To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Would you have paid for him if he was struggling to get an Uber? Would you have walked him to the tube? And you can look nice without wearing shoes you can’t walk in.

Why are you not capable of doing things yourself? Why do women need a man to control them?

couldnt you have just got on the same tube as him and changed lines if you didnt want to walk

Yes, OP, if you can’t afford to pay for a black cab for any/ all of your journey, what on earth are you doing even leaving your house? Damned irresponsible. I personally never go anywhere without my private helicopter on standby, just in case the tube stops for any reason.

I think morally you are right - he could at least have walked you to the tube station.
Don’t think he should have to pay for your cab, you only expected him to because he is rich and I think sometime people expect the rich to pay for them- to be fair that isn’t how the newly minted generally become rich.
still voted yabu as we want equality and possibly for him this is what equality looks like.
Incidentally, did you split the restaurant bill?

That really isn't a sensible way to go.
You haven't got to know someone before a first date, so it is ALWAYS recommended that you meet them in public, and that you don't let them know where you live until you feel more comfortable and that you have got to know them better.
You need to think more carefully about your own safety.

Two polar views here which proves my point about expectations being different.
Do wonder age range of these posters.
And w agree with @Lolabear38 - your safety ultimately is your responsibility and no one else’s.

and NO he wouldn’t be picking me up/ dropping me off. Why would I want a man I just met to know my address????

What you’ve said does sound grabby but I’d also say trust your gut. He might have left you as he’s aware of personal safety concerns, it he might not care. Your inner voice can probably untangle it.

Really? A man who paid on the first date and bought her dinner and walked her to about two mins from her tube station you think this as he didn’t go the extra two mins and pay for a black cab,

bloody heck. Some women really are incapable and have their hands out.

He couldn’t be bothered with that last 2 minutes.

To be honest, I think the range of replies on this post probably answer the question why he did what he did. Some posters here fully expect a man to make sure their date gets home safely ( and potentially even pay for it), others would be mortally offended even at the suggestion they may need this. Aware I’m going to likely be absolutely flamed for saying this - but I feel a bit sorry for guys in the dating scene at the moment. They’re damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

Date a woman like this and you’ll be on one of the endless threads on websites saying my OH is selfish, she never thinks of me or does stuff for me, she expects me to pay for everything, thinks her money is hers and won’t do joint finances.

@RecordBreakers you would be right if it was a stranger, but as written above, I'd only have gone on a date with someone who is already an acquaintance (friends, work or other initial filters with prior contact in public places and when comfortable enough - proceed to one on one), so no online date surprises or other risky persons. Kind of old school. So, not sure what OP was doing meeting a complete stranger because one can't really expect anything in this situation.

If you were that worried you should have gone into the tube station he went into, and changed your underground route accordingly.

@GasperyJacquesRobertsshe offered to pay for her dinner. He didn’t offer to walk her to the station, he did what was quickest and easiest for him.

It’s not even about money or the romantic side of it. I meet up with a friend regularly who uses public transport and I always drop her back to the station. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to say bye and see her off into the night alone, late at night.

To be honest, if I were him and I’d just paid for dinner then I’d probably think you were a bit of a sponger trying to get a cab ride out of me too. Just use the money you saved from paying your half of the bill.

If you made a choice not to get a cab then why is it the his fault you walked to the tube station. You had other options. I’d I were him then I would have decided to go to a different tube station too.

Wow some of the replies!! I don’t think she’s grabby, entitled or any of the other words some people have used. It’s not setting women back either - when I’m out with people, male or female we’d make sure there were safe routes home.

I think she felt a bit unsafe and wanted some help it’s weird he stood and watched her struggle! That’s the bit that is strange I think. If he really wasn’t interested surely he’d have said goodbye and walked off at that point.

i love hearing some of the lovely stories on here though. Sorry I can’t find the post but the one with the friend code is so nice.

also just to say that I don’t had actually find cabs that safe. I’d almost rather a tube or train as there’s more space to run and more people to hopefully help. Cabs can lock doors and take you anywhere. Sorry to be doomful (not sure that’s a word!)

She's being "torn down" - or "disagreed with" - because she appears to be an entitled princess. I'm basing this entirely on OP's posts so hopefully she isn't IRL.

You're an adult. If you choose to wear non functional shoes you can't walk far in or non seasonal clothing for vanity, that's on you. Nobody has to enable your dumb choices by paying for rides for you or walking you to a subway.

You said his stop was on the same line. You could have walked to his instead of expecting him to escort you.

If I had just paid for dinner for someone then they told me they couldn’t afford a cab I’d assume they weren’t planning on paying for anything that evening and that they were hinting at me to pay. If he’s paid for dinner you must’ve had the cost of a meal on you? So that could’ve gone on a cab. Whilst I think it’s nice to make sure people you are with get to a bus/train/cab etc. safely, that doesn’t include paying for transportation for a grown adult you’ve known for 1 evening.

I read an interview a couple of days ago with Sarah Everard’s mum. She (Sarah) was walking alone at night when she was abducted, and ultimately murdered. Be a feminist all you like, but sadly, it’s actually not at all unreasonable for a woman to feel vulnerable walking alone at night. Or in the daytime for that matter.

Vanity??! Dumb choices?? Why is everyone so annoyed tonight.

regardless of her shoes or clothes - it’s about getting home safely. He stood and watched her struggle to get an uber and then didn’t offer to walk her to the tube.

she didn’t ask for money and offered to pay for half of dinner.

Well chivalry is dead then. Apparently.

There was no need for you to walk anywhere alone!

You could have walked to his tube stop and gone home from there. You didn't. That's your choice.