To stop giving myself a hard time about the amount of TV my toddler is watching?

[wetwinter]

Toddler (2 and a half) is watching too much TV. I know this.

She generally wakes at around 6, and I go downstairs with her so she doesn’t wake anyone else up. And the TV does go on then. It’s dark, cold, I’m tired and not up for much else.

Then I make breakfast and get everyone dressed and out on the school run for older sibling. We then generally do an activity in the morning; a playgroup or swimming. We do get outside if the weather is OK. Then home for lunch. It’s then things get a bit tricky. She has dropped her nap and attempts to encourage ‘quiet time’ haven’t been very successful; she just cries / gets upset in her cot. So she watched TV during and after lunch.

Then after I’ve picked her sister up from school they play for a bit but then at around 4, she’s getting very, very tired and her sister is also wanting to chill out and watch some TV, so on it goes again

I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development. It wasn’t too bad when she slept a bit later in the morning and was still napping; it was just a little bit in the morning and then evening. Now though it feels like it’s really creeping up but with the weather being wet and cold and dark early it’s hard finding motivation.

I know there are activities like reading, colouring which we do do but they don’t hold her attention for long at all.

I am wondering whether to just accept it’s winter; the screen time will go up and go down to sensible levels again as the weather improves or to make more of an effort!

She does spend time with her - they go out and do activities everyday. Or are you choosing to ignore that bit in order to get a dig in?

My parents had to work a lot when we were younger

My grandma was looking after us so we watched what we wanted

We were glued to the tv

We all completed phds!!!!

I was first place in oxbridge

It did us no harm and I hate when others go to town about parents who have the tv on

Parenting is so bloody hard already

As someone with a PhD do you trust the peer-reviewed scientific research that finds screen time is harmful to the developing brains of young children?

Ok, I do understand.

Another thing that works well for us is kids yoga, search Cosmic Kids on YouTube. She has special videos for toddlers and also content on age-appropriate mindfulness exercises. I feel at least if they’re moving their bodies when the TV is on, that’s something.

I would really recommend a tonie box, and after lunch sit with her and read a book or two as quiet time. I have a 3 year old and 5 month old so i know the struggles. We do let our 3YO have tv but its limited. We do not allow youtube or any silly shows like that, its usually 1 or 2 episodes of pepper pig or a film (finding nemo/ sing / madagascar) then if he’s had a film that will be no more tv that day.
I also find colour books and sticker books really helpful! Baking is also good to pass time in the day

Sorry seen you do have a tonie box, just maybe try encouraging it a little more. I would get too worked up though, yes she’s probs having a little too much, but the world we live in now is full of screens, we are always on our phones? It’s everywhere. Maybe have a google of some activities and try to cut out one bit of screen time a day, could be the morning one colouring book at the table / play dough / sticker books) and then leave it at that, you’re doing your best we all are

It’s probably too much but it’s not the end of the world, I doubt they’ll become a serial killer as a direct result.

Both my DC probably watch too much but as a couple of others have said I’m more relaxed as long as everything else is fine. For example DS is top part of the top sets for everything, plays sport 4 times a week and goes to scouts…seems like he’s doing ok. DD is tracking at exceeding for most things, ahead of progress in SATs, does gymnastics, dance/drama and Cubs…seems like she’s doing ok.

My sons watched quite a bit of TV and videos, as did their peers - they are now successful 40-somethings, so no apparent harm done.

But back in the day things were different: only one TV in the house; it was the only screen time they had as no screen time at school, or personal tablets when in the buggy or car; and when waiting to eat in a restaurant they would be given crayons and a place mat to colour in to keep them occupied.

Now screens are the go-to from a very early age and from what I've read the evidence is clear that it's doing them no good and is addictive.

2-3 is definitely the toughest age for occupying downtime! I don't think there's much issue with TV time itself (as you say it's seasonal and she does plenty of other activities), but if you're not comfortable with it then worth exploring options. Can you try to replace either the morning or the lunchtime one? (You'll know which works best for your family) Mine also resisted quiet time after dropping her nap (just shy of 2 😭) but she would listen to a soothing play list with me (meditation type music) and we'd cuddle on the sofa. It was the reset I needed at that point in the day as well. Usually only lasted 10-20 mins but I found after that she would potter happily with toys or we'd read stories. Good luck, it's hard when you're tired and unmotivated 🩷

@CheeseIsMyIdol

lol

lol

I am the biggest advocate of it !!

