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Original poster

Christmas now unaffordable

293 replies

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 18:38

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

OP posts:
Bologneselove · 02/12/2025 21:41

Your circumstances sound awful but you also sound very pessimistic which makes me wonder if you’ve mental health issues or are exaggerating Some aspects, eg a town without any community support or even a shop is quite unbelievable. You don’t mention how your teenage son eats. As someone said, GCSE’s aren’t needed for many jobs, , ie shop work which I’m sure your son can easily find in the run up to Christmas to help the family. If District Nurses administer your weekly injection they can refer you for services or your GP. Help won’t come to you without asking.

Lex345 · 02/12/2025 21:42

It sounds really tough OP and to be honest you really will have to put yourself out there to access support-but there is absolutely support available.

Leap Energy Charity

https://applyforleap.org.uk/

Your energy company may also offer support through hardship funds-as well as DWP support-have you checked if you are eligible for Warm Home Discount for example?

Household Support Fund

(Administered by local council)

Local charities

Local foodbanks

Turn To Us (Charity, benefits and grants advice)

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Local social services

A lot of these have free phone numbers and online access.

Please reach out to organisations that can and will help.

LEAP - The Energy Advice & Money Saving Service

Check your eligibility

https://applyforleap.org.uk

19lottie82 · 02/12/2025 21:42

Egglio · 02/12/2025 21:33

Agree. And also, no, it's not for your young adult children to sort out as others have indicated.

Show quote history

It’s not for them to sort out, no. But a 20 year old who lives at home needs to be helping out, especially when their parents can’t afford to subsidise them.

Wrongsaidfredd · 02/12/2025 21:42

pigmygoatsinjumpers · 02/12/2025 21:40

As the OP is renting she might not be permitted to take in a lodger.

Show quote history

Oh god someone hasn’t recommended a lodger again? They did this a while back on a similar thread. I haven’t read all ops follow ups so idk how old her kids are but letting a random stranger (potentially a nonce) into your house is NEVER worth it

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:42

REDB99 · 02/12/2025 21:32

There’s somethings in here that don’t ring true. A year for a biopsy to ‘confirm husband has a type of blood cancer’ is not possible. Suspected cancer would be investigated promptly and the husband would be very very unwell living with blood cancer for a year. Can’t get past the evil receptionist at the doctor? Again, for a year?

Several PPs are suggesting ways to help but the OP bats them all back. OP is clearly in very difficult times and will need to broaden where she looks for help. No magic extra money is going to arrive. It sounds like now the kids have grown up and there’s no money coming in for them that circumstances have changed and there is no longer enough money.

OP you do really need to read some of the very good advice on here and act if things are as hard as you describe. No one is going to swoop in and sort things out, you need to be proactive and seek help, it is out there, you need to access it.

3 years ago I had a biopsy as an in patient in December and the results were sent in MAY with a dictated date that was about 8 weeks earlier than the letter to patient date.., and that was 3 years ago and the NHS crisis has deepened if anything…so 6 months is possible and I’d testify to that

Randomcrackedegg · 02/12/2025 21:44

Not read the whole thread but I'm still confused as to why you're paying council tax. If you're in England and both not working this should definitely be covered by benefits

YourLoyalPlumOP · 02/12/2025 21:45

I’ve been ther OP. I’ve been there when I was a child and me and my mum only ate twice a week also. We had no house. No car. No heating. No cooked food. No tv nothing at all. There were no phones at the time.

we ended up completely homeless and starving. Only then did the council step in. Food was super tight for years after that and without a neighbour who would buy us out of date tons of food we’d of starved.

if you ever want to rant. I’m here. It’s a horrible place to be OP ❤️

Burningbud1981 · 02/12/2025 21:45

Randomcrackedegg · 02/12/2025 21:44

Not read the whole thread but I'm still confused as to why you're paying council tax. If you're in England and both not working this should definitely be covered by benefits

Not necessarily. All councils work out council tax liability and support differently. Their benefits would be counted as income. Few councils give 100% discount and if they do it’s due to severe disability for example

Kirbert2 · 02/12/2025 21:46

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:33

Those targets haven’t been met in a long time

Show quote history

Which is very different from still waiting for the very first port of call to a diagnosis after an entire year. If he has blood cancer, he clearly has a slow growing type which is lucky or he'd be dead right now.

