Page 7 | To quit my job and lose a ton of money/salary?

SparklyLimeHair · 2025-12-02T18:41:35+00:00

Last year I unexpectedly became a kinship foster cater to 3 of my neices/nephews. I don’t have a DH or partner, I’m single. I also work as a global head of department in a large global company. I’ve tried to keep on working full time (4 days a week) whilst also being a kinship foster carer but it’s just not sustainable because of the amount of meetings with social services and appointments for the children and the foster training. I feel like I’m going to have quit my job and just somehow survive on the money from fostering. I love my job and don’t want to quit but I don’t really feel like I have any other choice. Would I be unreasonable to quit my job and become a full time foster carer? I’d lose a ton of money/salary from my job though and we would just have to try and survive on the money from fostering somehow.

ScaredOfFlying · 03/12/2025 16:01

Also, they must have taken your working hours into account when deciding if the placement was feasible?

InSpainTheRain · 03/12/2025 16:23

Can you hire some help (cleaner/childcare/gardener) to enable you to continue in your role? Could you get your employer to approve working from home (if suitable for you). It seems a huge shame and potentially really difficult if you give up your role. Would you be able to have a nanny or use a nanny share? Good luck with whatever you decide. I can see that's a massive challenge.

Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:25

InSpainTheRain · 03/12/2025 16:23

Can you hire some help (cleaner/childcare/gardener) to enable you to continue in your role? Could you get your employer to approve working from home (if suitable for you). It seems a huge shame and potentially really difficult if you give up your role. Would you be able to have a nanny or use a nanny share? Good luck with whatever you decide. I can see that's a massive challenge.

I already do work from home except one day a fortnight when I have to go in to the office and a nanny isn’t an option unfortunately.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:29

Gfdeh · 03/12/2025 15:43

Have you created a paper trail of what you want to happen so that you can do both?
You need to email SS the minutes of your conversation today, what you want, what has been agreed, what needs to happen so you can have the child and work.
Do they want you to have the children, or would they prefer them in the system?

Lots of women work with children.
I think you are giving up to much sacrificing your career.
Its too much.

You may need a papertrail to help with your work situation.

Get on to ACAS to see what your rights are.
Go out sick for a few weeks whilst you get your head together.

Edited

I do have a paper trail of everything yes. I have also emailed the supervising social worker a summery of the conversation we had today too.

I’ll have a look at ACAS too I think.

I just don’t see how I can continue in this job whilst fostering though, it’s just not sustainable.

My employer also isn’t happy because I’m not managing to work all of my contracted hours (4 days a week) either (and I haven’t been able to work all of my contracted hours since I started kinship fostering last year) but I’m doing the best I can.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:31

I really do think I am going to end up having to quit my job though. I also need to find the time to work out if it’s possible to manage on just the fostering allowances.

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InfoSecInTheCity · 03/12/2025 16:33

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 15:21

So I’ve spoken to my supervising social worker and we have discussed it and I’ve also said that I will raise it in the other meeting that we have this Friday. I’m not sure if she listened to me properly and fully understood though (at times it felt like she was listening and understood and was supportive and at times it felt like she didn’t understand or listen properly and wasn’t supportive) because she did say again that “a lot of foster carers don’t work alongside fostering” but I will just have to see what they say in the meeting this Friday when I raise it again and keep on raising it with my supervising social worker and the children’s social worker too. I do still feel like I’m going to end up having to quit my job even though I don’t want to.

Edited

How clearly have you laid it out for them, as in:

” As a direct result of the way that you are scheduling appointments, the frequency and times, I will need to leave paid employment. This will mean I have only the Foster care payments to financially support a family of 4 people which will have a detrimental effect on the standard of living for me and the 3 children entrusted to my care. As a direct result of your actions, I will no longer be able to afford enrichment activities like clubs and holidays, will have a much smaller budget for food and clothing and will may need to downsize to a smaller, cheaper property in a less desirable area. Your actions will be the direct cause of potentially taking a financially stable household and making us financially vulnerable. This could be avoided by reducing the frequency of appointments and scheduling appts on the week day that I do not work.”

Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:33

TwoTuesday · 02/12/2025 22:06

How are you supposed to live yourself and support 3 kids without a job? If you can't combine the two roles then the kids will have to be looked after by someone else. It's an awful situation but how can anyone manage without a job? It's a totally unrealistic expectation of Social Services when you're without a partner to support you. You'll have no money, no pension and possibly no home either. A life ruined basically.

I don’t want the kids to be looked after by someone else.

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Gfdeh · 03/12/2025 16:38

Also when these children no longer need your care, how are you supposed to support yourself?
Giving up work will have a catastrophic affect on your pension.
The long term negative impact on how you financially care for yourself, not to mind these children is huge.
This has the potential to cost you hundred of thousands in pension contributions, additional to your loss of salary.
Unless you are independently wealthy or expecting an enormous inheritance, I can't understand how you will survive.

Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:40

hellotojason · 02/12/2025 19:06

I'm a children's social worker (now in senior management) - not a chance could I hold down a senior role and be a connected carer (or mainstream carer) especially for 3 children. I think it's incredible you've sustained it as long as you have. If you're long term matched visits /meetings may reduce but I imagine potentially you'll still have family time to manage and importantly the continued needs for nieces and nephews. Speak to your supervising social worker about an affordability assessment, how will they support you. They will want to keep the kids in your care and they won't want it to break down, use this to try and garner what you can from the LA. I can tell you I have seen connected carers and adoptive carers reach good financial agreements with the LA outside of the normal offer.

I spoke to my supervising social worker again today and asked her for an affordability assessment (thank you for that advice). I’ve had one before but now I’ve asked her for another. I’m not sure what the SW can do though because I already get the fostering allowances and if I quit my job then I’ll just get the fostering allowances and not the salary from my job as well.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:41

InfoSecInTheCity · 03/12/2025 16:33

How clearly have you laid it out for them, as in:

” As a direct result of the way that you are scheduling appointments, the frequency and times, I will need to leave paid employment. This will mean I have only the Foster care payments to financially support a family of 4 people which will have a detrimental effect on the standard of living for me and the 3 children entrusted to my care. As a direct result of your actions, I will no longer be able to afford enrichment activities like clubs and holidays, will have a much smaller budget for food and clothing and will may need to downsize to a smaller, cheaper property in a less desirable area. Your actions will be the direct cause of potentially taking a financially stable household and making us financially vulnerable. This could be avoided by reducing the frequency of appointments and scheduling appts on the week day that I do not work.”

Show quote history

I’ve tried to be clear/direct with them but not quite that direct to be fair, maybe I need to be more direct with them then possibly? But at the same time I think part of the problem is that it’s just not sustainable for me to keep this job whilst fostering them, and I don’t want to give up fostering so that would leave the only other option as quitting my job.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:44

Gfdeh · 03/12/2025 16:38

Also when these children no longer need your care, how are you supposed to support yourself?
Giving up work will have a catastrophic affect on your pension.
The long term negative impact on how you financially care for yourself, not to mind these children is huge.
This has the potential to cost you hundred of thousands in pension contributions, additional to your loss of salary.
Unless you are independently wealthy or expecting an enormous inheritance, I can't understand how you will survive.

I’m definitely not wealthy at all. If I quit my job then we (me and the children) would have to manage on the fostering allowances and then when the children are older I would have to go back in to employment at some point. I need to work out though if it’s possible to manage on the fostering allowances.

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InfoSecInTheCity · 03/12/2025 16:49

@SparklyLimeHairi think the time has come for a direct but remaining polite approach. Make sure there is a tangible action on SS to complete, so directly ask them “please confirm that is your decision that it is preferable for me to be unemployed and fully reliant on foster care payment rather than employed but unavailable to you Mon-Thurs?”

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/12/2025 16:59

The problem is that meetings need to happen within a legal framework and timescales, and will involve multiple professionals particularly given there are three children to consider. I can’t see how social workers could guarantee being able to have meetings on one day of the week only - it may be a non-working day for people who need to be there.

PuppyMonkey · 03/12/2025 17:02

OP, I think you missed my question about what the IRO has suggested at the LAC reviews. Your situation must have been discussed?

Also, have you any support network? When I was a foster carer, my sister and her DP had approval to be our support after they had DBS checks etc which meant they could babysit and also do school pick ups etc.

TwoTuesday · 03/12/2025 17:08

The OP shouldn't have to give up her job because of social workers' work patterns though. Perhaps she should say she can't look after the children any more because it is not compatible with her work pattern?
I feel they should be doing more to support her. As a single person she needs to have a job, there is no safety net.
Maybe the fosterers who don't work have a partner who works, independent wealth or access to higher levels of benefits?

SicknessMadness · 03/12/2025 18:13

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 16:41

I’ve tried to be clear/direct with them but not quite that direct to be fair, maybe I need to be more direct with them then possibly? But at the same time I think part of the problem is that it’s just not sustainable for me to keep this job whilst fostering them, and I don’t want to give up fostering so that would leave the only other option as quitting my job.

Edited

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This

It's very unlikely that Children Services have the resources to place the children elsewhere so it's time to be clear which meetings are essential for the kids / you and which suit the social workers schedule only.

SWs are very busy so will always fit around what works best for them unless you put your foot down.

JuliesName · 03/12/2025 18:24

The amount of times you've said 'I need to work out if I can manage on the fostering allowance' you could have just done it.

Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:00

JuliesName · 03/12/2025 18:24

The amount of times you've said 'I need to work out if I can manage on the fostering allowance' you could have just done it.

I’m going to work it out tomorrow.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:01

SicknessMadness · 03/12/2025 18:13

This

It's very unlikely that Children Services have the resources to place the children elsewhere so it's time to be clear which meetings are essential for the kids / you and which suit the social workers schedule only.

SWs are very busy so will always fit around what works best for them unless you put your foot down.

Show quote history

It’s not possible to always do the meetings on my day off from work though if that’s what you mean?

And then I also have the fostering training and I can’t pick and choose what days the training is either.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:03

TwoTuesday · 03/12/2025 17:08

The OP shouldn't have to give up her job because of social workers' work patterns though. Perhaps she should say she can't look after the children any more because it is not compatible with her work pattern?
I feel they should be doing more to support her. As a single person she needs to have a job, there is no safety net.
Maybe the fosterers who don't work have a partner who works, independent wealth or access to higher levels of benefits?

I do think I am going to end up having to quit my job. It’s just not possible to do both I don’t think and maybe I just need to accept that I can’t foster and keep my job and that’s it’s only one or the other, but if that’s the case then I’ll end up quitting my job and continuing to foster because I don’t want the children to go to someone else.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:04

InfoSecInTheCity · 03/12/2025 16:49

@SparklyLimeHairi think the time has come for a direct but remaining polite approach. Make sure there is a tangible action on SS to complete, so directly ask them “please confirm that is your decision that it is preferable for me to be unemployed and fully reliant on foster care payment rather than employed but unavailable to you Mon-Thurs?”

I’m not sure that’s ok for me to say to them and it risks coming across wrong too or not coming across in the way that I want it to mean? I don’t want the children to end up with someone else.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 03/12/2025 19:05

SicknessMadness · 03/12/2025 18:13

This

It's very unlikely that Children Services have the resources to place the children elsewhere so it's time to be clear which meetings are essential for the kids / you and which suit the social workers schedule only.

SWs are very busy so will always fit around what works best for them unless you put your foot down.

Show quote history

You know meetings for looked after children don’t just involve social workers. They need to schedule around IROs, education, health services, any advocacy services, third sector agencies, it’s not unusual to have 6-10 professionals around the table of which two may be social workers. Any carer restricted to one day a week for all meetings and appointments is going to really struggle. Foster carers get an allowance because their foster caring role impacts on their ability to work.

No, the OP shouldn’t need to stop working when she has so kindly taken these children in but the reality of caring for three children who all have additional needs (by virtue of being looked after) is that it’s almost impossible to continue with life as it was. No one I know with children who have complex needs is able to sustain full time work.

Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:07

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/12/2025 16:59

The problem is that meetings need to happen within a legal framework and timescales, and will involve multiple professionals particularly given there are three children to consider. I can’t see how social workers could guarantee being able to have meetings on one day of the week only - it may be a non-working day for people who need to be there.

This. Unfortunately it’s just not possible to always have the meetings only on my day off, it’s just not possible.

And the fostering training often falls on my working days too and I have to attend the training and have been attending the training but then that causes problems with my job.

The only option that I can see is that I’m going to have to quit my job.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:09

PuppyMonkey · 03/12/2025 17:02

OP, I think you missed my question about what the IRO has suggested at the LAC reviews. Your situation must have been discussed?

Also, have you any support network? When I was a foster carer, my sister and her DP had approval to be our support after they had DBS checks etc which meant they could babysit and also do school pick ups etc.

Sorry I think I missed your earlier post on the thread, sorry about that. Yes the IRO is aware of the situation and it has been discussed at the meetings/reviews previously yes.

Yes, I have 2 people (both of them are friends) approved and DBS checked as part of my support network.

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Original poster

SparklyLimeHair · 03/12/2025 19:11

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/12/2025 19:05

You know meetings for looked after children don’t just involve social workers. They need to schedule around IROs, education, health services, any advocacy services, third sector agencies, it’s not unusual to have 6-10 professionals around the table of which two may be social workers. Any carer restricted to one day a week for all meetings and appointments is going to really struggle. Foster carers get an allowance because their foster caring role impacts on their ability to work.

No, the OP shouldn’t need to stop working when she has so kindly taken these children in but the reality of caring for three children who all have additional needs (by virtue of being looked after) is that it’s almost impossible to continue with life as it was. No one I know with children who have complex needs is able to sustain full time work.

Show quote history

This. It’s so full on. It’s impossible to always have the meetings on my day off, that’s just not possible at all. The training often falls on my working days too. I honestly can’t see what option is left besides quitting my job to be honest.

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