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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
YourAquaLion · 05/12/2025 21:57

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

If this is your attitude to paying her on time then you defo deserve pulling up about it. It’s a total pain in the whatname to continually chase people for payments and that’s why there’s an extra charge for it. If you used a ‘’more professional” outfit you’d be paying loads more for late payments and then they might cancel your childcare agreement. It’s exactly the same deal. Just pay her on time like you’re supposed to, it’s not that hard.

User5306921 · 05/12/2025 21:57

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

So when you are late, does she open the door and wave them off or does she watch them until you arrive?

I imagine she is at the end of her tether with you and hopes you will remove your kids. You clearly do not respect her or the job she does.

YABU.

columnatedruinsdomino · 05/12/2025 21:57

I think the op’s having a bit of fun to get us all frothing, no one’s that entitled.

ArtfulPinkBird · 05/12/2025 21:59

It's not her job to send you a reminder text, it's your responsibility to remember to pay for a service you've received. It also doesn't matter what her financial situation is and it's really nobody else's business, as others have said she deserves to be paid on time.

I don't think she should have called you out on this in public but I'm also not surprised given you've clearly got form for not paying on time. She's probably sick of it. Just pay the poor woman!

tinytemper66 · 05/12/2025 22:05

She has bills to pay. You were late paying.

m00rfarm · 05/12/2025 22:10

Why were you embarrassed? You were not embarrassed to "forget" to pay her on time (again). So clearly it is not an issue for you.

tinytemper66 · 05/12/2025 22:13

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

I bet you didn’t forget to pay the bill when you we met away for the weekend.

tinytemper66 · 05/12/2025 22:13

tinytemper66 · 05/12/2025 22:13

I bet you didn’t forget to pay the bill when you we met away for the weekend.

Show quote history

Went away…

FoxesSox · 05/12/2025 22:18

YABU for not paying her. And she’s had to remind you before? Absolutely disgusting behaviour. YOU are the unprofessional one. You are an adult and shouldn’t need reminders. You owe her a big apology she shouldn’t be chasing to get paid 4 days late (and sounds like a regular occurrence ). It might be peanuts and “not a big deal to pay late” to your privileged self, but she isn’t looking after your darlings for the good of her heart.

StepAwayFromMyCrutches · 05/12/2025 22:19

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Pay the invoice when it arrives, you won't need a reminder and won't incur late fees and she won't feel the need to publicly shame you into paying. Or set up yout own reminder. It isn't hard and it is your responsibility to pay your bills without repeated requests.
She is a self employed individual who probably cannot have gaps in payments when her own bills are due.

And as for her having holidays. You know nothing about how she is paying for that. Maybe it is a family member, or she has been saving for years.

You sound so incredibly entitled.

AnOldCynic · 05/12/2025 22:25

@havasack is it the same amount every week/month? Set up a standing order?

no excuse for constantly forgetting.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 05/12/2025 22:25

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

You're a grown-up! The onus is on YOU to remember to pay her on time, particularly as she clearly DOES mind and charges you late fees whenever you don't!

Set a reminder, set up a standing order, whatever it takes, and take responsibility for your own adult self.

Love2read12 · 05/12/2025 22:30

It doesn’t matter if she had millions in the bank. You are due to pay her and have paid £100 in late fees. 10 lates minimum and all the times you have been late before she introduced that. Why are you so entitled. Surely this is a wind up 🫣🥴

lizzyBennet08 · 05/12/2025 22:35

I think I'd be lining up a nursery. It sounds like she's getting ready to dump you as a cliient.

PhilOPastry62 · 05/12/2025 22:35

So everyone who earns enough to have a holiday abroad should be totally fine with having to remind their employer to pay them as a matter of course when the pay cheque doesn't arrive on time. Is that what you think, OP?

LemonLass · 05/12/2025 22:37

Linenpickle · 05/12/2025 07:36

She’s a judgey nosey cow!

No judgment of anyone this is an observation of an absurd comment made. @linenpickle you don't know the person and name-calling does not help in any situation...

@havasack when someone is working for you, they are entitled to expect payment in a timely manner. I don't know the terms of your arrangement (timing agreed from invoice to payment) but your post suggests it takes an invoice and then a nudge to pay. It seems this has irked your childminder. Your childminder could have been more discreet and discussed this out of earshot of people at school pick up. You could arrange to pay on time.

I don't often vote though sometimes comment. I voted that YABU because this late paying is habitual and has resulted in the situation and embarassed that this situation was overheard and may be subject to gossip?

friedeggrunny · 05/12/2025 22:43

I wrote earlier that you were a CF.

You are worse that that actually.

With every update you sound entitled, rude and disrespectful to the person who is looking after your child.

Your time is not more important than your childminders!

Why should the childminder spend time chasing her wages. JFC.

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 05/12/2025 22:43

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Dear god woman
catch yourself on

Would you be understanding if your employer didn’t pay you and you had to go cap in hand to ask for your salary??

I mean obviously child minding is just ‘keeping your hand in/pin money /wimmins work’ not like a real job- and let’s face it she’s actually privileged to be looking after your precious darling and should be doing so from the goodness of her heart but I suppose the selfish cow just like the rest of us had to eat, pay bills etc

how annoying for you
what a bitch eh!

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 05/12/2025 22:45

columnatedruinsdomino · 05/12/2025 21:57

I think the op’s having a bit of fun to get us all frothing, no one’s that entitled.

I think so lol god bless her x

BananaMilkshake77 · 05/12/2025 22:49

I think she will say good riddance when you leave for a nursery.

The nursery may not also be so accomodating to your constant late payment.

What she said was unprofessional but tbh she was probably fed up.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 05/12/2025 22:51

You are the CF in this and you needed telling. Perhaps you’ll think about paying on time now that others know what you’re like. The day to pay BY was Monday. That means you should pay by then at the very latest. You seem to think that’s the day when she should start having to chase you with reminders. So rude and cheeky to not pay on time so often. Aren’t you embarrassed about that?! If your wages have ever arrived days late I’m sure you’d have had something to say about that.

Mere1 · 05/12/2025 23:10

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Pay on time.

HoppingPavlova · 05/12/2025 23:14

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

This has to be one of the most entitled and self-absorbed things I have ever read.

I’m amazed she actually turned up at the school gate. I wouldn’t if you hadn’t paid, and it wasn’t like you were in an accident and in ICU in hospital, instead you just couldn’t be arsed to be organised.

Do you or your DH work? Would you be happy to front up if your pay was a few days late because your employer couldn’t be bothered to be organised and it ‘was only a couple of days’ late, and to add to that it wasn’t as though you sent them reminders so it wasn’t their fault, and also they knew you had booked an overseas holiday so it doesn’t matter if they pay you on time or not. Would yourself and your DH really be prepared to accept that from your employer? Yet you expect someone to accept it from you? Wow.

NooNooHead · 05/12/2025 23:17

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 05/12/2025 22:43

Dear god woman
catch yourself on

Would you be understanding if your employer didn’t pay you and you had to go cap in hand to ask for your salary??

I mean obviously child minding is just ‘keeping your hand in/pin money /wimmins work’ not like a real job- and let’s face it she’s actually privileged to be looking after your precious darling and should be doing so from the goodness of her heart but I suppose the selfish cow just like the rest of us had to eat, pay bills etc

how annoying for you
what a bitch eh!

Show quote history

This is a great reply, made me chuckle! 😂

HoppingPavlova · 05/12/2025 23:18

I think I'd be lining up a nursery. It sounds like she's getting ready to dump you as a cliient

And do will the nursery when it becomes apparent they are a habitual late payer, who only does so when it’s convenient for them to get around to it.