Massive increase in cost for lessons, is this normal?

[WouldRatherBeOnaBeach]

As per title, one of my children has flute lessons. Heard last night from the teacher guy that the lesson will be going up from £32 to £40 in the new year, for the same amount of time.

Daughter loves the lessons, but our money is very tight. Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5.

I dont understand if things are going up by 3% (or whatever it is ), how are some things going up by SO much. Hubby says I should just pay it as the teacher might not have increased his rates for years, but we’ve only been doing the lessons since the summer and the percentage increase feels huge.

(The teacher is a guy my husband used to work with, not sure if this could be why he just wants me to shut up and pay, to save his embarrassment?!)

I already find it such a juggle to make sure everything is covered on such a low income, I am feeling sad that I now have this additional stress.

Is it me? Am I being unreasonable??

You are not being unreasonable, but your absolute melt of a husband is!

This is capitalism, the guy can charge whatever. Also, flute lessons are nice, but a luxury, very much like driving lessons, riding lessons, etc.

As a parent who pay for music lessons, I agree on all points.

Your DD cannot have these lessons.
You simply cannot afford it.

I actually think it’s shocking that you already spend £30 out of £85 of the budget on this.
How unfair on your other children.

Look on YouTube for free lessons.

I know it’s a shame if DD enjoys it but you have to be realistic. My DD would love horse riding lessons and musical instrument lessons etc but it’s just part of not being wealthy.

You are literally wasting on this and prioritising 1 child over the others which isn’t fair.

Sorry he gives you how much to feed a family of 5?

Do you all just eat baked beans?!

She has double that but chooses to waste half of it on lessons for 1 child.

OP says that money is very tight - this is normal for many households and less than £100 for groceries is very common.

What isn’t normal is then blowing half of the budget on 1 lesson for 1 child.

Its not abusive or unreasonable to have a set budget for groceries.
She is obviously not good with money but what we don’t know is why she phrased it as he gives it to her.

It depends where OPs money is going and if it’s given directly to him or if she’s not earning anything so it all has to come out of 1 wage.

I definitely think there’s a lot more to this story.

Well you can't afford it if your entire budget is £85. You need to gain access to your own money.

Or if your husband is loaded then he's financially abusing you, yet he wants YOU to pay extra for the flute lessons? Or does he mean HE will pay extra?

Hmm OP doesn't say anywhere the £40 is cost per lesson. She does say "for the same amount of time". This could be a flute lessons through school. My daughter's one did cost around £40 per month. The cost going from £32 to £40 is still a huge increase in price.

The casual dropping of bombshells like
"Husband gives me £85 for the week and I have to find this lesson money out of it as well as feed a household of 5"
and
"(The teacher is a guy my husband used to work with, not sure if this could be why he just wants me to shut up and pay, to save his embarrassment?!)"
make me think that half of MN is just people making mischief!

Because how can this be true:
Pre flute-lesson raise, OP apparently fed 2 adults and 3 children on £7.57 per day. That's £1.51 per person.
Post flute-lesson raise, that figure dropped to £6.42 per day, or £1.28 per person.
That's some serious calorie deficit. Perhaps the parents have become so light-headed, they've lost their grip on reality.

I would query the price as it is a big jump, so I would want to know the reasoning behind it. However, you cannot afford music lessons for your children if it only leaves you £45 a week for food! It’s madness.

If I'm broke I can feed 4 of us on 60 euro.

Thanks for the messages.

No, it’s not financial abuse. I get every penny after bills and fuel. Hubby is a vicar. I don’t earn as we have a newborn and also, because of his job, I wouldn’t be able to, as he can be called away anytime and has several village churches in his care. He is only allowed one day off per week, so if I worked that day when baby is older, I would never see him. For the same reason, he can’t get a part time job either, he is essentially permanently ‘on call’.

