Massive increase in cost for lessons, is this normal?

[WouldRatherBeOnaBeach]

As per title, one of my children has flute lessons. Heard last night from the teacher guy that the lesson will be going up from £32 to £40 in the new year, for the same amount of time.

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

I dont understand if things are going up by 3% (or whatever it is ), how are some things going up by SO much. Hubby says I should just pay it as the teacher might not have increased his rates for years, but we’ve only been doing the lessons since the summer and the percentage increase feels huge.

(The teacher is a guy my husband used to work with, not sure if this could be why he just wants me to shut up and pay, to save his embarrassment?!)

I already find it such a juggle to make sure everything is covered on such a low income, I am feeling sad that I now have this additional stress.

Is it me? Am I being unreasonable??

Is it me? Am I being unreasonable??

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

You are getting flute lessons from an expert & qualified musician. You are paying for the tutor's years of training and experience, and expertise.

The tutor has to pay for travel time & expenses to come to your home. They have to pay for their pension, their sick leave, their annual leave from the fees they charge.

You are getting a bargain.

And that's before I even think about the entitled whining about you being on a low income with a family of 5. Why have a third chid you can't afford? Why do you not plan to work? All the clergy families I know (I almost married into one) the spouses have jobs outside the home. And they pay for child care like everyone else.

Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

Stopped cold here I’m afraid. All your husband’s money is your money too.

Only a selection of kids get them free in South Lanarkshire as not enough funding. My kids did not get free lessons and only about 5 in a class of 30 got them through the school.

The hourly rate for a private music lesson recommended by the Musician's Union is £44/hour. It sounds like your flute teacher is bringing his hourly rate up towards this - perhaps he realised he was under charging previously. However I would question the need for a beginner to have an hour long lesson. The norm would be 30 mins per week. If he's charging £40 for 30 mins, I'd look around for another teacher!

My thoughts are with this budget even £32 on lessons is wasteful.

Not because the flute isnt a rewarding interest or music doesnt matter I am absolutely all for kids having hobbies and fostering a love of the arts.

Its not a waste to spend money on flute lessons per sa

But if you have 3 children and 2 parents and a budget of £85 per week for food, its wasteful and I would argue unfair on the other 2 children to use more than 1/3 of the food budget money on music lessons for one of the children.

Its sad, of course but you have to sometimes prioritise and flute lessons arent a necessity when theyre that high a % of a minimal weekly budget

One thing you could do to help is to make sure that the rent is definitely the market rate for the property. An increase of £40 a month to the rent is a tiny increase as far as rent goes, but would cover the increase in the flute lessons.

And look into any flexible jobs that you may be able to do working flexible hours from home.

But not an actual breakdown....

What are the outgoings? No rent... etc

While it’s lovely your husband has been able to follow his passion- it’s rather selfish . Maybe a chat about this?

No but it's pretty clear there is no spare money. Different dioceses seem to be giving different allowances which means they seem to be getting very little help.

Agree. If things are so tight, maybe your DH has to consider whether this vocation is right at this time of his life. It could be something he comes back to later. I couldn't feed a family on that.

Have you checked to see whether you and your family qualify for food bank services?

If this has already been mentioned in the thread, sorry to duplicate.

For a large family to spend all of their low joint disposable income down to the last penny, whether on music lessons, food or on other necessaries, is not a good idea. You need to be eat, to feel you are doing well by your kids if you can and to be able to save something. Maybe not this month, but soon.

I don’t think flute lessons were affordable in the first place, even less so now 😮 You can’t feed 5 people on £45 a week!! We spend around £150 a week for two adults (although we eat out about once a week on average). Your child is taking more than half of your food budget, this isn’t sustainable.

The thing that shocked me is that your DH gives you £ 85 a week to pay for music lessons AND feed 5 people! Are you magical? Is he mean? I can't imagine this is real. Bloody hell.

I don’t think it’s a big increase but considering everything’s gone up it’s possibly not affordable now.

I’m confused as to why your husband is giving you money, is he the only earner and gives you a set amount to buy the kids stuff each month?

Look for lessons somewhere else, the cost of lessons with this "old chum" seems steep. See what music schools are charging.

My BIL is a vicar. The diocese pay a proportion of these bills because his home is his workplace and he hosts marriage counselling and other groups and meetings there.

Gosh that's a massive sacrifice.. just 'never being able to work' just so H can be a vicar! Especially when he's not making enough to support you all. And what about your hopes, dreams, ambitions and needs to be out and away from the family for a bit? I think you have more to discuss than just the price of flute lessons but I do get that you probably think nothing like me whatsoever and why should you ..

She can work (though perhaps not at the moment), she has just been told by her DH that he needs to be always on call, which isn't true.

You know how Jesus fed the 5000… 😂

You need to RTFT there’s an explanation for your question

It always upsets me to see people criticise music tutors prices.
(Full disclosure my oldest son is a wonderful piano teacher)

• Music is a gift for life, you never forget the lessons you had
• A musician has trained their whole life since childhood to develop the skills and experience to play well, and impart their knowledge and love of music to others
• They are teaching your child on a focussed thoughtful 1-1 basis, and if exams are upcoming, with additional intense support
• Musicians generally earn a pittance overall - my son does too
• How much do you spend on say a nice-to-have item, in my case the occasional massage (£60), (haircut £40+)? Given the comparable prices they charge, do those people have the same level of training and skills as a music teacher?
• Add to that the general hassle of working with: parents little darling being special even tho the parent knows they have barely practiced, 'forgetting' to pay, arriving early and returning late to try to grab an extra 5-10 minutes teaching, cancelling at the last minute and then complaining about being charged, trying to push children into the next exam when they are simply not ready etc

I know times are tough for everyone. However, if the original maths you quote is correct on what you have available to spend, then tbh i would say you simply can't afford the lessons, rather than it being anything about the music teacher exploiting you.

OP says she has 1997 coming in, and out is £500/550 for fuel, and £85 a week for food (and flute lessons) * 4.2 for a rough monthish is £357 - which leaves around £1100 a month....

Where is that going?

Well, does he use the internet for work at home? Then PCC should pay for it.
Does he have meetings at home? He’s supposed to have a study to work at home. Again, contributions towards heating and lighting these should be made.

I know things have been really hard for clergy following changes to child tax credits, but I think you need to make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to. You might also be eligible for a grant from the Clergy Support Trust.

Yes. A lot (most?) clergy spouses work. It is less straightforward with small children, but so long as her salary exceeds childcare costs, it’s doable.

Partly to service debt.