Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For feeling a little envious of my neighbour?

175 replies

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 14:09

Okay, so I guess I already know that I am, but I can't help how I feel.

So, I am 53, both DD's grown up and left home, no grandchildren yet. Its just me, DH and my dogs at home.

My lovely neighbour over the road got married last year, they are a lovely couple in their early 30's. This year they had their first baby. I went over to meet the baby when I saw her out walking with him in the pushchair several weeks after she had had him. She was glowing and gushing about how much she loved motherhood and how it had surprised her how well she had adapted to being a mum. I could totally resonate with her as I had felt the exact same way when I had my first.

She is still on maternity leave and I see her out and about, having a wonderful life with her baby. Going on walks, having her Mum pop round, attending mum and baby groups (we live in a small village so we see each other often out and about) She looks so so happy and it makes me feel warm inside for her.

She came back from being out at another mum and baby session this morning and our paths crossed as I was coming back from walking my dog. We spoke for a while. When I came back inside she was outside still getting her baby in from the car, glowing and smiling and I was watching her and smiling and then I suddenly felt all envious. Looking at her was like looking at myself all those years ago and I suddenly was engulfed with memories of my own children being babies, being toddlers, and those lovely cuddly fuzzy days of motherhood.

It seems like such a long time ago that I was in the throes of those days when my babies were small and family life was wonderful and part of me would give anything to go back and do it all again. Especially at this time of year.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have a great DH, two amazing DD's who I am close to who have lovely lives of their own and two beautiful dogs that I adore. I love my life, I really do. But I really, really sometimes miss being a mum to young ones.

Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
Canonlythinkofthisone · 03/12/2025 18:14

CoralOP · 03/12/2025 14:39

I honestly don't know any mother who is often in the fuzzy bubble of loving motherhood. What I remember is that is was HARD work!
Lack of sleep, losing yourself, hating your husband, losing your body, utter exhaustion, guilt, etc etc.
Then there's the rare moments you sit and breath and look at your child with awe when they finally go to sleep for their nap.
You either had a very easy baby or you have some very rose tinted glasses on.
She may well have a lovely conversation outside her car but I would put money on the fact that she's been in tears many a time trying to cope.

This x 1000
I have a 3.5yo DC
I am obviously able to remember the sleepless nights. The COLIC. The crying in frustration, having not showered or even cleaned my teeth some days. Wandering the supermarket at yellow label time looking for a bargain for tea because maternity pay was pathetic.
I do not have fond memories of the times. I adore my child and I look at them every now and again and remind myself to slow down. But it was certainly not a bubble of happiness. My neighbours would have seen me going out for walks and baby groups ALL the time... For my own sanity though nota romanticised idea of motherhood 🤣🤣🤣

Tarteaucitronmerinquee · 03/12/2025 18:16

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 17:48

I think you are right. I do think its maybe more a nostalgia and happy memories thing that envy. I guess I just see that she is at the start of what was a fabulous journey for me and I felt a pang of 'something'.

I do have a wonderful happy life now, as mentioned in my original post, so I do know that each stage brings its own happiness. I am perfectly fulfilled! 🙂Who knows, maybe when I am old I will look back on now and feel the same way about this stage of my life? Makes you think.

Show quote history

It’s just nostalgia OP . Yes you will probably look back at your life now in a few years time and feel nostalgic too!
A bit like photos (but different ) I look at myself on photos that I hated when I was young or even just a few years ago and think actually I looked fine. I wish I could go back to my 25 year old self and tell her she definitely wasn’t fat 😂

W0tnow · 03/12/2025 18:17

Oh I’d give a lot to go back in time, just for a week. I’d even give birth again!

Anotherdayanotherpound · 03/12/2025 18:19

I’m sorry you’re feeling sad, OP, but it’s reminding me to enjoy all the lovely bits and there are plenty (2 primary school children) despite some challenges. I need a bit of a mindset shift and your posts are a nice reminder

Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:19

Shambles123 · 03/12/2025 18:14

I think you can love it but also never want to own a toddler again and find comedy in that.

