiest for him.

It’s not even about money or the romantic side of it. I meet up with a friend regularly who uses public transport and I always drop her back to the station. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to say bye and see her off into the night alone, late at night.

If she couldn't afford a black cab even though she knew she was going on a date, how genuine do you think her offer to pay for her dinner really was? I've seen numerous threads on mumsnet where there are women who make a token offer to go halves on a first date and are then mortally offended when the other person actually takes them up on it (as well as many other posters saying "He's just not that in to you", "what a nerve", "when someone tells you who they are, believe them" etc). I've been on dates with women like that too.

On a first date I might or might not walk someone to the local tube but it does depend a lot on context. If it's been a mediocre date with someone I didn't click with and near, say, Oxford Street where it's well-lit and busy? Honestly, I might well make my excuses to leave ASAP. If it was somewhere dark and dodgy, and/or I was having such a good time I wanted to keep the conversation going, then I'd probably walk her to the station.

It may be the case that I've only been in relationships with unusually capable and/or self-confident women but I know the kind of negative response I'd have got from them if I'd insisted on accompanying them home in London for their own safety regardless of the situation.

Schoolchoicesucks · 05/12/2025 22:11

You could have walked to the nearer tube station and changed. I wouldn't have expected someone to pay my cab fare for me. If he hasn't messaged to see that you got home safely/thank you for a nice evening then he's probably not that into you either.

Shelby2010 · 05/12/2025 22:11

So you had enough money to offer to pay half for the meal, but he paid that. But then a few minutes later you didn’t have enough money to pay a taxi…… I expect he thought you were a bit of a user.

BatchCookBabe · 05/12/2025 22:12

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 05/12/2025 21:29

Wow some of the replies!! I don’t think she’s grabby, entitled or any of the other words some people have used. It’s not setting women back either - when I’m out with people, male or female we’d make sure there were safe routes home.

I think she felt a bit unsafe and wanted some help it’s weird he stood and watched her struggle! That’s the bit that is strange I think. If he really wasn’t interested surely he’d have said goodbye and walked off at that point.

i love hearing some of the lovely stories on here though. Sorry I can’t find the post but the one with the friend code is so nice.

also just to say that I don’t had actually find cabs that safe. I’d almost rather a tube or train as there’s more space to run and more people to hopefully help. Cabs can lock doors and take you anywhere. Sorry to be doomful (not sure that’s a word!)

100% this. ^ This place is insufferable sometimes when it comes to stuff like this. I mean God FORBID a woman wants a man who cares about her, and looks after her, and wants to fight in her corner, and 'treat,' her and spoil her a bit. And let her know when the chips are down, if she has their child(ren) and her career and finances are affected, he will be there to support her through it, and won't be a tight fisted twat who expects her to pay for childcare and nappies and anything else for the kids out of HER MONEY. (I have seen many threads on here where this has happened!)

And let's face it, womens careers - and finances - are WAY more likely to be affected than mens when they start a family. (Even though many women on this thread claim to earn waaaaaay more than any man they've ever dated/waaaaay more than their husband,) and throw up at the thought of being 'looked after' and treated well, and their husband earning more!!!

I mean, what an entitled princess a woman is if she likes/enjoys to be treated well by a man, and likes to be 'spoilt' by him, and have him care about her. She is setting women back 100 years, and 'what is this, the 1950s?!' Why are you not earning £175,000 a year like some of the posters on this thread, who are tough and feisty and independent women who do NOT need a man for anything - ever... 🙄

Stop trying to pretend that women and men are the same/are equal because they're not. They never will be. Women will NEVER be equal to men, as long as women have to give birth to the children...

The only good thing about all this is that most women in real life don't think like this. Thank God. Mumsnet's parallel universe strikes again!

!

mashandgravy · 05/12/2025 22:13

Of course he should have been a gentleman and made sure you got home, or at least on your way home, safely. Can't believe some people on here who think "equality" means it's good for a man who supposedly has romantic interest in a woman to treat her the way OP describes. One commenter... "well, did you make sure he got home okay?" 😂 ...Oh, please.

