To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

I think the NHS does.

Honestly all three of mine watched CBeebies for hours on end sometimes to give me a break and all three of them have gone on to do degrees (Business, Psychology and English Lit/History) I wish I could go back and give myself a good talking to. Be kind to yourself TV is not bad !

What do you mean by developmental issues here? The research is clear that using screens as a babysitter for significant chunks of time has a negative impact on academic and social outcomes. That doesn’t mean all those children go to school unable to talk properly (though some do) or similar shocking examples, it means that overall children who get too little stimulation reach their milestones a little bit later, do a little bit less well academically, are a bit less happy socially, etc.

Bringing up kids is hard, especially in modern families where it’s often fairly isolating. Lots of parents resort to TV. But just because lots of parents do it doesn’t mean it’s a good way to go.

Give your children the attention you can and if you aren’t able to for big chunks of time, make sure someone else is.

The idea that children need hours and hours attention and stimulation is a very modern way of thinking. Even when I was a child (30+ years ago) parents weren't expected to provide a constant stream of entertainment and activities.

Six hours of TV (on a bad day) split up into small chunks is FINE, especially when OP is out everyday, takes her DD swimming and to playgroup, takes her on school runs etc.

Since when were children expected to be provided with so much stuff?

I would strongly disagree with that.

Dont beat yourself upbabout it. You cant change whats happened already. But, It is way to much telly. I was trapped inside with my 2 during covid. I had to get creative.

I did messy play. I hate messy play but the kids loved it. I would do rice crispies and little digger toys. Whetabix and farm animals. Edible mud and farm animals. Loads of different utensils to scoop up food and put it in a bowl. Ice cubes with toys trapped insde. Food colouring and spaghetti. I would reuse the cereal. If you put down a plastic sheet it's easy to clean up.

Would do non messy stuff as well. Magic water books., puffy reusable stickers, paint in a zip lock bag and tape to the floor to swish around. Paper in a deep tray dip the ball in paint and tip the tray so it rolls around. Pain on car wheels and whizz them on paper.

I'd go out in all weather's. Kids don't care that it's cold or wet. They just need appropriate clothing.

I'd save the 6 hour TV days for sickness or ehen you literally can't move.

I think it was a different world. When I was a kid there was only 4 channels and what was on telly was boring. Our telly was always on but we wouldnt have been watching it. We were entertained just in a different way. My mum would put out pans and we'd bash them with wooden spoons. We'd do baking or cooking. Wed also help my mum do the jobs. We were involved in cleaning, folding, dusting even as young as 2. We also play independently. I'd play for hours with dolls. There's so much mind grabbing, zoning out shit for kids to watch or play now.

There is, but they don't have to watch it. Kids TV can still be the same as it was when we were young.

Give yourself a break. I have teenagers now but remember the littlies years and we had periods of too much screen time or rubbish food if someone went through a fussy phase or bad sleep, it’s sometimes a case of whatever gets you through this little bit! You’re aware of it, just make sure it’s not forever.

But clearly @wetwinter toddler is.

We didn't have 6 hours a day of kids TV avaliable to us in the 70s and 80s. It wasn't a thing.

ETA: My kids loved button moon. Lol

I've judged it. Not because I think I'm perfect, but because I'm right that having to deal with other people's (lazy parents') kids, tweens and teens is eye-opening. They can no longer focus, hold a conversation, think about other people, try hard enough, accept being told no...the list goes on. People who can't be arsed bringing their kids up well, and then foist them upon the rest of society, affect everyone.

Just saying.

Why don't you keep a record of how much DC is watching and properly time it? It sounds like more than 3 hours.

I’ve got a 3 year old DD. Around 2, I was part-time and she was at childcare 4 days a week. No family support so no opportunities to drop with grandparents or other family. DD and I had every Friday together and it wasn’t long before I realised I also was using TV to fill in gaps between napping and going on a few outings.

I extended her daycare and went back to work full-time (DH is full-time too). Daycare helped a lot with skills and DD would come home doing things I would never have come up with on my own. It is also a great opportunity to be with kids her own age as we don’t have anyone remotely close to her age around her.

I will be judged for having my child in daycare though. I know though might DD is confident and smart thanks to daycare’s influence, and our weekends are very little screen time now.

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends
no screen time for children under 2 years old, except for video calls, and less than one hour daily for ages 2-4, emphasizing play, physical activity, and human interaction for healthy development, as screens can hinder learning and development by being too fast-paced and replacing real-world engagement, though the UK has different guidelines. So yes you are letting her watch far too much and this is why you feel guilty.

How on earth did we cope in the days before all this official guidance and pages of made up rules?

It's because of that use of TV to babysit kids 30+ years ago that we now know that lots of it is bad for kids. The research is clear.

But it's not as though every child was brilliantly looked after before TV came along. If OP were sticking her toddler in a play pen with little interaction for hours on end that would also be poor for them.

@snoopythebeagle
I know - it’s a bit mad isn’t it. We should all still be smoking around children and not bothering about car seats and putting rice in bottles to them sleep longer. And let’s go back to corporal punishment while we are at it.

This thread has taken a very nasty turn.

Some will have TV, some won’t, some will use nursery, some won’t, some will do things differently, I’m sure we all love our children and do our best by them.

I think it's fine. It's what, a couple of hours? Three? You have two children and limited time to get everything done while at home. Do what you need to do. You're obviously not neglecting her and using it to babysit while you do nothing at all with her.

You're doing fine.

Yes, because that’s exactly the same 🙄

Ignore the posters who clearly have nothing better to do than to come and kick you when you’re down.

@snoopythebeagle
So what should we do ? Ignore all the years of research into the harm of screen use for toddlers?

Maybe trust that most parents are doing their best and don’t need to be constantly kicked - and also recognise that there are many thriving, successful adults alive who watched plenty of TV and played plenty of video games without combusting or developing some kind of behavioural disorder.

@wetwinter my toddler watched more TV than I would like when I was having chemo. She is 3.5 now and some days doesn’t watch any at all. She is bright, loves books and crafts, is interested in writing the letters in her name (everywhere 🫠) and plays lovely imaginary games by herself. We live in a rural area and have dogs so have always gone outside 😂 but there was a period of our lives where there was a LOT of telly. I don’t see any evidence that the screens “damaged” her at all and I sometimes think that those who judge too harshly aren’t fully appreciating their privilege.