I actually think the fact that you feel being a mum has been the only thing you have been good at might be quite revealing. Maybe other posters feel they have been good/good enough mums and excellent at other stuff.

Edited

Yes, totally.

I think I have been a good Mum but maybe it was just because it felt so natural and normal to me and it surprised me that I was actually good at it without really having to work at it. The first time in my life I felt that way.

You make it sound like I have nothing else in my life other than being a mum and having kids. I have done, and been good at, heaps of other stuff.

My family and friends would tell me all the other things they think I am good at but for me the mum thing is what stands out for me.

OP posts:
kerstina · 03/12/2025 18:21

You would make a lovely foster parent ? I would do that myself but DH not on board so I won’t.

Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:24

kerstina · 03/12/2025 18:21

You would make a lovely foster parent ? I would do that myself but DH not on board so I won’t.

I honestly would love to do this but my DH is not on board either. My friend does this though so I get to go round there and cuddle the babies 😍

I would love to work in childcare again but I live in Wales and don't speak the language so getting a job here working with children has been impossible for me. I have yet to find one that will entertain taking on a none welsh speaker.

OP posts:
lifeonmars100 · 03/12/2025 18:32

My memories are the opposite, struggling with trauma after the delivery, body not healing, husband cheating on me, baby who seemed never to sleep, breastfeeding a painful nightmare, then husband pissing off with work colleague because I was "boring" and while I was still learning to be a mum I then had to learn to be a single mum. Yes the love was like nothing I had ever felt before and I am so glad I became a mum, but the baby days were very far from being in a warm fuzzy bubble.

BillieWiper · 03/12/2025 18:34

Set up as a childminder to babies? Or cross your fingers for grandkids.

I think you just miss those times, rather than having any kind of jealousy or resentment towards the neighbour.

Winterwonderwhy · 03/12/2025 18:41

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 03/12/2025 14:44

I agree with @CoralOP (sorry to say). I think very few women find it lovely and glow-y and a big happy bubble in the moment. But of course you feel how you feel and that's fine.

The early years were the most miserable and depressing years. I hated it truly. This woman must be one in a million because every single mother I know found it hard, draining and exhausting- no time to feel warm and fuzzy. You both must have had easy sleepers, children who ate anything or slept anywhere.

StickyToffeePavlovas · 03/12/2025 18:41

I love the young years and I know that I will feel the same as you when mine are grown up! I've always loved babies and young children though and would babysit for anyone any chance I could get as a teenager!

kerstina · 03/12/2025 18:43

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:24

I honestly would love to do this but my DH is not on board either. My friend does this though so I get to go round there and cuddle the babies 😍

I would love to work in childcare again but I live in Wales and don't speak the language so getting a job here working with children has been impossible for me. I have yet to find one that will entertain taking on a none welsh speaker.

Show quote history

That’s a shame about the language. I am aiming to move to Pembrokeshire next year and I was also hoping I might return to pre school work to be able to try and join in the community. I guess I should start learning then ! What a waste of your experience and passion.

BeNoisyFish · 03/12/2025 18:44

I hated that stage so can't relate! I remember feeling jealous of childfree couples going away every weekend though...even with a babysitter it's just not the same. It will never be the same even with adult kids.

Tarteaucitronmerinquee · 03/12/2025 18:44

Winterwonderwhy · 03/12/2025 18:41

The early years were the most miserable and depressing years. I hated it truly. This woman must be one in a million because every single mother I know found it hard, draining and exhausting- no time to feel warm and fuzzy. You both must have had easy sleepers, children who ate anything or slept anywhere.

Show quote history

Yeah but when you look back on it years later you mainly remember the good bits ( and rhere are loads) and wince and laugh at the sleepless nights etc. Or in my case anyway. Still I wouldn’t want to be doing it again now . Happy to look after grandkids and happy to hand them back to their parents too!!!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/12/2025 18:45

Life is always changing, different stages, whatever you do, don't start pressuring your DC to become parents.

Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:51

kerstina · 03/12/2025 18:43

That’s a shame about the language. I am aiming to move to Pembrokeshire next year and I was also hoping I might return to pre school work to be able to try and join in the community. I guess I should start learning then ! What a waste of your experience and passion.

Show quote history

Its not the same everywhere in Wales so you may find its more lenient where you are. We are in the throws of deepest darkest mid wales and its VERY welsh here (which we love by the way) Just its not the easiest to get jobs in schools or childcare settings as they want staff to be bilingual. I did make a bold attempt to learn the language but I found it bloody hard. 😅

We are hoping to move soon, to somewhere which is not quite as welsh and they may well be more open to hiring me. One can hope!

OP posts:
Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:52

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/12/2025 18:45

Life is always changing, different stages, whatever you do, don't start pressuring your DC to become parents.

God absolutely not. That is the last thing I would do. They have their own lives which may, or may not, include children. Either way is fine with me and they know that.

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 03/12/2025 18:53

I had really difficult babies, but I still understand what you are saying. Quite normal to feel that way, I think. I am your age and miss the 5- 11 year old stage. That time when they adore you!

Lot of miseries on here.

Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:56

Winterwonderwhy · 03/12/2025 18:41

The early years were the most miserable and depressing years. I hated it truly. This woman must be one in a million because every single mother I know found it hard, draining and exhausting- no time to feel warm and fuzzy. You both must have had easy sleepers, children who ate anything or slept anywhere.

Show quote history

I am sorry you had that experience. But myself, and plenty others who have posted on this thread had different experiences to you so definitely not the one in a million you quote.

I did have easy sleepers, children who ate well and slept well (and anywhere) so yes, I guess my experience of motherhood was very different to yours.

OP posts:
Original poster
ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:57

BillieWiper · 03/12/2025 18:34

Set up as a childminder to babies? Or cross your fingers for grandkids.

I think you just miss those times, rather than having any kind of jealousy or resentment towards the neighbour.

Oh I definitely don't resent her. I really like her and its definitely more a nostalgia thing more than anything.

OP posts:
Redpeach · 03/12/2025 18:59

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 18:24

I honestly would love to do this but my DH is not on board either. My friend does this though so I get to go round there and cuddle the babies 😍

I would love to work in childcare again but I live in Wales and don't speak the language so getting a job here working with children has been impossible for me. I have yet to find one that will entertain taking on a none welsh speaker.

Show quote history

What a crazy waste

badkitty · 03/12/2025 19:01

I have PTSD about the baby years (genuinely as DS1 was born severely disabled due to birth trauma) and whenever I look at young mums I think thank god that is not me. Sounds like you have a lovely life now so I can’t understand what is to be jealous about.

Tryingatleast · 03/12/2025 19:03

Op am 46, we’ve had a tough two years and I have a number of friends who have young children/ just got married while mine are teens. I e we oils guess you’re remembering life before all the crap stated getting piled on, the health issues (back and knees are gone, I have heart issues now and perimenopause is fun!!), people you know get sick/ dying etc. back then it was about keeping yourself happy and well and you had much less worries. People can say she probably has her own issues, and everyone does, but as you get older more gets piled on

Holluschickie · 03/12/2025 19:08

OP is not jealous. She is wistful and nostalgic. It is allowed!

justasking111 · 03/12/2025 19:18

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 03/12/2025 14:58

I get that not everyone had it easy and some would find motherhood harder and I guess much of that is dependent on your baby and your support system.

Maybe I was lucky in that both my girls were pretty easy babies and although I had my moments of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed I still loved the whole thing. Having a newborn and those first few weeks of DH and I at home together are really fond memories.

I had the same experience my first baby slept through at six weeks, the second three months. But I was 23 and 26 had lots of energy. No car so we walked everywhere. I didn't go back to work for six years so wasn't stretched thin

It's so different these days with both parents being older and working full time. I know couples who have opted for no children because of this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread