To have expected him to make sure I got home ok?

[Muffinmoo]

First date last night with a guy who spent most of the evening telling me about how rich he was and all the companies he had owned and sold.

Left the restaurant, freezing outside. I am having trouble getting an uber. He is just standing there watching me struggle to try and book a cab. He suggests I get a black cab. Tell him I can’t really afford it. Eventually I give up and say I will walk to the tube which is about a 5-10 minute walk (I’m in heels). He walks with me part way before leaving me alone at gone midnight to go to his easiest tube stop. I have to walk to the tube in the dark by myself. He could have got the same tube line from the same station as me.
AIBU for expecting him to at least walk me to the tube if not help get me taxi??? Or is that too much these days?! 🙈

Rude. Don't see him again.

To be fair, you got a free dinner out of it, and he wasn’t much into you, so you did pretty well there. Maybe you were giving off needy/greedy vibes. That’s not attractive to a lot of men (or women).

Exactly.

I wouldn’t be seeing him again. I would expect him to sort the cab if you were having trouble or accompany you to the station and then message to say did you get home ok. Have you heard from him since you parted company? If he could’ve got on at the same station as you, it sounds like he was trying to wrap the night up tbh.

This reminds me of my super rich boss. I got on well with him but he was just so selfish and mean with money. He went on a date with a woman he really liked and her car wouldn’t start but he went indoors and left her outside trying to sort it on her own. He was surprised that she wasn’t interested in meeting again, funnily enough

Its a shame how some people seem to think that wanting other people to behave well and have some kindess is akin to entitlement.

Its not about money at all. I think people who think its about money must be obsessed with it themselves.,
HTH.

If, for example, she had lost her purse yes I would expect him to do the decent thing and lend her the money at least. If there were no cabs at all, yes I would expect him to walk her to the tube station as a minimum. If her way home was a 5 minute walk but through underpasses and alleyways yes it would be very mean not to walk her.

But you’re all missing the fact she had a safe option (a black cab) and chose not to take this as she wanted to save a few quid. If she doesn’t prioritise her own safety, and makes out to a virtual stranger that she feels so safe she doesn’t see the extra £20 or whatever as a price worth paying, then you can’t blame him for shrugging and thinking ‘ok whatever then’.

Because it’s a man’s job apparently to magic a cab out of thin air.

Hmm I don't think it was wise to say that you couldn't afford a black cab. Besides, they aren't THAT expensive. Did he pay for the date, or did you split?

He should have walked you to the tube, however. It was very rude of him not to do so, anyone on here bleating otherwise is obviously out of touch with reality. It's just good manners. The last guy i dated used to walk me to the platform!

It would not have hurt him to make sure you were home safely. A decent man would have done so.
I wouldn't bother seeing him again.

I don’t think it’s OK OP and if my DS had admitted to this I would have flipped my shit.

I wouldn’t expect him to pay or anything as you didn’t but I just think a basic awareness of a woman on her own getting back safely is non negotiable. Even if you don’t fancy them.

What a cunt. What decent man doesn’t acknowledge that even the most independent of women are at risk at night in their own?

I agree with you. I imagine she’s a capable adult who managed to pay for food and drink when she’s not on a night out with a virtual stranger and has managed to get herself home after a night out with friends on many occasions.

I would expect him to offer to walk her to the station but then if I was in that position and had a free meal, I’d have jumped in a black cab which is far safer than an Uber anyway. Or I would have sorted a taxi while I was still on the restaurant

No she isn't. She has standards and I think she should stick to them! It will help her in the long run.

I don't understand all the 'he should take her home' etc surely she had to get from the station to home once she got off the tube?

Well women fought for their equal rights and they got 'em 🤣🤣

But do you never go out alone and get yourself home late at night??

i get myself to north London most weekends alone on public transport super late at night (I wouldn’t ever be in heels though)

I never expected my husband to come and meet me or anything and he can’t now anyway as we have little kids in the house

Is it possible that he is so rich he did not understand when you said you couldn't afford a black cab ? Also how would he pay for it was there a cash machine nearby? What's this about "his account "?

But who's to say that the guy op went on a date with is safe? Or that the next one will be safe 🤷 she could just easily be raped and killed by someone she's on a date with - especially if they end up with her address by booking her a cab

Standards that the men should pay for both date and transport so she can save the money?

YABU.

I'm in my sixties and it really pisses me off when well meaning people assume my age/sex mean I'm not capable of navigating London (or any city) on my own or walking a few hundred yards at night unaccompanied.

In the highly unlikely event that I was in a unfamiliar or sketchy area at night I would speak up and say 'I'm not comfortable on my own here- would you mind walking me to the station?'. In the equally unlikely event that this request was denied I'd get a black cab to the station.

This man may or not be as rich as he has implied but even if he is it doesn't mean you get to decide how he spends his money.

I think we can assume he's just not that into you.

Correct and I have sons.

I expect that’s why OP is single! Im always pleasantly surprised to receive the offer of the date settling the bill, and usually accept. But I draw the line at trying to get a cab fare out of him as well.

Yes he should have walked you to the tube. But nothing would turn me off more (unless you are aged under 21) than someone telling me they couldn’t afford a taxi home, whether that’s a man or a woman.

If he is selling companies and is a wealthy guy he is not going to be impressed with a woman who can’t afford a black cab home. You don’t sound aligned.

Standards that the men should pay for both date and transport so she can save the money?

Well, quite. I think this chap dodged a very expensive bullet here.

I remember a girl from uni used to boast about nights out clubbing that hadn't cost her a penny as she would cadge food and drinks all night and then blag a lift home with someone else paying the cab fare. Sounds rather like the OP.

Exactly this. He paid for the food. Surely OP is big enough to pay for a her own cab home. Fair enough if they had been married for ten years but expecting a first date to pay to get you home is just grabby.

My goodness I feel old! Surely it doesn’t matter who you are or what the situation is be it a date, friends, colleagues it’s very basic manners to check a safe journey home for all. I would be mortified if I left someone to sort themselves out and something happened, especially as in this case he didn’t have to go far out his way to get on the same tube from the same station. I do agree with not going out without the means of a taxi fare on you in todays world that is a bit silly.