What harm will some time each day do

Come off it ?!!

Also OP

Sounds like you have loads of wonderful activities mixed in too 😀

So many judgy parents. I wonder if all the perfect parents have tweens and teens who are glued to their phones.
When mine were little the tv was practically never off and we didn't go out every day, although we did have a garden.
Now they are three adults in their 30s. Two watch tv if it's something they are interested in so definitely no mindless reality tv and one doesn't have a tv. They all read for pleasure and have various hobbies so it doesn't seem to have stunted their growth in any way.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

You know how your child is doing.

DD is 5, as mentioned further up. Her teacher told us at parents evening that she is the most enthusiastic learner in the class and takes on every challenge with gusto.

I'm regularly getting told that she's so well-behaved, so polite, so bright- and sometimes the person saying it adds something about how it's so nice to see a child who hasn't been spoilt by screentime.

What they don't know is that due to our schedules and a range of other factors, she watches an absolute ton of TV. We do have some rules around what TV she's allowed to watch and when (no TV at mealtimes or on playdates for example) but it's a lot. I won't guess at how much lest I bring on the wrath of the judgy Mums. Studies show that statistically speaking, kids don't learn a lot from TV, but all kids are different we have seen direct results of her watching a TV programme, picking up words, and using them. She especially likes shows with music- her favourite right now is Beat Bugs and she's started listening to the Beatles a lot as a result- and she also likes to memorise the lyrics and then will write them down, albeit with iffy spelling.

If my kid is binge watching a series about insects singing Beatles songs and then sitting down to write out the lyrics to A Day in the Life, I'm not worried about her.

This is why I think kids going to school is a great thing. Mine went to school 5 days a week 8-1pm from age 2 even though I was a sahm. They had a great structure and routine, socialised with kids their age, learnt SO much that I could never do at home and most of all they were stimulated so well. None of this farting around with mum doing random things.

Our afternoons were spent being out, picking up older dc from school and then home for some playtime and very little screen time. In the entire day, I was very happy for them to have the little amount while I had a cup of tea because they did all the right things before that.

Honestly just get your child into a school for even part of the day. It’s very, very hard to fill up a day with a toddler.

I think comparing today’s reality to parenting previous generations isn’t as straightforward as some posters suggest. The only screen time kids could access before was TV, which is definitely much better than other types of screens. But that was the go-to for the tired/time-poor parent, that was as “bad” as it got. Now it’s endless with tablets and phones and social media, and the age at which kids access those continues to drop. Why - because it’s easier for parents. And I think if your philosophy as a parent is “I don’t want to judge myself for letting my toddler watch 3hs of TV daily / during mealtimes etc”, that’s exactly what’s leading to pre-schoolers getting their own tablets, 7 year olds on Tik Tok etc etc. We’ve already seen what THAT does to developing minds and how screwed up mental health is with kids/teens/young adults today. It’s a slippery slope.

My two both watched too much TV and had no internet restrictions (didn’t have a tablet or phone under 10 though). They are adults now, both very high achievers, top grades, 1st class degree, in graduate jobs in the city. It had little impact.

It depends what she's watching. I grew up on the likes of Postman Pat and Come Outside, and it never did me any harm. Soothing telly that made my baby brain think about how the world around me worked.

These days, most kids tv isn't like that. It's frenetic CGI slop that bombards them with bright colours and constant noise to keep them distracted. It's shredding their attention spans and I would absolutely worry if my kid was spending hours a day in front of it. It's as bad as too much sugar. Their nervous systems end up completely fried

Hello, I came to say we are in the same boat. My daughter is 2 and she watches too much TV as well. I often put TV on for her if she wakes up really early so I can sleep in for an hour, oopsie. I try to then not have TV until after her nap but if I'm honest sometimes I'm feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and we have a TV morning as well, and then we watch it in the afternoon as well.

