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AIBU?

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Original poster

Massive increase in cost for lessons, is this normal?

338 replies

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 02:18

As per title, one of my children has flute lessons. Heard last night from the teacher guy that the lesson will be going up from £32 to £40 in the new year, for the same amount of time.

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

I dont understand if things are going up by 3% (or whatever it is ), how are some things going up by SO much. Hubby says I should just pay it as the teacher might not have increased his rates for years, but we’ve only been doing the lessons since the summer and the percentage increase feels huge.

(The teacher is a guy my husband used to work with, not sure if this could be why he just wants me to shut up and pay, to save his embarrassment?!)

I already find it such a juggle to make sure everything is covered on such a low income, I am feeling sad that I now have this additional stress.

Is it me? Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
MintTwirl · 03/12/2025 11:53

I would look at alternative options for the lessons such as group lessons, or reducing duration or frequency of them and adding in extra practice.

Your financial set up doesn’t sound sustainable long term though, tbh many couples barely see each other, my own parents worked opposite shifts for years.

Hons123 · 03/12/2025 11:55

Cucy · 03/12/2025 10:52

Your DD cannot have these lessons.
You simply cannot afford it.

I actually think it’s shocking that you already spend £30 out of £85 of the budget on this.
How unfair on your other children.

Look on YouTube for free lessons.

I know it’s a shame if DD enjoys it but you have to be realistic. My DD would love horse riding lessons and musical instrument lessons etc but it’s just part of not being wealthy.

You are literally wasting on this and prioritising 1 child over the others which isn’t fair.

Spot on.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 03/12/2025 11:57

I know plenty of vicars - some are both vicars in a couple, others are married and 1 has a "normal" job. Lots have children... occasionally some have struggled a bit but not to the level you suggest

Yes they are technically "on call" all the time but the reality is they don't constantly have to rush off to deal with dying parishioners etc

Plus your "tiny flat" must be worth a bit for NO UC at all. And is the friend paying rent?

All of which is to say you need to relook at finances and you not being able to work if a fairly reasonable £8 increase is too much

BennyHenny · 03/12/2025 11:57

You are utterly bonkers to allocate a huge proportion of your budget to a music lesson, to the detriment of the health and wellbeing of the rest of your family. I can’t believe you’d think the money spent on a music lesson couldn’t be better spent on feeding your family and increasing the range and quality of the food you give them.

BountifulPantry · 03/12/2025 11:57

MintTwirl · 03/12/2025 11:53

I would look at alternative options for the lessons such as group lessons, or reducing duration or frequency of them and adding in extra practice.

Your financial set up doesn’t sound sustainable long term though, tbh many couples barely see each other, my own parents worked opposite shifts for years.

Yeah I’d call the teacher and explain the situation. Offer some alternatives like setting up a group lesson. See what he says.

The overall financial picture sounds really hard. Honestly you do need to get a job - even 6 hours a week on a Saturday would make a massive difference. Would it help with the “on call” situation if you worked a night shift per week or similar? Could you babysit local children?

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 03/12/2025 11:59

Plus there are plenty of WFH jobs still around. They would work well alongside your DH being "on call" because you would still see each other, if that's so urgent, and you would be present if there did happen to be one of those urgent "parishioner is dying" moments, assuming your children are old enough to just need an adult in the house and not need an adult to be constantly watching them (also if they are in school)

FalseSpring · 03/12/2025 12:00

I don't think £40 for a private lesson is that expensive, but I can see how difficult it is for you. Maybe there are alternative providers that would be cheaper (group activities or online lessons maybe?). The most obvious question is how much rent are you getting for the flat - could that be increased?

Shedeboodinia · 03/12/2025 12:04

We just stopped my sons drum lessons as they went up so much and be wasnt that bothered, never practiced and does not want to have a career in music or drumming. So as much as I think it is beneficial, it was just a big expense we could cut.

FairKoala · 03/12/2025 12:06

How much is the friend paying or are you paying for them to be there?

AttachmentFTW · 03/12/2025 12:06

Maybe it's because I'm not religious at all (much to my uber Catholic family's horror) but honestly your husband's "calling" sounds utterly selfish to me.

Yes he might be there for his flock in their time of need but it sounds like his family are having to make massive sacrifices to facilitate this.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 12:06

Guess teachers are feeling pressure too.