Franklyannoyed · 05/12/2025 22:16

mashandgravy · 05/12/2025 22:13

Of course he should have been a gentleman and made sure you got home, or at least on your way home, safely. Can't believe some people on here who think "equality" means it's good for a man who supposedly has romantic interest in a woman to treat her the way OP describes. One commenter... "well, did you make sure he got home okay?" 😂 ...Oh, please.

Edited

Not sure he did have a romantic interest after the date, and he walked her to a couple of mins from the station.

how do some posters get about their daily lives, go out with friends, when they need a man to make sure they get hope safely, what on earth happened to equality, now women can’t walk a couple of mins further on to a tube station in bloody London without a man’s protection and buying dinner isn’t enough they need ri also pay your taxi home.

😱

Notonthestairs · 05/12/2025 22:20

BatchCookBabe · 05/12/2025 22:12

100% this. ^ This place is insufferable sometimes when it comes to stuff like this. I mean God FORBID a woman wants a man who cares about her, and looks after her, and wants to fight in her corner, and 'treat,' her and spoil her a bit. And let her know when the chips are down, if she has their child(ren) and her career and finances are affected, he will be there to support her through it, and won't be a tight fisted twat who expects her to pay for childcare and nappies and anything else for the kids out of HER MONEY. (I have seen many threads on here where this has happened!)

And let's face it, womens careers - and finances - are WAY more likely to be affected than mens when they start a family. (Even though many women on this thread claim to earn waaaaaay more than any man they've ever dated/waaaaay more than their husband,) and throw up at the thought of being 'looked after' and treated well, and their husband earning more!!!

I mean, what an entitled princess a woman is if she likes/enjoys to be treated well by a man, and likes to be 'spoilt' by him, and have him care about her. She is setting women back 100 years, and 'what is this, the 1950s?!' Why are you not earning £175,000 a year like some of the posters on this thread, who are tough and feisty and independent women who do NOT need a man for anything - ever... 🙄

Stop trying to pretend that women and men are the same/are equal because they're not. They never will be. Women will NEVER be equal to men, as long as women have to give birth to the children...

The only good thing about all this is that most women in real life don't think like this. Thank God. Mumsnet's parallel universe strikes again!

!

Edited

Show quote history

It’s very normal in London to get the nearest tube station, use that line and then change at the appropriate juncture (in this case 1 stop).

That’s how it works. You don’t need to start on the line you end on!

mashandgravy · 05/12/2025 22:21

Franklyannoyed · 05/12/2025 22:16

Not sure he did have a romantic interest after the date, and he walked her to a couple of mins from the station.

how do some posters get about their daily lives, go out with friends, when they need a man to make sure they get hope safely, what on earth happened to equality, now women can’t walk a couple of mins further on to a tube station in bloody London without a man’s protection and buying dinner isn’t enough they need ri also pay your taxi home.

😱

Show quote history

She doesn't "need" him to do any of those things. I'm sure she would have managed fine without him. It's just basic courtesy and gentlemanly behaviour to see a woman you're on a date with get home safely.

InMyOodie · 05/12/2025 22:21

It's hard to believe the OP really wanted him to walk her to the tube when she made a show of not being able to afford a taxi and thinks it would have been 'pennies' to him. She wanted him to pay.

It was probably obvious to him and he's still running from someone so grabby.

Theslummymummy · 05/12/2025 22:25

I'm sorry, help you get a taxi? How? You each take it in turn to dial a number?

It was a first date, he's not your father. Why didn't you plan accordingly? If you aren't happy being out at midnight, don't stay out till midnight.

Theslummymummy · 05/12/2025 22:27

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:42

It’s entitled to expect a man to walk me to the tube? 😂
also, don’t wax lyrical about how much money you have and then not utilise that to demonstrate a bit of chivalry? It’s just a bit weird. But yeah anyway the bar is literally in hell apparently. Or at least it is on MN.