I think something missing in this debate is that most people send their kids off to nursery all day, only needing to fill an hour in the evenings which is easy. When you're home with them all the time it's a lot of time to fill and as you say they don't stick on one activity for very long. The reality is by having her home with you she's already by default getting more one-on-one interaction than a toddler at nursery.

Some things that help me are trying to space it out during the day with small activities. So, TV for twenty mins, then colouring for twenty mins. I try to keep art and craft activities close to hand so I can easily switch them in and out. I also take her upstairs and let her run around playing with her toys and reading her books for a change of scene while I have a sit down - this usually lasts half an hour. I do a toy rotation which sort of helps but tbh she still is bored of all her toys and I can't have a constant supply.

The only days we have low TV time are when we're out all day, which at the moment is hard with the weather. One thing I am strict about is we only watch low stimulation TV like Peppa Pig or Hey Duggee. There's only so much of that they will actually watch before getting bored and wandering off. I have also started setting her up with some water and bubbles in the sink while I'm cooking and getting her to help with laundry and unloading the dishwasher.

Stick in there and don't feel too bad. I think sending your toddler to nursery for 10 hours a day is more damaging than TV. My daughter is 2 and talking in full sentences and is completely behaviourally balanced so it can't be that bad. Just stay away from Cocomelon and iPads.

I’m not ignoring that bit, I’m focusing on the bit that OP is worried about (“I do feel guilty about it and worry a lot I’m impeding her development.”) - and she should be.

There is nothing wrong with nursery. Good ones are not a poor substitute for a SAHM. What children need is high quality responsive care, and OP is not giving that to her toddler for significant time each day. She will enjoy her DD more and her DD will do better if OP accepts that she isn’t giving her DD what she needs and changes things up.

I don’t want to join in the pile on, but I do think you could definitely reduce the TV time significantly, maybe only having it after school.

Could you involve her more in things around the house, Montessori style? At that age my DD loved helping me chop fruit and veg with a child-friendly knife, & she would help me do chores around the house, eg I would give her a cloth and some warm water and she loved “washing the windows” or mopping the floor or cleaning the table etc. First thing in the morning you could bake muffins for breakfast or get her to help you hang laundry while listening to some music. At that age we also read a ton of books and poems, and I would get toys to act out the stories we’d been reading. We did a lot of playing with animals!

I would always have a pile of books at the table too, so I could read to her at mealtimes.

For “quiet time” activities:

• a daytime bath with plastic animals or bath crayons (or “washing” toys in a warm pan of soapy water)
• playdough play (you can pick up pinecones and conkers and give them eyes etc) and nice music on in the background
• cozying up on the sofa with a pile of books and blankets, maybe switching on some fairy lights
• making little puppet stories with some simple toys and props
• making obstacle courses with sofa cushions and pillows to climb over

I’m sure you can think of lots more! Good luck.

I am new to this and I have no idea why anyone would ask the sanctimonious superior, uncharitable, unsympathetic and downright nasty contributors to this forum for advice. Quite frankly it would make you suicidal. OP IGNORE at this time of year most children are watching this amount of TV but still playing doing, activities and are happy healthy and well adjusted and will grow to be happy health and well adjusted adults. The mothers on here do not reflect society generally and a lot of the answers are an exercise in bragging about what great mothers they are compared to everyone else.

HRTWH but have read OP
I think you're doing a grand job that seems to work for you all. I used the TV as downtime every day for both of mine and when babysitting GC - they've turned out articulate and responsive, they concentrated well at school and got good careers. Give yourself a break now it's dark and miserable outside, once the weather's better you can rethink the days. 👏💐

And yet loads of children are raised watching way more TV than the OP describes and they don't have any developmental issues whatsoever - so I really don't think she has anything to worry about.

Six hours of TV spread across 14 waking hours is not the massive problem MN is making it out to be.

6 hours of tv every day for a 2 year old is way in excess of the recommended amount of less than one hour - as advised by the NHS to the World Health Organisation.

Honestly, my reaction to that is "Oh well...anyway".

Because these organisations rarely live in reality.