To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

12 month milestones:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people/articles/zv44p9q#ztyy7v4
Did your baby hit all of these? My friend’s little ones didn’t. Diagnostics are a very separate issue, but there are often many signs and missed milestones.
Doctors recommend a minimum 18 month gap between pregnancies in any event; assuming my baby was missing milestones, I would not be considering another pregnancy.

bonkers, isn't it?
All these benefit cheats going down the pub and announcing the details of their fraud to a room full of strangers and acquaintances.

If I was going to commit a crime, rule number one would be keep my fucking mouth shut.

That would also be rule number 2

And 3

Lord Falconer admitted people could by killed for being poor in evidence for the ‘assisted dying’ bill.

I feel terrible that I wish I’d aborted my youngest. Or known my child was going to be disabled and aborted him. I waited until he was school age to have my last and thought we had planned to manage but then his needs ramped up and ripped our life apart. None of my kids get enough from me. But as much as I feel aborting would have been a partial solution I feel terrible guilt over feeling this. And such anger towards those who express the opinions I should have aborted or not had my youngest I know and love the child being referred to this way and why should he not have a right to life just because his brother is so very high need

Do you really think that dumb members of the public should be the policemen of who should and shouldn't be receiving benefits and take it upon themselves to dole out abuse online and in person?

As that's what the OP's post is about. Are you condoning abuse?

There are lots of messages like this on this thread already, and yet some are still refusing to believe that it's possible to claim fraudulently. I am angry at people claiming from the state when they don't need to. Those with need should start getting angry too - it's the lazy and makers who are providing the fuel for this issue.

I think that’s the downside of living in a capitalist society. At the core things are very transactional, so playing devil’s advocate, people might be thinking of all the resources spent on one family and what is the payback to society - and in tough times financially for a lot of people, spending so much of the public purse on a group of people who cannot themselves contribute to wider society is probably what is causing the rise in hostility you mention OP. Also people probably wonder why if you have one profoundly disabled child (unless you had twins) why have another when statistically they may a high chance of the same issues. I am not saying I agree with these views by the way, but musing on why there seems to be an upturn in hostility towards disabled people.

I think most people don’t begrudge families in your situation, with profoundly disabled children and whose lives are significantly impacted by it. Most people begrudge the families whose children might have a diagnosis but in reality are not disabled and who could continue with a ‘normal’ life and work to earn for themselves, like my family. There are absolutely far too many people who are taking advantage of the system and making excuses for it

Because of medical advances of course. Which will also eventually be able to treat or eliminate some conditions at a genetic level.

What do you suggest as an alternative? Eugenics?

I hope you don’t mind me commenting (I’m child free).

When I was on here a few years ago debating on whether I should have a child, lots and lots of people told me I shouldn’t even consider having a child (and that I was pretty disgusting for even considering it) if I wasn’t prepared to care for a profoundly disabled/autistic person.

I was ableist and how dare I even mention the fact a situation like yours scared me. You can never win with some people. You’re damned if you consider the risk, you’re damned if you didn’t and need help after the fact.

How often have you told someone presenting with what they claim is anxiety or depression with a competent verbal report that matches this diagnosis, that they are making it up?

If it helps, OP @WarySwan you can also change what you see online. I never see any of what you describe online as my friends and family are not like that and in fact my cousin has a severely disabled daughter so any such views would be given short shrift.

I don't go on TikTok or X. In terms of what you see on Google, if it shows you things like that you can tell it you aren't interested. Change your algorithms.

Ok so what about people who have no choice but to use their pip to cover daily living expenses and bills?

The thing in though, its REALLY hard to get PIP. You have to fill out a 40 page document and have evidence for everything. It's the only benefit which consistency has a 0% fraud rate. So that belief in itself it's so frustrating and wholly misinformed.

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/news/zero-percent-fraud-rate-for-pip,-dwp-figures-show

Yep.

The reason my son is alive is due to medical advances.

Not too long ago in the past, he wouldn't have survived. Several times over.

So the anger should be even greater towards the fakers and piss takers who've created this situation. Those genuinely in need should take a moment to appreciate that when the system has been abused, as it clearly has, then people will rightly be upset.

The fact that they believe it has a zero fraud is itself a red flag. Why one earth would such a valuable benefit not be subject to fraud, if it were not because they don’t look for it?

Because eith the correct support, they are happy? Some of the genuinely most happy people uou will ever meet, over joyed by the fall of water, the sight of snow, music. Peppa pig!

JUST BECAUSE it isnt what makes me happy personally doesn't mean those things dont bring value and happiness to them

PLUS, a civilised society and all eh

If they are genuinely disabled then fine. If not then they need to cut their cloth like everyone else on benefits.

People have talked about institutions as a bad thing. Is this as a concept, or based on how they were run in the past? As someone autistic, I would honestly like the option to spend my life in an institution. It's something I think about as a mental escape when things get on top of me. I can manage what looks like a "normal" life to an outsider, but they don't see how much it takes and what doesn't get done in order to facilitate what I can do. Those of us who can work (I work and support myself) could work remotely/in the local area, and put our wages towards the institution to help support those who can't work or to pay for respite care for families/carers of people who live in the community. I just mess everything up when left to "live independently". As long as it was not an abusive environment - and there's no reason for it to be with modern understanding, rather than like a Victorian asylum - I cannot see why it would be so terrible for facilities like this to exist as an option.

This is misleading... if someone obtains a diagnosis through exaggeration or deception, then this should be considered fraudulent. I know the figure cannot be 0% because of the number of people I have met who have done exactly that.

I'm not a medical professional, so never.

But never have I or my children received any diagnoses for any of our disabilities based on us having a chat with a single medical professional and telling them some symptoms.

It took months and about half a dozen people and several assessments for each of my sons to get diagnosed with autism when they were toddlers. It took a year, a gp and a child psychologist for my younger son to be diagnosed with ADHD and medicated when he was starting senior school.

He then, as a young adult, had many sessions over several months with a psychiatrist before he was prescribed antipsycotics and diazapam and a care plan.

And I'm being told all these people walk into a room, sit down with someone, say I'm this, that or the other and that person says oh, right, well then, here's your diagnosis, off you go.

I have spent the past 25 years fighting and fighting and fighting for scraps for my children, going to tribunals, hiring lawyers and here we are where they face a future in a country with people who think they should be euthanised, as evidenced on this very thread. Forgive me if I'm more than a little cynical about the motivation behind all this talk about diagnoses and money being handed out willy nilly based on lies.

You are absolutely correct.
Many receive disability payments for children and don't use it as intended.
The figures people quote about disability fraud are so low because it is investigated so little not because there is little fraud.
There are those who claim for disabled children but the money received is not spent on the children.

Actually, if you read my reply I didn't day I didn't think he was autistic. I said the profound, complex nature of his needs weren't at all clear, no.

The biggest barrier to us as a family is the aggression and constant soiling and smearing. Not present at 4 like they were at 5 and 6, and onwards etc

You need this support, that much is clear. I don't think any reasonable, compassionate person would ever dream of begrudging you this.

However, and I know it's anecdotal, but I know a family with high rate disability for children with high-functioning autism and ADHD. They do not need it. They KNOW they don't need it - they are unashamedly self-aware. Boastful, even.

My brother is disabled. I helped him with his claim. I know how much effort goes into claiming, it's a horrible, drawn-out process and for this family to have qualified for the amount of support they receive they must have lied through their TEETH - they won't be alone, if they managed it I'm sure others have.

I hate that people are being targeted because of a few liars but I am in full support of tightening the restrictions for mobility vehicles.