Show quote history

Yes it's cringe him boasting about money. But then you are grabby and entitled to expect him to put his hand in his pocket after a first date, esp when he's paid for the meal. So swings and round abouts.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 05/12/2025 22:28

mashandgravy · 05/12/2025 22:13

Of course he should have been a gentleman and made sure you got home, or at least on your way home, safely. Can't believe some people on here who think "equality" means it's good for a man who supposedly has romantic interest in a woman to treat her the way OP describes. One commenter... "well, did you make sure he got home okay?" 😂 ...Oh, please.

Edited

I think it's more the expectation that if two adult humans go on a date that presumably both have some degree of romantic interest in, the onus for thoughtful treatment apparently only goes one way.

Franklyannoyed · 05/12/2025 22:32

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 05/12/2025 22:28

I think it's more the expectation that if two adult humans go on a date that presumably both have some degree of romantic interest in, the onus for thoughtful treatment apparently only goes one way.

Show quote history

And you don’t feel buying her dinner and walking her part way to the tube station is thoughtful, she just had to turn up, the thought ful ness is only from the man, she just needs to front up, get some free scan and be escorted home. And ideally get a free taxi?

gannett · 05/12/2025 22:33

BatchCookBabe · 05/12/2025 22:12

100% this. ^ This place is insufferable sometimes when it comes to stuff like this. I mean God FORBID a woman wants a man who cares about her, and looks after her, and wants to fight in her corner, and 'treat,' her and spoil her a bit. And let her know when the chips are down, if she has their child(ren) and her career and finances are affected, he will be there to support her through it, and won't be a tight fisted twat who expects her to pay for childcare and nappies and anything else for the kids out of HER MONEY. (I have seen many threads on here where this has happened!)

And let's face it, womens careers - and finances - are WAY more likely to be affected than mens when they start a family. (Even though many women on this thread claim to earn waaaaaay more than any man they've ever dated/waaaaay more than their husband,) and throw up at the thought of being 'looked after' and treated well, and their husband earning more!!!

I mean, what an entitled princess a woman is if she likes/enjoys to be treated well by a man, and likes to be 'spoilt' by him, and have him care about her. She is setting women back 100 years, and 'what is this, the 1950s?!' Why are you not earning £175,000 a year like some of the posters on this thread, who are tough and feisty and independent women who do NOT need a man for anything - ever... 🙄

Stop trying to pretend that women and men are the same/are equal because they're not. They never will be. Women will NEVER be equal to men, as long as women have to give birth to the children...

The only good thing about all this is that most women in real life don't think like this. Thank God. Mumsnet's parallel universe strikes again!

!

Edited

Show quote history

God it makes me utterly cringe to read a woman insisting so fervently that men and women are not equal.

All of this overblown rhetoric isn't really relevant to the situation at hand, which is after what sounds like a flop first date the OP didn't think of getting on the tube at the nearest stop and was unable/unwilling to pay for her own cab.

FelineFeasts · 05/12/2025 22:35

Muffinmoo · 05/12/2025 15:17

A cab fare would have been literal pennies to him but if he’d have offered to try from his account I would have offered to reimburse. Date went ok before then, I would have at least expected to not be abandoned late at night. I know it upsets some people on here when women have even the mildest of standards.

Show quote history

🤨 Imagine I (F) went on a first date and the man was complaining to strangers online that I didn’t offer to pay for or loan him the money for a taxi home. That would be mental. I then read on to see he’d already paid for your dinner?!

Busybeemumm · 05/12/2025 22:36

He just wasn't that into you. That's ok, you will find someone who is.

Also don't wear heels on a first date as the person is a stranger and you may need to leg it.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/12/2025 22:38

I would've been annoyed if a man insisted on walking me home. I'm not a fan of men who think they need to look after women like we're children.

It sounds like you just aren't compatible which is fine.

Jumpingthruhoops · 05/12/2025 22:39

Itisatruthuniversallyacknowledged · 05/12/2025 15:10

How on earth do you manage life when you’re not on a date?

It's not about that. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but any man worth his salt would make sure a lone female got home safe.

HRTQueen · 05/12/2025 22:40

I don’t expect a man to make sure I get home I am capable of doing that myself

but I know that he likes me and is considerate and possibly worth seeing again if he does