For feeling a little envious of my neighbour?

[ErlingHaalandsManBun]

Okay, so I guess I already know that I am, but I can't help how I feel.

So, I am 53, both DD's grown up and left home, no grandchildren yet. Its just me, DH and my dogs at home.

My lovely neighbour over the road got married last year, they are a lovely couple in their early 30's. This year they had their first baby. I went over to meet the baby when I saw her out walking with him in the pushchair several weeks after she had had him. She was glowing and gushing about how much she loved motherhood and how it had surprised her how well she had adapted to being a mum. I could totally resonate with her as I had felt the exact same way when I had my first.

She is still on maternity leave and I see her out and about, having a wonderful life with her baby. Going on walks, having her Mum pop round, attending mum and baby groups (we live in a small village so we see each other often out and about) She looks so so happy and it makes me feel warm inside for her.

She came back from being out at another mum and baby session this morning and our paths crossed as I was coming back from walking my dog. We spoke for a while. When I came back inside she was outside still getting her baby in from the car, glowing and smiling and I was watching her and smiling and then I suddenly felt all envious. Looking at her was like looking at myself all those years ago and I suddenly was engulfed with memories of my own children being babies, being toddlers, and those lovely cuddly fuzzy days of motherhood.

It seems like such a long time ago that I was in the throes of those days when my babies were small and family life was wonderful and part of me would give anything to go back and do it all again. Especially at this time of year.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have a great DH, two amazing DD's who I am close to who have lovely lives of their own and two beautiful dogs that I adore. I love my life, I really do. But I really, really sometimes miss being a mum to young ones.

Anyone else feel the same?

From someone who is firmly in "the throes of those days when..babies were small and family life was wonderful..." I can categorically say YABU 🤣

Totally relate . Think the days when my parents were alive and my DS was little will always be the happiest of my life.

Your neighbour has an infant. Her first. Shes still on mat leave. She's barely scratched the surface of "motherhood". You are looking back with nostalgia .

I think it’s more nostalgia than envy. I loved bringing my kids up but wouldn’t want to start it all again now either. Yes I suppose Îd like to sometimes go back to that time for a while and hug my babies/ little kids on our photos but also because of the family members that we have lost over the years ,but I look at young people with their children or just looking happy,and having fun and I feel genuine joy for them not really envy. Each stage of life can be full of happiness maybe you just to find a new activity that you’re passionate about?

Also apply this to the age your DC are now, I’m loving the young adult phase.

Op I don't think your out of order, it was just like you looking back on your old life, and missing it, that OK, and glad you don't have to look back amd with you enjoyed it more.
No harm done.

I do think this is why so many mil are so weird tho.......

Isn’t it amazing how quickly we forget the awful times! The glasses tint more rose as each year goes on. We can convince ourself of how wonderful some of the worst times of our lives were, so we surely can forget how difficult our babies and toddlers were?
Thankfully with my second, the difficult baby, I have videos to remember how difficult times really were because my head tells me how wonderful it all was and how nice it would be to have another…. Although being close in age to you OP that will never happen.
It’s ok to yearn but don’t assume she’s basking in glorious motherhood because your hormones are telling you, as your reproductive system goes into panic, that it was like floating on a cloud. Maybe it was, cloud Cuckoo ?

I think you are right. I do think its maybe more a nostalgia and happy memories thing that envy. I guess I just see that she is at the start of what was a fabulous journey for me and I felt a pang of 'something'.

I do have a wonderful happy life now, as mentioned in my original post, so I do know that each stage brings its own happiness. I am perfectly fulfilled! 🙂Who knows, maybe when I am old I will look back on now and feel the same way about this stage of my life? Makes you think.

Absolutely, OP, they were the happiest years of my life. I felt like I had the opposite of PND - post natal joy!

I hated the school holidays ending, I grudgingly allowed them to spend weekends with grandparents because that was fun for them, but I utterly loved being a mum to such gorgeous, funny, interesting wee people. We did so much together. It was the best period in my life (so far).

I love spending time with my adult kids now, but I do miss the early years sometimes. (Except the nappies and the 6 weeks of colic with my first.)

I think that's totally normal.

I remember going to watch a friends daughter perform in a concert at her girls grammar school a couple of years ago.
I looked at all these teenage girls, about 13-18yo, and all just absolutely brimming with life and potential, and I found myself feeling a little bit envious. They were just starting out in their adult journey, with so many options and choices in front of them.
I was about 35 at the time, and felt weirdly over the hill!

