To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

In that case, kindly he probably didn't like you that much.

I must have remained very old school but no first date in my books would be without both him picking me up and dropping me off (cab or walk is weather/distance/attire dependent). Obviously, some prior vetting and basic acquaintance is required. Basic gallantry goes a long way.

Three quarters of almost 1100 posters voting (so far) have agreed with you @Muffinmoo and think YANBU... So ignore the naysayers, and the beraters, calling you 'entitled' and a 'princess.' They're just projecting. This guy is obviously a complete waste of time, and you deserve better. He sounds mindnumbingly dull and tedious, and uncaring.

It’s a bit cringe of you to say that you couldn’t afford a black cab when you could because you expected him to pay 😬

He was crass for talking about money all evening, you were crass for expecting him to pay your cab fare home.

Why on earth does it matter?

Wait until you see the threads where some women say they actually communicate with their partners/husbands during the working day and also when they're away on business! Omg so clingy! So needy!

He sounds like an arse. Your standards are completely normal. So many "pick me" types on the Internet it's sad really. It's literally basic human decency to make sure someone gets home alright ffs 😂 And mentioning that you can't really justify the black cab fare...omg resurrect the suffragettes!! You've set us all back 100 years!

@GagMeWithASpoon Maybe he was wondering why on earth she was walking to a station further away, when his line from the nearby station passes through it? If they’d been in Leicester Square say and she needed the central line, why would she totter helplessly to Tottenham Court Road when she could get on the tube right there in Leicester Square and then change? It doesn’t make sense for someone concerned about safety / walking there in heels.

She wanted him to flag down and pay for a twice-as-expensive black cab instead.

He probably regretted bragging about money because this is where it lands you!

Firstly, never wear footwear that prevents you from getting somewhere independently.

Secondly, it's December - it's going to be cold and sometimes difficult to get a taxi.

Thirdly, this is London - the city is heaving and it's perfectly safe to get the tube.

Yes, this, absolutely.
I don't know how much has changed over 20+ years, when I dated my now husband.
He would have automatically made sure of this, in fact he visited my country of origin couple of times (Europe), just to get to know me (and date).
Obviously, then I visited Britain and the rest is history.

No I wouldn’t have expected this. I date women as well as men, who should walk each other home in that situation? I’m perfectly capable of navigating myself home in every other situation (night out with friends, work event etc) and a date with a man is no exception. In fact a man who thinks I need that or tried to pay or see me home would make me think he doesn’t share my values.

Hmm so he paid for your meal… and you didn’t have money for a black cab? How much you have paid for the meal?

I agree that my old fashioned view is that a man gets you home - but you’re a grown up, and it’s a first date. I’d plan a date where I know I could get home from easily next time

Well exactly. If he doesn't see you as a helpless ward and splash some cash how can he possibly think that he deserves to spend time with you? I mean, it's not like you're a capable adult human - you're a commodity to be bought, dammit!

I totally agree with you. He is not right for you (or anyone).

FYI I highly recommend, if you want to entertain yourself after a date, to casually offer to walk the man to his tube station. The look on their face is always priceless. It amused me back in the day anyway.

i wouldn't be arranging a 2nd date if that is the amount of care and thought he showed. However I think we are partly to blame, number of post on her this week saying women don't need protectors, so men get mixed messages.

Why on earth would you teach your son to pay for the meals of strangers that (it seems pretty clear) haven't even got on particularly well ?

I was last dating in the 1980s and would fully expect to pay my way on a date then. Surely the World hasn't gone backwards that much in 40 years? Well, I know it hasn't, as I have dc in their 20s and none of them would expect one person to pay simply because he was born with a penis.

Neither of my dds would go out without the means to get home. They are also astute enough to know that the likelihood of them being attacked by an individual they have met on-line and met for one date is FAR higher than being attacked by a random stranger when traveling home at night.

Ignore the posters OP I know how hard it is getting an Uber at times.

I also have a pet hate for men who don’t bother dressing appropriately on dates. That in itself it telling you he doesn’t give a shit. It makes you feel daft for making the effort when he isn’t.

Your standards are not too high. Don’t settle.

Yep now you know that he’s not the one for you if you didn’t already realise from your dinner conversation. Bad form him not escorting you to the tube even if he didn’t want to see you again either.

Totally agree with this.

In particular the way you dress.
I've thought on many an occasion, seeing my dds go out, how great it is that you no longer have to dress a certain uncomfortable way to be admitted to a club or City Centre bar anymore, like we did in the 80s.
If you are walking any distance / traveling on public transport / nervous of walking home in the evening, then it is on you to dress to be able to do it.

I was born in 1963 and when I started dating seriously/entering the working world, my dad told me to always pay my own way, always make sure I had emergency funds on me, never cadge drinks or meals. It was good advice then and it's good advice now.

How do women expect to be respected if they are eyeing the wallets of people they have barely even met? (let alone anyone else's wallet....)

No not really. It’s a first date- he owes you nothing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.

Why didn't you walk with him to the nearest tube stop? Surely that would have made more sense!

Date a man like this and you’ll be on one of the endless threads on here saying my DH is selfish, he never thinks of me or does stuff for me, he expects me to pay him back when I return to work after baby, he thinks his money is his and won’t do joint finances

Anyone who wangs on about how much money they have probably doesn't have anything useful to add to your life.

I would expect to (and make advance plans) to leave independently, but would be more charmed by a date who walked me to my station than by one who didn't. So, I get why you were put off - it's a bit of a "meh" ending if noone takes any trouble over the goodbyes!