The money part is tricky as they aren’t technically employed, so he gets £1997 for the month but could work 50 plus hours per week, which I don’t think is minimum wage even?
However they would say that we get to use a house for free. (A draughty one we can’t afford to heat!). I read on MSE a few weeks ago that any housing provided for workers can only count as max £70 per week but they count it as more to maintain the ‘pay package’ is more.
I would of course much prefer for there to be the option of proper pay and sorting out our own housing, but vicars aren’t afforded that kind of decency sadly. Hubby had a well paid job before so this feels like an awful squeeze!
I worry about what happens when he stops as we haven’t been putting into our own home, but that’s another story.

I do get child benefit, but I tend to ringfence that separately and keep it for shoes and other needs like that for the children.

We have had to move around loads for husband to do his chosen job and as such, the music has been the only constant.

No, we aren’t entitled to any UC as we have a tiny one bed place mortgaged that we let a friend stay in currently, so apparently that makes us not entitled, despite the fact we couldn’t fit in there if we tried 🤣
I did the benefit calculator the other day and would be a lot better off leaving him to the draughty house and squeezing into our flat, but I think that would massively impact the children as they would never see him.

I actually don’t have an issue with the £10 per person for food for the week. We are veggie and I have always batch cooked. We eat really well and I’m shocked when I have read in the past on here how much people spend on food!
(We don’t buy snacks and sugary stuff, but the meals we eat are good and balanced).

I posted because I was in utter disbelief that things can go up by such a high percentage. Especially given that wages clearly won’t!
I do feel the kids pay enough for his life choices and so to stop the lesson would break my heart to be honest as she loves it so much.

Our daughters tutor went up from £40 to £50 per hour. piss take but he is really good

Just checking you have more than £16K equity in your rental flat.

I pay £15 for 30 minute lessons for DD, we are on the outskirts of London, is there someone at church or a neighbouring church that could help with music lessons at a reduced rate? Maybe DH could ask around, We have a few musicians at church who have given lessons over the years - mainly organ and piano, but they generally are happy to help out. Or maybe see if you could drop to half an hour every week or one hour every fortnight.

Well, you do you OP, and well done for conjuring up meals on pennies. The information in your original post, together with dodgy-sounding husband, was guaranteed to boil MNetters' blood.

Are you sure you're not Dorothea Brooke from Middlemarch??

Well if you can afford it (and I think you can’t, but you say you don’t have an issue with the reduced food budget) then you just have to decide whether the price increase is worth it to you.
We pay more than that per hour for my daughters’ music lessons so I don’t think the price he’s charging is unreasonable. It sounds like he’d kept the prices low for as long as he could but can no longer do so.

You say you have another property and you're "letting a friend stay there". Is the friend paying rent?

Why can't you sell the flat and give yourself a bit of breathing space?

If you can't afford the 8 quid, then you need to have a sit down with your husband and re think his chosen job.

I thought it chose them.

Discuss whether an increase to 35.00 would be sufficient.
Or reduce the time (if this is for an hour, make it 30 mins),
Or reduce lessons to once a fortnight.
Or if this is for an individual lesson, see if you can change it to a shared lesson (only works if you know someone of a similar ability who also wants lessons).
or cut back on food.

I'd ring around some flute teachers to see what the going rate is for your area. If it's in line then I'd keep him. But only if you can afford him. Your husband doesn't give you enough for the grocery shop! That's shockingly low.

I had a friend who was a vicars daughter at uni. Her stories of penny pinching at home were very hard to hear. I can see exactly why you want to keep the flute lessons. Cut down to a 30 minute lesson and add more practice time. Food sounds inadequate longer term (I have a much larger and hungrier family and know exactly how to eat cheap well), you will need more as they grow. Why is the flat not bringing in any income?

A local youth orchestra is your friend here OP.
Excellent tuition for a couple of pounds per week and they actually get to perform, take part in events and make friends.
Failing that , set up a Church music group?

IME, Formal music lessons and riding lessons are an absolute money pit. DD plays flute to grade 7, she has literally never even picked it up for 10 years. She's also not sat on a horse for about 6 years despite riding proficiently.
It cost thousands to get to that stage! In your circumstances I'd be trying to save for her driving lessons, not paying out for flute.

Alternatively, to earn a little more, have you thought about becoming a childminder?

The obvious solution is to simplify your life and sell the flat. If you are still on a low income after the sale you would qualify for low income benefits.