For feeling a little envious of my neighbour?

[ErlingHaalandsManBun]

Okay, so I guess I already know that I am, but I can't help how I feel.

So, I am 53, both DD's grown up and left home, no grandchildren yet. Its just me, DH and my dogs at home.

My lovely neighbour over the road got married last year, they are a lovely couple in their early 30's. This year they had their first baby. I went over to meet the baby when I saw her out walking with him in the pushchair several weeks after she had had him. She was glowing and gushing about how much she loved motherhood and how it had surprised her how well she had adapted to being a mum. I could totally resonate with her as I had felt the exact same way when I had my first.

She is still on maternity leave and I see her out and about, having a wonderful life with her baby. Going on walks, having her Mum pop round, attending mum and baby groups (we live in a small village so we see each other often out and about) She looks so so happy and it makes me feel warm inside for her.

She came back from being out at another mum and baby session this morning and our paths crossed as I was coming back from walking my dog. We spoke for a while. When I came back inside she was outside still getting her baby in from the car, glowing and smiling and I was watching her and smiling and then I suddenly felt all envious. Looking at her was like looking at myself all those years ago and I suddenly was engulfed with memories of my own children being babies, being toddlers, and those lovely cuddly fuzzy days of motherhood.

It seems like such a long time ago that I was in the throes of those days when my babies were small and family life was wonderful and part of me would give anything to go back and do it all again. Especially at this time of year.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have a great DH, two amazing DD's who I am close to who have lovely lives of their own and two beautiful dogs that I adore. I love my life, I really do. But I really, really sometimes miss being a mum to young ones.

Anyone else feel the same?

This is nice to read and is broadly my experience of motherhood too, and I am more in your neighbour’s position so not looking back with nostalgia!

I think there has (rightly) been a correction of people talking about the struggles of new motherhood, and awareness raising of that, that it makes people feel reluctant to discuss when they’re having a good experience to avoid offence.

Why don't you go and work in a nursery again if you enjoyed that before @ErlingHaalandsManBun ? A friend of mine does, in her 50s, she finds it full on but loves it.

Exactly and nobody knows what's round the corner for anyone.
Pointless post. We can't be other people and nobody stays young forever.

I'm not envious of those starting out with babies. At 60 my kids are obviously grown. While I liked being a mum it was bloody hard work. The baby stage was really easy for me. I wouldn't be looking forward to the toddler years and also the primary school years. The children were great, it was just relentless!
I loved the teenage (ish)_ years between 11 and 18 best.

I was the same as you and her. I absolutely adored my little children (still do of course)

I don't think you're unreasonable, you're seeing and remembering a time and a feeling that you really treasured. That's normal.

I don't know if it's envy though or just a little sadness that that time has gone and can't come back.

Be kind to yourself.

I actually love seeing families who adore their kids and I also feel the pang of sadness (that I think you've labelled envy) but truly they bring me such joy to see, even if that time has passed for me now.

It really was the best time of my life.

How wonderful that you had such a great experience, a real blessing.
The years fly and the ones where they are small seem very short and go by quickly.
I can barely remember them.
This time of year makes many of us nostalgic for when they were small.

Yanbu, but i would enjoy the time before you’re potentially a grandparent then you get to enjoy it all over again helping support your dc with dgc.

"Wistful nostalgia" is a nice phrase for this, as suggested by a pp. Yanbu at all. But. You had your time with your babies, and it was lovely, but the thing about babies is they grow up. It's in the contract when you have them, right there in the terms and conditions, that every day that passes, relished or not, is a day that's gone. None of us get to stand still. Not your neighbour, not your children, nor you OP. You are still growing, using all the lovely memories, all the aspects, thoughts and experiences that you have stacked up to build yourself with, and you will continue to do so, as you you move through the world.

I’m 46 and often feel like this. My youngest is 12 and sometimes I would give anything to be able to do it all again. I’m often envious of new baby news. Can’t wait for grandchildren!

