Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

1000 replies

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 06:32

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:46

Sunita1234 · 03/12/2025 12:34

OP, it's not about you, it's about fakers who fake for the sake of benefits.
I just read that in the UK 17% of 16 year olds are supposedly disabled. 17%! I couldn't believe it. No wonder the country is going bankrupt. Something is going seriously wrong somewhere, probably with the diagnostic criteria or the way the diagnosis is made (via zoom, phone, etc.) Lots of people have also learnt how to lie on the forms (easily via social platforms or even specialised firms who sell such information) and it's not like a doctor will come to your house and check how you're coping and whether you're not faking it.

Having a disability doesn't mean someone is entitled to disability benefits
My oldest son developed diabetes at 16 hes insulin dependent, its rightly classed as a disability, but he isn't eligible for disability benefits.

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:46

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:43

our dirty smelly children's lives have no value.

Boys.

It only applies to boys remember.

Robin2025 · 03/12/2025 12:46

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:44

I've followed this thread closely and have absolutely no recollection of reading that.

I read them, and they were disgusting.

SleeplessInWherever · 03/12/2025 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I have to say, we’ve decided not to have any more children, but the tax payer’s views on the subject didn’t come into our decision making.

I’m not holding a referendum on my family planning.

JustSawJohnny · 03/12/2025 12:47

Absolutely and it's clear why.

The right-wing media train are big into finding excuses for the state of the Nation (while avoiding the glaring issues with billionaires and big businesses avoiding paying UK taxes, obviously) and after immigrants and 'benefit scroungers' the next in line seems to be the disabled.

They go on like everyone who has PIP is lying and autism doesn't exist.

Absolute twunts.

Zero nuance, pure focus on those who 'play the system', which according to them is pretty much everyone, and a general feeling of hatred and cuntery all round.

SleeplessInWherever · 03/12/2025 12:47

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:46

Boys.

It only applies to boys remember.

Yes.

My son is dirty and violent, and has no value. But Metaphorical Millie who sits next to him at school - she can stay.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 03/12/2025 12:48

OneBookTooMany · 03/12/2025 12:34

I have noticed on these types of threads that posters come along and describe their own disabilities, many of which sound terrible and end by sarcastically asking posters to reflect on whether they are deserving enough.

Only an idiot would answer no to some of the cases described.

However, there are people who claim disability benefits in one way or another and who don't seem to need them-we all know that they exist-to say otherwise is perverse and doesn't help.

So, I would like to ask, for example, those wheelchair bound claimants and those with children who will never be able to live independently this:

Are you not a bit worried that more and more of those who know how to play the system will end up depleting funds and that there will be less and less for you?

I would be. Because accepting ever wider definitions of those who are eligible for disability benefits will mean that one day, the pot will run dry and you are the ones who are going to pay the price because all those with anxiety will find a job and you will be left on your collective arse with no option.

I think those of us who call bullshit on some definitions of disabled are your champions.

We want more for you and we want it to continue and can see the danger of the fact that more hands in the pot-many attached to those who have no business near it-are going to ensure that you will suffer when the country is on Skid Row.

You need to start calling shame on this, for your own sake.

This hit the nail on the head for me. Thank you!

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:48

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:44

I've followed this thread closely and have absolutely no recollection of reading that.

Well you didn't follow it close enough ,becsuse that was what was written.

bodyofproof · 03/12/2025 12:48

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:46

Having a disability doesn't mean someone is entitled to disability benefits
My oldest son developed diabetes at 16 hes insulin dependent, its rightly classed as a disability, but he isn't eligible for disability benefits.

Definitely
i have a few conditions and am disabled but fall in between not unwell enough for PIP but my disabilities affect my work
it’s hard when it means I have more time off work and then worry about all the sickness etc but if we want disabled people to be able to work, there needs to be understanding and adjustments

80smonster · 03/12/2025 12:49

ForWittyTealOP · 03/12/2025 12:36

You talk as though disabled lives have no value.

