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To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

1000 replies

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 06:32

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
AutisticAndMore · 03/12/2025 09:58

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 09:51

The fact that they believe it has a zero fraud is itself a red flag. Why one earth would such a valuable benefit not be subject to fraud, if it were not because they don’t look for it?

It is not 0%. They do not have the staffing, money or resources necessary to determine the real number. It would require a lot more surveillance than they currently employ.

Some countries like Sweden employ far more surveillance and other means to find fraudulent cases and their numbers are considerably higher. Even then they won’t catch everyone. Of course you’d have to compare what’s entailed in both applications but I do not buy that British people are just more law abiding than Swedish people.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 03/12/2025 09:59

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 09:56

Actually, if you read my reply I didn't day I didn't think he was autistic. I said the profound, complex nature of his needs weren't at all clear, no.

The biggest barrier to us as a family is the aggression and constant soiling and smearing. Not present at 4 like they were at 5 and 6, and onwards etc

OP, please don't feel that you need to justify why you had a second child to anyone, or what you knew when etc. It really isn't any of their business!

Perzival · 03/12/2025 09:59

@WarySwan i hope you don't mind me asking but how did you learn to trust PA's again after what happened to your son please?

My son was involved in a safeguarding incident with his PA's earlier this year (2:1 support like your son). We now have very little respite as we just can't trust a new set and are scared somethung similar or worse will happen. We're shattered and know he'll need carers/PA's in the future. I just can't get my head around it.

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 10:00

OlivePeer · 03/12/2025 09:53

People have talked about institutions as a bad thing. Is this as a concept, or based on how they were run in the past? As someone autistic, I would honestly like the option to spend my life in an institution. It's something I think about as a mental escape when things get on top of me. I can manage what looks like a "normal" life to an outsider, but they don't see how much it takes and what doesn't get done in order to facilitate what I can do. Those of us who can work (I work and support myself) could work remotely/in the local area, and put our wages towards the institution to help support those who can't work or to pay for respite care for families/carers of people who live in the community. I just mess everything up when left to "live independently". As long as it was not an abusive environment - and there's no reason for it to be with modern understanding, rather than like a Victorian asylum - I cannot see why it would be so terrible for facilities like this to exist as an option.

They wouldn't be cheap for a start, especially if they were good quality and as we've already established, people don't like spending state money on disabled people.

x2boys · 03/12/2025 10:01

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 09:33

There are loads of signs of autism in young babies. Including lack of smiling, lack eye contact, response to sounds, response to touch, lack of cooing or babbling, facial expressions, stimming… It is unlikely they would diagnose based on this because it may not be possible to rule out other developmental reasons at that stage.

Yes but nobody csn say that a baby of a few months old will.br profoundly autistic.

WarySwan · 03/12/2025 10:01

CheekyChickenFucker · 03/12/2025 09:11

It really demonstrates a complete lack of compassion and ignorance. They are still people, not objects. Notice how they don't really say what they are thinking should be done, just skirt around it. Go on, be brave CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone

👏

OP posts:
StartingFreshFor2026 · 03/12/2025 10:01

OlivePeer · 03/12/2025 09:53

People have talked about institutions as a bad thing. Is this as a concept, or based on how they were run in the past? As someone autistic, I would honestly like the option to spend my life in an institution. It's something I think about as a mental escape when things get on top of me. I can manage what looks like a "normal" life to an outsider, but they don't see how much it takes and what doesn't get done in order to facilitate what I can do. Those of us who can work (I work and support myself) could work remotely/in the local area, and put our wages towards the institution to help support those who can't work or to pay for respite care for families/carers of people who live in the community. I just mess everything up when left to "live independently". As long as it was not an abusive environment - and there's no reason for it to be with modern understanding, rather than like a Victorian asylum - I cannot see why it would be so terrible for facilities like this to exist as an option.

What you're describing isn't really an institution, it's more of a supported living set up.

The people for whom 'institutionalisation' is discussed are often severely intellectually disabled and therefore often wouldn't have the mental capacity to make decisions for themselves (like being free to leave, or to work). Would you really like to live in a place where you were not free to leave?

That and most institutions of this sort will forever have to be on guard against becoming abusive. Even modern institutions end up in abuse scandals - Winterbourne was not that long ago. There was a case only a couple of years ago where staff were rubbing chillies in disabled people's eyes. Institutions are closed off environments, often with low paid staff. Add a load of people with learning disabilities in there who might have challenging behaviours such as smearing faeces and might not be able to tell people if they're being mistreated and it's a recipe for awful things to happen.

LadyKenya · 03/12/2025 10:02

YourFairCyanReader · 03/12/2025 09:39

There are lots of messages like this on this thread already, and yet some are still refusing to believe that it's possible to claim fraudulently. I am angry at people claiming from the state when they don't need to. Those with need should start getting angry too - it's the lazy and makers who are providing the fuel for this issue.

I think that you would find that most disabled people, or those caring for disabled children etc, just do not have the energy to expend getting angry at randoms. They know where to look, and what is making their lives difficult, ie the system of claiming help, and repeated assessments by the DWP!

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 10:02

Naddd · 03/12/2025 09:56

You are absolutely correct.
Many receive disability payments for children and don't use it as intended.
The figures people quote about disability fraud are so low because it is investigated so little not because there is little fraud.
There are those who claim for disabled children but the money received is not spent on the children.

How do you know that many don't use it as intended?

80smonster · 03/12/2025 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Perzival · 03/12/2025 10:05

OlivePeer · 03/12/2025 09:53

People have talked about institutions as a bad thing. Is this as a concept, or based on how they were run in the past? As someone autistic, I would honestly like the option to spend my life in an institution. It's something I think about as a mental escape when things get on top of me. I can manage what looks like a "normal" life to an outsider, but they don't see how much it takes and what doesn't get done in order to facilitate what I can do. Those of us who can work (I work and support myself) could work remotely/in the local area, and put our wages towards the institution to help support those who can't work or to pay for respite care for families/carers of people who live in the community. I just mess everything up when left to "live independently". As long as it was not an abusive environment - and there's no reason for it to be with modern understanding, rather than like a Victorian asylum - I cannot see why it would be so terrible for facilities like this to exist as an option.

If you have a quick google at some of the stories around how people with LD/ autism are currently treated in ATU's or mental health units you'll see that it is not only inhumane and disgusting but that they get treated worse than convicts.

They haven't commited any crime yet get locked in rooms with mattresses on tje floor and fed through a hole in the door. Tje governments have continually missed targets to get them back in the community. The cost of community support to LA's is far more expensive than having them locked up on wards in tje nhs.

I'll find a couple of articles and post them in a min.

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 10:05

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2025 09:56

I'm not a medical professional, so never.

But never have I or my children received any diagnoses for any of our disabilities based on us having a chat with a single medical professional and telling them some symptoms.

It took months and about half a dozen people and several assessments for each of my sons to get diagnosed with autism when they were toddlers. It took a year, a gp and a child psychologist for my younger son to be diagnosed with ADHD and medicated when he was starting senior school.

He then, as a young adult, had many sessions over several months with a psychiatrist before he was prescribed antipsycotics and diazapam and a care plan.

And I'm being told all these people walk into a room, sit down with someone, say I'm this, that or the other and that person says oh, right, well then, here's your diagnosis, off you go.

I have spent the past 25 years fighting and fighting and fighting for scraps for my children, going to tribunals, hiring lawyers and here we are where they face a future in a country with people who think they should be euthanised, as evidenced on this very thread. Forgive me if I'm more than a little cynical about the motivation behind all this talk about diagnoses and money being handed out willy nilly based on lies.

I got signed off work for two months with anxiety on the basis of a seven minute GP appointment. My son was put on anti-depressants on the basis of a half hour online chat with a psychiatrist where he seemed perfectly happy but I was reporting otherwise.

popcornandpotatoes · 03/12/2025 10:05

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/12/2025 09:43

Because of medical advances of course. Which will also eventually be able to treat or eliminate some conditions at a genetic level.

What do you suggest as an alternative? Eugenics?

What is because of medical advances? I don't understand how your response relates to my question. We have more disabled people because of medical advances?

Paganpentacle · 03/12/2025 10:05

Pricelessadvice · 03/12/2025 07:19

My personal opinion (and I prepare to be shot down in flames for this) is that the term disability is now too wide.
I believe I have the right to say this as someone with several chronic health conditions- narcolepsy being one- and Asperger’s. I don’t consider myself disabled, despite the fact that my conditions are disabling to me.
Every body could claim they have a disability for something, couldn’t they? Bad back, old knee injury, fibromyalgia, migraines, asthma, ADHD…
We can’t keep going on like this.

Runs for cover!

Well.. they could SAY they have issues, but they would need to prove it.

Sick of people using ADHD and ASD as a 'get out' clause for absolutely anything. I've seen it on here... ''Oh, just tell them you're ASD.'' How about fuck off? Why pretend you have an issue that can absolutely destroy lives when you dont???

( I have both... the only person that know is my husband)

WildLeader · 03/12/2025 10:05

I’m so sorry @WarySwan

as others have said, this sounds so very hard for you and I feel for you. You’re doing the very best for them. You’re a great job.

x2boys · 03/12/2025 10:06

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 03/12/2025 09:41

I think most people don’t begrudge families in your situation, with profoundly disabled children and whose lives are significantly impacted by it. Most people begrudge the families whose children might have a diagnosis but in reality are not disabled and who could continue with a ‘normal’ life and work to earn for themselves, like my family. There are absolutely far too many people who are taking advantage of the system and making excuses for it

How many times?
It goes off NEED not DIAGNOSIS!

wagsale · 03/12/2025 10:07

Dgll · 03/12/2025 07:33

I don't think people's resentment is aimed at people like you, OP. It is that people are struggling financially themselves and then they start to question where their money is going. Because we have a very high number of disabled people in the UK compared to many other countries, people are sceptical about where the bar is being set.

I think most people are coming in for a lot of resentment at the moment: people with too many children, people without children, immigrants, people in big houses, people in social housing, old people, rich people, poor people.

When the economy is going better, there are plenty of jobs and redundancies aren't hanging over them, people feel nicer towards everyone else.

When people are struggling financially, and the distribution of wealth is skewed to towards the top, this is what you get. Groups become scapegoats.

These books are interesting, the authors are epidemiologists who researched the effects of inequality on society.

The Spirit Level: Why Equality is Better for Everyone
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-spirit-level/kate-pickett/richard-wilkinson/9780241954294

The Inner Level: How More Equal Societies Reduce Stress, Restore Sanity and Improve Everyone's Well-being
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-inner-level/richard-wilkinson/kate-pickett/9780141975399

Kirbert2 · 03/12/2025 10:08

popcornandpotatoes · 03/12/2025 10:05

What is because of medical advances? I don't understand how your response relates to my question. We have more disabled people because of medical advances?

Surely that is fairly obvious?

More premature babies are surviving and are surviving earlier and earlier
More people surviving illnesses
More people surviving accidents
Improved critical care

etc

More survive but sometimes are then disabled as a result.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 03/12/2025 10:08

I am in your position op, and am about to have my home adapted. I think the problem is partly due to autism labels disappearing to appease the 'you cant tell me how my autism effects me' crowd. There is a huge difference to someone who can communicate, work, post on social media, complete self care etc to a profoundly autistic individual who will need forever care. Sadly the loudest voices aren't pro diagnosis, they're pro attention seeker. As a parent of a severely disabled child, I cannot stand this society where everyone and their cat needs a label. And sadly, there is fraud. People can deny it all they like but I also see it in my work place and those who say dla forms requires tonnes of evidence etc isn't entirely true. It requires someone smart enough to know how to word things. There are even social media videos of what to write! That's why people are getting angry. Plus the press is doing a great job of getting people to turn on each other rather than look at all the tax dodgers.

Profound autism needs a diagnosis of its own or to bring levels back. I would not care less for my son to have an in person dla assessment because it would take all of 30 seconds for him to be approved. People are against this because of 'masking', but does masking really require maximum support?

I wish people realised for most sen parents our biggest worry isn't our child dying, as horrific as that would be. My fear is what happens to my child when I'm not here. I'd rather live through him dying before me and know he's safe from harm. Men die up to 24 years earlier than average with a learning disability... id rather help go there than to those who can advocate for themselves.

frozendaisy · 03/12/2025 10:10

With the rise of unregulated social media platforms, they can’t be held responsible for content they just provide a service etc, individuals are making a lot of money by feeding into people’s desire to blame others for their own situations and the rise and rise of the more right than a civilised society should go.

They want Reform and other similar parties into power.

Then there won’t be any benefits. Probably little healthcare. And certainly no compassion.

And more and more people are falling for it. We might have to vote Tory to stop Reform getting in next time, that’s not a choice. But here we are.

The mainstream media only need to find one or two real examples of a feckless single mother claiming thousands (apparently) with nice hair and nails and a car and that can be twisted into thousands of votes.

People are being manipulated into thinking no one is deserving of benefits. And what happens if they get in?

All AI is good at is generating fake content online. We should be more concerned about this brazen unregulated, unapologetic, immense political influence than if someone has a mobility car.

Some people are very against benefits because they are being manipulated into thinking this.

LadyKenya · 03/12/2025 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I had to read this post twice, to make sure that I was not seeing things. Why do you think that it is okay to say something like that. If the OP was in front of you, would you say the same thing? There is no point asking something as rude as this, her children are here.

GinaandGin · 03/12/2025 10:11

Perzival · 03/12/2025 10:05

If you have a quick google at some of the stories around how people with LD/ autism are currently treated in ATU's or mental health units you'll see that it is not only inhumane and disgusting but that they get treated worse than convicts.

They haven't commited any crime yet get locked in rooms with mattresses on tje floor and fed through a hole in the door. Tje governments have continually missed targets to get them back in the community. The cost of community support to LA's is far more expensive than having them locked up on wards in tje nhs.

I'll find a couple of articles and post them in a min.

This
The muckamore Abbey investigation has been going on for years because the abuse was so systemic

ACatNamedRobin · 03/12/2025 10:11

minuette1 · 03/12/2025 09:40

I think that’s the downside of living in a capitalist society. At the core things are very transactional, so playing devil’s advocate, people might be thinking of all the resources spent on one family and what is the payback to society - and in tough times financially for a lot of people, spending so much of the public purse on a group of people who cannot themselves contribute to wider society is probably what is causing the rise in hostility you mention OP. Also people probably wonder why if you have one profoundly disabled child (unless you had twins) why have another when statistically they may a high chance of the same issues. I am not saying I agree with these views by the way, but musing on why there seems to be an upturn in hostility towards disabled people.

@minuette1
This would also be the case in communist countries (having lived in one).
After all Lenin did say he who shall not work shall not eat.
E.g. There were not allowed to be long term unemployed in my country under communism.

Legobricksinatub · 03/12/2025 10:11

wagsale · 03/12/2025 10:07

When people are struggling financially, and the distribution of wealth is skewed to towards the top, this is what you get. Groups become scapegoats.

These books are interesting, the authors are epidemiologists who researched the effects of inequality on society.

The Spirit Level: Why Equality is Better for Everyone
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-spirit-level/kate-pickett/richard-wilkinson/9780241954294

The Inner Level: How More Equal Societies Reduce Stress, Restore Sanity and Improve Everyone's Well-being
https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-inner-level/richard-wilkinson/kate-pickett/9780141975399

One of those groups that become scapegoats is higher rate tax payers….

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