Christmas now unaffordable

[purplepentagram]

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

Read that the average benefits claimant has a lifestyle equivalent to someone earning £71,000 a year. Don't know whether this is true or not ?

@purplepentagram You really need to eat OP! Please swallow your pride and go to the food bank.

Fasting for up to three days has reliably been shown to induce stress hormone alterations including hypercortisolism, which is common to several stress models and points to brain adaptive response to energetic stress.

You will just get sicker by not eating.

From what you are saying OP, you should have over £700 left after you pay your rent. It's not a lot but at the same time, it should cover some gas and electricity, some food to cover more than 2 meals and internet.

How is that £700 spent on at the moment?

Of course it isn't true.

I have to agree with this - no GP appointments for a year? No support for suspected blood cancer? Eating two meals a week? Food banks refusing support. I feel there is a lot more going on here.

I would hazard a guess, that is not true whatsoever.

When you feel stuck, you're stuck.

It sounds as if the OP lives in a very depressed area and is depressed themselves.

It's difficult to get through to a doctor, but this is your starting point as they will have contact with other agencies. Just make this your one task. You have to start somewhere. Health also seems to be the key to some of your struggles.

You seem hopeless and, frankly, slightly suicidal. If you can physically get to your doctors' surgery, tell them that you don't feel safe. I'm hoping they have a mental health specialist you can talk to.

What type of collage does you son attend? Student finance can be claimed for further education collage, my son was advised to but then his collage ended up funding him anyway based on a health condition.

And that’s a really big issue that a lot of people just dont get. You are usually roughly on the limit if in HA or council but very often hugely under if in private rent especially in southern half of country or more ‘in demand’ areas in midlands, north and wales. I couldn’t for instance where I live (Bath) get a 1 bed flat covered off if on my own , by some margin ( around £300 a month less) - even if I went to much cheaper places within 10 miles I woukd still be around £200 short ( because the local allowance is less too) that’s why we need more controlled rents or more social housing

Definitely not true! Surely no one believes that. If there is the very rare family with exceptional needs/outgoings, maybe but nowhere near average.

There’s somethings in here that don’t ring true. A year for a biopsy to ‘confirm husband has a type of blood cancer’ is not possible. Suspected cancer would be investigated promptly and the husband would be very very unwell living with blood cancer for a year. Can’t get past the evil receptionist at the doctor? Again, for a year?

Several PPs are suggesting ways to help but the OP bats them all back. OP is clearly in very difficult times and will need to broaden where she looks for help. No magic extra money is going to arrive. It sounds like now the kids have grown up and there’s no money coming in for them that circumstances have changed and there is no longer enough money.

OP you do really need to read some of the very good advice on here and act if things are as hard as you describe. No one is going to swoop in and sort things out, you need to be proactive and seek help, it is out there, you need to access it.

Those targets haven’t been met in a long time

Agree. And also, no, it's not for your young adult children to sort out as others have indicated.

That figure is based on a couple with three eligible children one or some of whom are disabled. Was in radio 4 this morning from some official stats somewhere.

You need to get your kids to help you in any way shape or form, advocate for you etc

Completely agree. I have gastro issues with no appetite sometimes and my go to food is often porridge. Whilst I’m extremely lucky to have a FT job and be able to afford food, porridge with an egg thrown in, a few chopped nuts honestly is a nutritious and affordable meal as surely you will only deteriorate rapidly if you’re going without food and it’s very easy to prepare even add water if no milk.

Also I hope your DH can be convinced to apply for PIP, I know you said he’s reluctant to until he has a diagnosis and his paperwork but that’s not needed as the assessor can get access to GP records if he agrees and can investigate themselves also. It’s just important they know sooner than later how his life is being affected right now. He doesn’t need a perfect log of documents.

Hoping things improve soon ❤️

I understand what the OP says about getting past the GP receptionist, but at the end of the day you just need to be firm and tell them you NEED to speak to a doctor and that’s that. Even tell them you have mental health problems that you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about who’s not a doctor.

This is poor reading comprehension …OP talks about getting past GP receptionist, food banks are definitely not open access and the NHS waiting times are terrifying …for many critical illness investigations. Why would you disbelieve the Op about eating so little?

It sounds enough , and sounds lovely

I used to have a big artificial tree that a friend gave Me, lovely it was stood there in front of the window.
However, due to circumstances, I use the living room as a bedroom and just have no room for a large tree
I have a table top one with self lighting red tips at the end of it .. Quite a few fairy lights dotted around too and its cosy

Regarding the tree have you checked charity shops for trees and decorations? My first Christmas as a mum was spent in a homeless shelter when I was barely an adult myself so please don’t think I’m well off and taking the piss. I still use the same artificial tree all these years later I’ve never bothered with a real one they just die and leave pine needles all over the floor. Some charitiy shops are cheaper than others there’s one round here that sells baubles for 10p

Have you been reading the daily Mail again!
where’s your evidence?
I work in health care, support people with mental health and learning difficulties, so l know what you’re saying isn’t correct.All your doing is spreading misinformation which is ostracising people.

Hello everyone
We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

According to our council there is no discounts or help for anyone with council tax any more and it’s going up again.

Don't believe it OP. Councils have a habit of making shit up. They can't make up their own rules which bypass national law! There's a means-tested council tax scheme nationally for people on a low income, which includes people on nothing except benefits. You will be entitled to some kind of discount. If the council won't tell you how to apply for the scheme, you'll need to join some group locally full of poverty stricken people who will know the answer to that question of how to apply because they're claiming it themselves.

my youngest is now 20 so not entitled to anything for him. He can’t claim uc due to being in college full time, he can’t claim student finance for that’s uni only. he wants to work but everywhere he goes he gets turned down due to his own issues and his college times. - he still hasn’t passed his maths or English

OP it's late and my brain is switching off now so I'm not capable of writing this in a politically correct way right now and for that I apologise. You and your son needs to accept he's thick. He's 20 with no maths and English, if it hasn't happened by now, it's not going to. He needs to stop pissing about with college and go get a job of some kind.

I agree with poster up thread, sign up with employment agencies for temporary work, doing whatever he can do. They won't care about qualifications they'll only care about what he can actually do. The more temporary placements he gets, the more experience he has and the more things he can do, all of which helps him to get a permanent job.

Once he's no longer in full time education he becomes eligible for and can apply for UC for himself. Which between that and the intermittent temporary work, will enable him to pay his way with his share of food, utility bills and council tax while he still lives at home.

As the OP is renting she might not be permitted to take in a lodger.

Really? I'll put my English Lit MA in the bin then along with the experience of supporting my disabled parents to claim benefits and navigate several serious health conditions for the last two decades.