To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

You do make interesting points @kornwall and I concede much of what you've said.

You are a hero and an angel! I genuinely don't know how you do it..

Unfortunately this is a side effect of austerity and the economic impoverishment of the country. People turn mean and nasty anxiety spiteful and resent those worse off than themselves.

It's only going to get worse, a little worse when Reform are in power in a couple of years' time.

I regularly donate value range stuff to the foodbank, as that is what I eat myself. Are you seriously judging people who donate from their own pockets to help others? Incredibly rude and ungrateful

I wasn't sure whether to post as it can sometimes be misinterpreted on a thread like this, so thank you for your thoughtful response. It is very interesting how much of what we consider 'right' or 'moral' is so bound up in the time and society that we live in. Even something that seems as fundamental a human value as sanctity of life actually has lots of carve outs that have been developed by different groups at different times. The whole concept of a civilised society is such a moveable feast in reality.

That doesn’t seem to be the case for all claims. My friend put her GP contact details down but they were never contacted. She got PIP based purely on her form and an interview.

I suppose it depends on your location and maybe the number of claims and how stretched they are.

There have, and always will be a few who bend or exploit boundaries in rules, whether that's making the most of the benefits system or making the most of the greyer areas of personal taxation.

The difference today, in my opinion, is that there's is no effective opposition to populist opinions. Small boats, immigrants, people with large families, pensioners and those on benefit are all targeted and exaggerated by the Murdoch press, Reform, The current breed of Conservatives and more. Those in the media and politics who ought to be batting back with a different view or rigorous challenges seem to be largely accepting the propaganda and inflated arguments, and playing in the side lines.

I'm recently disappointed by the Conservatives following Boris and other self obsessed types, those who believe in Farage, BBC news and, most of all, this government for not speaking up for their party's values.

Look at some old news footage, perhaps Robin Day, Bryan Walden, Paxton and others. Listen to old recordings of Kinnock, Foot and Major and more recent ones of Heseltine. The quality of debate is in a different place. The populous has forgotten and too frequently follow consensus obediently. It is depressing.

THIS!! Happy for the genuinely vulnerable in society to have support.

But where is it coming from? The country is on its knees. I pay enough in tax already and now it looks like I'll be paying more. I myself will struggle, but cannot get help. I don't know what the answer is.

My brother and SIL have 6 autistic/ ADHD children. They all go to mainstream school, do normal school activities and clubs. SIL doesn't work and DB works part time. My niece does not just one, but FIVE different out of school activities, one of them is horse riding. Nephews all do their own activities too. They have 2 cars, have just bought a new house, and last year they went to Disney world for 6 weeks. Not just a couple of weeks. SIX WEEKS. I can't see why people like this need the amount they get in benefits. They can do normal things. They don't need all the support that you describe in terms of profound disability. Their behaviour is near normal - they had some speech difficulties when younger but that's about it. I think it's those that take the piss that ruin it for the people that do really need it.

I don't begrudge them holidays and out of school activities, or even parents having a break or spending money on themselves - everyone needs that. But me and DH work full time in good jobs, we can only afford one activity per child and only have one car. I don't understand how this works - and I know for a fact they get a substantial amount in benefits. It's not that I'm presuming.

Agreed. And introducing foul language and aggression, having asked for other people's opinions, is unnecessary.

I have noticed on these types of threads that posters come along and describe their own disabilities, many of which sound terrible and end by sarcastically asking posters to reflect on whether they are deserving enough.

Only an idiot would answer no to some of the cases described.

However, there are people who claim disability benefits in one way or another and who don't seem to need them-we all know that they exist-to say otherwise is perverse and doesn't help.

So, I would like to ask, for example, those wheelchair bound claimants and those with children who will never be able to live independently this:

Are you not a bit worried that more and more of those who know how to play the system will end up depleting funds and that there will be less and less for you?

I would be. Because accepting ever wider definitions of those who are eligible for disability benefits will mean that one day, the pot will run dry and you are the ones who are going to pay the price because all those with anxiety will find a job and you will be left on your collective arse with no option.

I think those of us who call bullshit on some definitions of disabled are your champions.

We want more for you and we want it to continue and can see the danger of the fact that more hands in the pot-many attached to those who have no business near it-are going to ensure that you will suffer when the country is on Skid Row.

You need to start calling shame on this, for your own sake.

Admittedly, my experience is with DLA and not PIP as my son is too young for PIP yet.

I was also advised by the social worker who helps parents with DLA forms daily that they dismiss evidence from GP's because it isn't specialist enough.

OP, it's not about you, it's about fakers who fake for the sake of benefits.
I just read that in the UK 17% of 16 year olds are supposedly disabled. 17%! I couldn't believe it. No wonder the country is going bankrupt. Something is going seriously wrong somewhere, probably with the diagnostic criteria or the way the diagnosis is made (via zoom, phone, etc.) Lots of people have also learnt how to lie on the forms (easily via social platforms or even specialised firms who sell such information) and it's not like a doctor will come to your house and check how you're coping and whether you're not faking it.

You forget PDD-NOs also included under ASD in ICD-11. And the criteria differ too.

ICD 10 had a ‘triad of impairments’:
”A type of pervasive developmental disorder that is defined by: (a) the presence of abnormal or impaired development that is manifest before the age of three years, and (b) the characteristic type of abnormal functioning in all the three areas of psychopathology: reciprocal social interaction, communication, and restricted, stereotyped, repetitive behaviour. In addition to these specific diagnostic features, a range of other nonspecific problems are common, such as phobias, sleeping and eating disturbances, temper tantrums, and (self-directed) aggression.”

ICD 11 a dyad:
”Autism spectrum disorder is characterised by persistent deficits in the ability to initiate and to sustain reciprocal social interaction and social communication, and by a range of restricted, repetitive, and inflexible patterns of behaviour, interests or activities that are clearly atypical or excessive for the individual’s age and sociocultural context. The onset of the disorder occurs during the developmental period, typically in early childhood, but symptoms may not become fully manifest until later, when social demands exceed limited capacities. Deficits are sufficiently severe to cause impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning and are usually a pervasive feature of the individual’s functioning observable in all settings, although they may vary according to social, educational, or other context. Individuals along the spectrum exhibit a full range of intellectual functioning and language abilities.”

You talk as though disabled lives have no value.

That is not what they meant and you know it. It IS prudent to stop at one child in some circumstances.

Asking for people's opinions doesn't mean her disabled children are a free for all. Of course she is going to react to such awful comments.

Me too. It sort of makes me feel too poor to donate. If I’m buying value 41p penne to feed my own dc then I’m not buying a fancier version to give away. I do think the cheap meat / fish can be a bit questionable. I wouldn’t buy value tuna for me or donate it, however there’s lots of stuff which is fine to me and that I buy regularly. Peanut butter, honey, spaghetti, tinned lentils/ beans/ tomatoes, noodles type stuff.

People turn mean and nasty anxiety spiteful and resent those worse off than themselves.

Quite the contrary, I think people resent those they perceive as better off than themselves.

What 'awful comments'?

The now deleted ones.

our dirty smelly children's lives have no value.

I think the same thing is happening in with other groups too.

A small section of people, claiming to be part of a group so they can take advantage of some perceived 'benefits', taking the piss and reducing the tolerance of the general population.

Some of the groups this has already happened in are immigrants and LGBTQ+.

If this is true, it’s exactly what is wrong with the system.

I've followed this thread closely and have absolutely no recollection of reading that.