I think you'll be a wonderful hands on grandma, and you'll thoroughly enjoying rolling your sleeves up and helping out.

Do you still work with children now? Or have you moved to another job?

Mine are only teenagers but when an old video pops up from them being small I wish I could go back and do it all again too. I even said this last night. I do enjoy the freedom I have now but I loved my girls being small, I had 3 under 3 and I really didn't find it that hard. Mu oldest woke up at 5 every day but that was the worst of it. It was absolute joy for me.

I haven't forgotten the awful times though. I openly said that we had some times that were hard, money was tight on occasion and it wasn't always easy, especially when I went back to work.

But honestly, on the whole, my babies and toddlers were not that hard. If you don't want to believe that then that is fine. You don't have to. I know what it was like, I was there! And yes, I also have plenty of video evidence of 'the good, the bad and the ugly' and none of was that bad or ugly.

Believe what you like. I will stay here on my cloud 😊

This is 100% going to be me, and my DC are only teens 😂

I think I'll also remember how hard it was, and that there's a time and a place. But those were good days, with the benefit of hindsight. These are good days too, but there's nothing like the feel of a baby you can hold in one hand, sleeping on your shoulder 😭

I was like this too. I actually would feel sad when the school holidays were over and the kids went back to school. I just never get it when I see parents who can't wait for them to go back. Its the total opposite of how I used to feel.

I love spending time with my adult kids now too. Each stage has been and continues to be amazing. It's funny on MN how people are so keen to bring you down because they had a different experience. 🙄

And some other grandparents don’t even get to see their grandchildren, because they have an extremely difficult DiL. Life is not always how you imagine it might be!
We took some birthday presents to their house for DGS - she couldn’t even be bothered to come downstairs to say hello to us. And never a word of a thank you for anything.
I completely understand how King Charles might feel about his difficult DiL.

Yes. It’s gone in the blink of an eye! I miss the arms around my neck.

Great to be positive!! But I wouldn't miss the sore boobs, painful csection wound,sleepless nights other than that my babies were cute!

My best friend feels a similar way to you.

I find the older my children get (they are both now at uni) the more I like being a mother.

I found it simultaneously bone crushingly boring and stressful when they were babies, toddlerdom like living on a knife-edge, primary school a big old juggle with work and then came 11+, exam stress and lockdown etc. Throw in a life threatening illness or two and quite frankly I’d not go back if you paid me all the money in the world.

I adore the young adults they have become and spending time with them now is an utter joy and privilege.

Absolutely OP, I'm with you. I was lucky and was able to be at home with my DC until secondary school and I can honestly say, I miss that time so badly. They were good, one easier than the other, & one had terrible twos that went on for years, but still, I just loved being with them and always hated the end of the school holidays. I often wish I could just rewind and relive it. They are now independent young adults and no longer live at home, and I miss those days so much.

I remember being surprised how much fun parenting was.

We had a fantastic time - we had celebrations for everything! We had a Last Night Of Childhood party the night before eldest turned 18 with party games from when they were little. It was a magical time, despite the challenges along the way.

Yes!! This, one newborn has some very blissful moments (and time for slowly getting out of cars and kissing heads). A 5 year old, a 3 year old and a newborn getting out of a car.... well...

It seems so hard for some of you to believe that I loved motherhood so much and that my babies and toddlers were (mostly) easy.

I DID/DO love everything about being a Mom, but its not to say I didn't sometimes have difficult days, sleepless nights, puke on my top or have no time to wash my hair at times. I did. I had days when I cried with tiredness and days when my kids were poorly and it was difficult, but it comes with the territory of being a Mum and I still loved it all the same. Yes, even on those harder days.

I am not 'forgetting' what it was like, or living in cloud cuckoo land as someone nicely (not) put it. I honestly loved every second of raising my family, sleepless nights, hard days and all. That is MY experience of being a mum. You don't have to try and bring me down if your experience was not the same as mine.

I think you can love it but also never want to own a toddler again and find comedy in that.

I actually think the fact that you feel being a mum has been the only thing you have been good at might be quite revealing. Maybe other posters feel they have been good/good enough mums and excellent at other stuff.

I love this. I miss the arms around the neck, the snuggles, the holding your hand to cross the road. Being the best person in the world to them. Now they both have boyfriends and I don't get a look in anymore 😂