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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jellybean23 · 05/12/2025 23:24

Would your direct debits fail and run up bank fees if you were paid late? Would you be angry with your employer? You know when the money is due so pay on time.

Wellretired · 05/12/2025 23:25

As soon as you get your invoice, instruct your bank to pay it on the due date
There, done and dusted. She's given you late penalties and threatened to withdraw care? And you still thought it unimportant? I'm sure it was embarrassing but its not as if it came out of the blue.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 05/12/2025 23:27

BuckChuckets · 05/12/2025 20:56

Aren't you at all embarrassed about this?

Show quote history

I'd say she's not embarrassed, but has self entitlement by the bucket load!

Just pay her, set a reminder, stop taking the micky out of the woman, How would you feel if your work often paid you late? pretty pissed off I'd imagine.

You are VVVU

lola006 · 05/12/2025 23:35

This can’t be real. If it actually is then PLEASE go find a nursery, OP. You’ll find out after one month (or maybe just a fortnight) that your invoice can’t just fall to the bottom of the pile before your child loses their place.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2025 23:36

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Would you be happy if you had to send your employers a text to remind them to pay you, @havasack? Of course not.

Give your childminder the same respect you expect from your employer - after all, she is looking after something very precious to you!

Sallycanwait44 · 05/12/2025 23:41

She could have gone without food for a few days as you haven't paid your bill. She could have extra fees from not being able to pay her bills on time.

mollypuss1 · 05/12/2025 23:57

This site is getting tiresome - So many made up bullshit posts lately.

Heyisforhorses · 05/12/2025 23:59

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

The person who is looking after my children would be a standing order/payment before my Netflix or similar type payments. Don't be such a dose and sort your payments out. If I was her I'd cut out the client who needs minding as well as minding her kids.

SALaw · 06/12/2025 00:01

Linenpickle · 05/12/2025 07:38

how would you feel if your employer paid you late? You’re out of order.

Only a few days

FancyHelper · 06/12/2025 00:08

She should not have to “remind you “
it should be your priority
set up a standing order
it’s embarrassing having to ask for money you are owed

ClairDeLaLune · 06/12/2025 00:13

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Why should she send you a text to remind you? She isn’t your PA. Or your mum. Grow up and set your own reminders. YABVU.

Miraclemuma03 · 06/12/2025 00:16

Yeah your in the wrong for not paying your fees on time.. if your child was in care and you didnt pay your fees on time then you wouldn't be able to put your child in care until fees were paid . Why are you going away for the weekend or on holidays when your not paying your bills when you should? Shes absolutely pissed off because she is never paid on time and has her own bills and commitments that need to be paid also she needs to eat. Imagine if your job didnt pay on time each week , wouldn't you take it further. Also why is it her job to remind you to pay her? Id say she was frustrated with you in that situation and it blurted out. Yes she should have done it privately but these things happen out of frustration. She probably couldn't afford to do absolutely anything over the weekend because she was waiting for her money but was alright for you to go away for the weekend and have no worries. Im surprised she is still working for you..

Daygloboo · 06/12/2025 00:21

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

You should pay on time but she didnt have to deal with it like that. Id change childminders or find a nursery.

BicesterBiscuits · 06/12/2025 00:23

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Maybe she has bills going out the day after payday.

You not paying by a few days could have meant that she couldn't afford to pay her mortgage or received bank charges.

How would you feel if your work decided to be a few days late paying you whenever they felt like it or 'forgot'?

Plus, I expect the poor woman had already spent money on YOUR kids (such as food, resources etc). Why should she be out of pocket?

YABVU!

Booboobagins · 06/12/2025 00:26

@havasack Pay her on time.

YAB extremly U.

How about employees pay their staff late, not by weeks just a few days?

Or your child benefit/other benefits is paid late, not by weeks, just by a few days?

Pay people on time!

MrsJeanLuc · 06/12/2025 00:26

Liverpool52 · 05/12/2025 20:55

Or set up a reminder in your phone. That's not hard either.

Or maybe just pay her when you get the invoice - that's not hard either.

BicesterBiscuits · 06/12/2025 00:28

Having read your other posts on this thread, it sounds like the poor woman is at the end of her tether with you not paying on time once too often.

You deserved to be shamed in front of other people. You sound so entitled.

There is absolutely no excuse for paying her late. The minute you get the invoice, you set up a payment to come out on the correct date! She shouldn't have to remind you!

I think you should go to a nursery... you'd have a shock if you pay them late, they won't stand for it at all. You'll have care suspended AND be charged extra fees.

Mummysof · 06/12/2025 00:45

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Just don’t pay late. I never did and there was no issues. It was top priority for me. I also wouldn’t transfer to a nursery they are shite and that’s coming from me who works in one unfortunately and I’d never send my child to anything other than school nursery at 3

Mummysof · 06/12/2025 00:47

Your attitude stinks. You’re paying for a service. You’re not forgetting to drop your child off so how can you magically forget to pay. It’s not on her to remind you that’s on you the minute you get paid.

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/12/2025 00:48

Daygloboo · 06/12/2025 00:21

You should pay on time but she didnt have to deal with it like that. Id change childminders or find a nursery.

Show quote history

and OP may find that some childminders and definitely nurseries have less patience than this childminder.

At my DC's nursery, you would just get a late fee with no reminders.

lobsteroll · 06/12/2025 00:49

It is so disrespectful to pay her late. It shows you don’t value what she is doing for you. She’s probably seething inside and couldn’t help herself in the playground, you should be embarrassed, not furious.

TeenLifeMum · 06/12/2025 00:52

This cannot be real? No one can be this delusional in real life. It’s rare for a CF to post and out themselves.

TwistedWonder · 06/12/2025 00:53

So when she invoices you, set a future dated payment so you dont ’forget’ to pay.

This has to be a wind up I can’t believe anyone is so ridiculously entitled that they think they’re in the right ‘only’ paying someone late on a few occasions.

Most childcare providers charge a late fee - why are they be inconvenienced fires because you can’t collect your child on time?

This place never fails

LasVegass · 06/12/2025 00:57

You’ll find that nurseries can charge you a fee for collecting late by the hour, let alone days. Having said that, she doesn’t sound nice and I’d worry she’s equally abrasive with the children.

BanditoShipman · 06/12/2025 01:27

This can’t be real, surely no one is this thick??