I remember my friend saying to me that she wanted my life.

Little did she know I was getting the shit kicked out of me at home.

Not everything that glitters is gold op.

Come and live with me, Op! Please 🙏

The reality may be very different for your neighbour behind closed doors. How would you know?

And anyway, every dog has its day. But I can understand your nostalgia. Live in the moment and appreciate and enjoy what you have. Soon your neighbour may envy YOU, not having to wrestle a toddler tantrumming or whatever. It's not all roses!

@ErlingHaalandsManBun how about volunteering with Home Start if they have one near you? Sounds like it might be a good fit for you.

There’s a young family living next door to me. I wish mine were that age again. I see him on his scooter going to school, running up the road at home time and hiding behind my hedge to jump out and ‘scare’ his mum. Laughing and playing. The best years of my life were when mine were little. No job I’ve ever had has come close.
All grown up now and blessed with seven dgc I’m so lucky.

I miss those times so much. We were so hard up (mortgage rate 16%) and every month was a financial juggle but looking back they were very happy times.

Now we are in our sixties. We are financially secure. I am retired and have a wonderful life style with good health, travel, theatre, meals out, fancy gyms and beauty treatments. I'd give it all up in a second to go back to the days of second hand clothes and toys and being the world to 3 little people.

All our adult DC are doing well -they are fit and well, in good jobs and loving relationships. Our first GC is due soon. I'm very happy for them but I miss being the centre of their worlds.

YANBU, there are good aspects to all different stages of life. I currently have a 3yo and a 4 month old. I definitely didn't take to it as well as you or your neighbour but for the most part I love it. However it is really hard. When I'm struggling with exhaustion or total lack or autonomy I imagine myself older looking back on these days to remind myself to cherish them.

But I'm missing things like just being able to sit down in the peace and quiet with a cup of coffee and read a book. Get up in the morning and fully get myself ready without attending to everyone else first. Just autonomy really. So maybe do something you couldn't do when you had young ones, sit down with a cuppa, and look back at some pictures

You're not alone. They were the best years of my life. Hilarious at times. x

Divorce your husband, start dating someone new and try for another baby, only sensible think to do.

In all serious though, is normally to feel like that, just look at it as the journey she is on, you have finished and you have done it well.

Once the grandchildren start rolling in you will be fine.

Lots of pissing on chips on this thread

oh come on, no need to shit on the OP's neighbour (and presumably you mean her husband is a twat) i'm sure they are all a perfectly normal and lovely family, dont see why have to assume worst.

No.
I adored my kids from the minute they arrived- had fantastic times when they were growing up.
One has truly flown the nest-the other is back after Uni and still lives at home whilst working/finding her feet.
I love the different relationships we have now. Do I feel a bit emotional/misty eyed about the passing of time?
Of course.
But now we have adult relationships, and me and my husband (their dad) have time and money to do stuff just for us.

Oh bless you. With any luck she might ask you to be her trusted nearby babysitter when she is ready.

That was beautifully written, OP and made me smile and feel all warm!

My sons are now 21 and 19 now so I am at a similar life stage.

I actually had new neighbours move in over the summer who have littles ones and it's lovely! They have been round a few times and my sons taught them a few ball games in our garden in summer.

My dad always said that he missed me being 8 years old but when he became a grandfather he said that was even better because he didn't have the direct worry and responsibility.

Enjoy your Christmas and here's to the future. 🍾

I feel like I am that mum right now, so lucky and loving life 🥰 I absolutely understand looking back and wishing you could do it again. But remember she's also having to to the toilet with one hand, friends might be slipping away, she'll lose her mum friends as they go back to work, she'll have tough times when the baby won't settle. Then they'll get a bit older and stalk non stop and do her head in sometimes 😂

YANBU OP, I get a little broody when I see young babies, I think it’s very normal. Just got to hope for some grandchildren