No what I’m saying is if my firstborn had complex needs, I would be focusing on those, not knowing how profound they are is all the more reason to watch and wait. It’s not decrying neurodivergent children, I am suggesting that this be one’s top priority. Otherwise one is surely choosing more responsibility? Without knowing what is required and if you are capable financially or otherwise?

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 12:49

JustSawJohnny · 03/12/2025 12:47

Absolutely and it's clear why.

The right-wing media train are big into finding excuses for the state of the Nation (while avoiding the glaring issues with billionaires and big businesses avoiding paying UK taxes, obviously) and after immigrants and 'benefit scroungers' the next in line seems to be the disabled.

They go on like everyone who has PIP is lying and autism doesn't exist.

Absolute twunts.

Zero nuance, pure focus on those who 'play the system', which according to them is pretty much everyone, and a general feeling of hatred and cuntery all round.

Pot calling the kettle black.

Robin2025 · 03/12/2025 12:49

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:43

our dirty smelly children's lives have no value.

I'm so sorry you and other parents had to read those awful comments. I used to work with children who were classed as having profound and multiple learning disabilities, and I loved my job and the amazing children and families that I got to know. 💐

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:50

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:46

Boys.

It only applies to boys remember.

Thats true only boys are profoundly disabled apparently and are dirty and smelly, im sure my child's special school would have something to say if i sent him in dirty and smelly.

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:52

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:46

Boys.

It only applies to boys remember.

of course, silly me.

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:52

80smonster · 03/12/2025 12:49

No what I’m saying is if my firstborn had complex needs, I would be focusing on those, not knowing how profound they are is all the more reason to watch and wait. It’s not decrying neurodivergent children, I am suggesting that this be one’s top priority. Otherwise one is surely choosing more responsibility? Without knowing what is required and if you are capable financially or otherwise?

Its always easy to be the perfect parent of a profoundly disabled child
When you are not actually a parent of a profoundly disabled child.

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:53

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:44

I've followed this thread closely and have absolutely no recollection of reading that.

I've got the whole damn thing copied and pasted into a word document if you want me to paste the comments here I will.

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 12:53

Boys often came out of our mainstream primary school very dirty, and probably quite smelly, after playing football on the muddy field at lunch time. They generally left home clean though…

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:53

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:48

Well you didn't follow it close enough ,becsuse that was what was written.

Verbatim? Or are we relying on your inferences here?

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:54

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:53

I've got the whole damn thing copied and pasted into a word document if you want me to paste the comments here I will.

Please do. I'll look carefully for mention of 'dirty smelly children'.

safetyfreak · 03/12/2025 12:55

Frankly, the welfare system is far too generous.

What annoys me when people criticise the welfare state, the media posts pictures of clearly disabled people and states their benefits are at risk. No, it's not about you, its about the people who are gaming the system (not that I blame them, it's the system).

My daughter is on the waiting list for autism. but she is high-functioning. I am considering applying for DLA, because, well, why not? she is not hard work at all, but everyone else is doing it.

OP, you make a great point that you are saving the state money and you are however, a lot of people are claiming for children who aren't as high needs.

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:55

x2boys · 03/12/2025 12:52

Its always easy to be the perfect parent of a profoundly disabled child
When you are not actually a parent of a profoundly disabled child.

Yep.

There's nothing like someone without a profoundly disabled child telling you what they would do.

Reminds me of the other recent thread when someone without a disabled child was helpfully advising me about moving to a smaller house in a cheaper area so I wouldn't need UC.

LadyKenya · 03/12/2025 12:55

Pricelessadvice · 03/12/2025 12:43

If this is true, it’s exactly what is wrong with the system.

Really? It would be interesting to hear the Brother, and the Sil side of things. I would bet that their reality is very different to the picture that poster paints.

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message removed for repeating a deleted post

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 12:56

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:53

Verbatim? Or are we relying on your inferences here?

Are the multiple people telling you that it was definitely there all making it up then?

SleeplessInWherever · 03/12/2025 12:56

MissyMooPoo2 · 03/12/2025 12:54

Please do. I'll look carefully for mention of 'dirty smelly children'.

I wouldn’t. Those comments genuinely did get made.

It may be hard to believe, but someone actually is that disgusting.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.