Could you negotiate a lesson very two weeks?

Figcherry · 03/12/2025 12:07

@WouldRatherBeOnaBeach why not tell the tutor that due to your circumstances you can't afford the increase and would he allow your dd to do 3 lessons a month instead of 4.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 12:07

Are they in high school? You can often get subsidised lessons esp if you talk to the school and explain about tight finances.

ChloeMorningstar · 03/12/2025 12:08

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

but he takes home 1997, so where is the rest going? You're not paying rent as thats included, you have a flat which you should be getting an income from, if not sell it

SecretNameAsImShy · 03/12/2025 12:08

What happens if your other children want music lessons, how are you going to afford it. I'm sorry OP but it sounds like you are going to have to ditch the lessons. I'm not sure you are treating all your children the same....

SecretNameAsImShy · 03/12/2025 12:10

ChloeMorningstar · 03/12/2025 12:08

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

but he takes home 1997, so where is the rest going? You're not paying rent as thats included, you have a flat which you should be getting an income from, if not sell it

The OP said the flat has a mortgage on it so I guess that's where some of the money goes and probably car plus they have bills to pay on their current home. £1997 is very small in this economy.

Hankunamatata · 03/12/2025 12:10

Another idea could be to join a music group if avaliable.

Our local music shop (that does private lessons) has orchestra style practise every saturday for kids that is very cheap. Helps back up esp those who cant afford weekly lessons

BeardofHagrid · 03/12/2025 12:13

That price is crazy. I used to get lessons with a teacher who visited our school, it was just a few pounds back then.

ttcat37 · 03/12/2025 12:13

Your husband is spectacularly selfish to give up a well paid job and force his family to live in poverty just for him to chase a new career. Your children are suffering the result of this decision. Somebody else could do his job just as well as him, but nobody else can be your children’s father. You as a family deserve better.

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:19

It’s not clear if the friend is paying rent. But if she’s not you need to rent the place out, otherwise you need to sell it

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2025 12:19

Where does the £2k per month go if you have no rent and only budget £350 plus CB on all kids stuff plus food?

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:23

arethereanyleftatall · 03/12/2025 12:19

Where does the £2k per month go if you have no rent and only budget £350 plus CB on all kids stuff plus food?

Presumably utilities, council tax, tv, car, insurance etc

1997 pm is about 460 a week.

Original poster
WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:23

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 03/12/2025 11:57

I know plenty of vicars - some are both vicars in a couple, others are married and 1 has a "normal" job. Lots have children... occasionally some have struggled a bit but not to the level you suggest

Yes they are technically "on call" all the time but the reality is they don't constantly have to rush off to deal with dying parishioners etc

Plus your "tiny flat" must be worth a bit for NO UC at all. And is the friend paying rent?

All of which is to say you need to relook at finances and you not being able to work if a fairly reasonable £8 increase is too much

If they are both vicars, they are both on the standard income, so have double the money…..plus one will be getting an extra chunk for not wanting the house they are entitled to…….PLUS the second income doesn’t have all the bills coming out of it!

I know a few people who have done this, not because they really wanted the job, but because they saw it as a good solution to the money issue.

I wouldn’t want to work for them, they aren’t a reasonable employer. (I know of more than one couple who were denied time off when they needed it for a still birth and to bury their baby). Not something I want to be involved with thanks.

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 03/12/2025 12:23

Glittertwins · 03/12/2025 05:03

I think we paid about £40/hour for private music lessons 2 years back.

Some very ordinary food staples seem to have gone up about 40% over the last year - cost of living increase?

Aluna · 03/12/2025 12:26

WouldRatherBeOnaBeach · 03/12/2025 12:23

If they are both vicars, they are both on the standard income, so have double the money…..plus one will be getting an extra chunk for not wanting the house they are entitled to…….PLUS the second income doesn’t have all the bills coming out of it!

I know a few people who have done this, not because they really wanted the job, but because they saw it as a good solution to the money issue.

I wouldn’t want to work for them, they aren’t a reasonable employer. (I know of more than one couple who were denied time off when they needed it for a still birth and to bury their baby). Not something I want to be involved with thanks.

Show quote history

Is your friend paying rent and how much is the studio flat worth?