Randomcrackedegg · 02/12/2025 21:46

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:42

3 years ago I had a biopsy as an in patient in December and the results were sent in MAY with a dictated date that was about 8 weeks earlier than the letter to patient date.., and that was 3 years ago and the NHS crisis has deepened if anything…so 6 months is possible and I’d testify to that

Show quote history

Yes, there was a recent story in the media about a man who waited nearly a year to get his results telling him he did actually have Cancer

Wrongsaidfredd · 02/12/2025 21:46

Randomcrackedegg · 02/12/2025 21:44

Not read the whole thread but I'm still confused as to why you're paying council tax. If you're in England and both not working this should definitely be covered by benefits

I had to pay council tax when I wasn’t working, discounted yes but still had to pay some of it. Only complete exception was when I was a student

Friendlygingercat · 02/12/2025 21:46

There are food banks in churches which allow you to self refer if you tell them both you are your partner are disabled.. Why not try ringing around. Or just turn up. I dont think they will turn you away empty handed because it looks bad in front of other people. Any HCP should be able to refer you. Your GP surgery should be able to.

REDB99 · 02/12/2025 21:46

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:42

3 years ago I had a biopsy as an in patient in December and the results were sent in MAY with a dictated date that was about 8 weeks earlier than the letter to patient date.., and that was 3 years ago and the NHS crisis has deepened if anything…so 6 months is possible and I’d testify to that

Show quote history

That’s a late letter, I too have had very late letters containing results for scans / MRIs which have been dictated by the consultant and then taken weeks for the secretary to write up. Suspected cancer patients do not wait a year for a biopsy. The results, if nothing sinister is found, may take longer to arrive.

Original poster
purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 21:47

my husband will not chase up anything. It’s always been me that’s done it. But since all this with data protection and all that. I’m now stuck because they won’t speak to me anymore. We had a good marriage untill a few years ago to now where he is not the man I married anymore. If anything he seems to be in complete denial over how bad his health actually is. His age is also against him now.

I can’t have porridge it would make me ill -

my kids can’t help. Iv one that’s severely disabled in supported living.
one that’s away at uni and only just surviving on her wages and student finance.
one that’s got a very young family ( he has a 7yr old and 9month ) he has only just come out of hospital due to his kidneys failing and emergency surgery.
the one that’s at home. If he could help he would but he is not mentally capable.

we don’t have a horse. I don’t get what you mean

OP posts:
Dancingsquirrels · 02/12/2025 21:47

I do sympathise, but like others, I don't believe that you're only eating 2x per week

Kirbert2 · 02/12/2025 21:47

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:42

3 years ago I had a biopsy as an in patient in December and the results were sent in MAY with a dictated date that was about 8 weeks earlier than the letter to patient date.., and that was 3 years ago and the NHS crisis has deepened if anything…so 6 months is possible and I’d testify to that

Show quote history

He hasn't even had a biopsy after over a year.

19lottie82 · 02/12/2025 21:49

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 21:40

According to our council there is no discounts or help for anyone with council tax any more and it’s going up again.

Don't believe it OP. Councils have a habit of making shit up. They can't make up their own rules which bypass national law! There's a means-tested council tax scheme nationally for people on a low income, which includes people on nothing except benefits. You will be entitled to some kind of discount. If the council won't tell you how to apply for the scheme, you'll need to join some group locally full of poverty stricken people who will know the answer to that question of how to apply because they're claiming it themselves.

my youngest is now 20 so not entitled to anything for him. He can’t claim uc due to being in college full time, he can’t claim student finance for that’s uni only. he wants to work but everywhere he goes he gets turned down due to his own issues and his college times. - he still hasn’t passed his maths or English

OP it's late and my brain is switching off now so I'm not capable of writing this in a politically correct way right now and for that I apologise. You and your son needs to accept he's thick. He's 20 with no maths and English, if it hasn't happened by now, it's not going to. He needs to stop pissing about with college and go get a job of some kind.

I agree with poster up thread, sign up with employment agencies for temporary work, doing whatever he can do. They won't care about qualifications they'll only care about what he can actually do. The more temporary placements he gets, the more experience he has and the more things he can do, all of which helps him to get a permanent job.

Once he's no longer in full time education he becomes eligible for and can apply for UC for himself. Which between that and the intermittent temporary work, will enable him to pay his way with his share of food, utility bills and council tax while he still lives at home.

That’s a bit harsh, no need for the thick comment! BUT the rest of it is pretty much true.

what’s your son doing at college? You say he’s 20, so what’s he been doing since he left school? Is he actually going to get a job in the related field? If not then he needs to stop wasting his time and get a job and pay his way. There are plenty of agency jobs that don’t need GCSEs / experience and you can start pretty much straight away.

EDIT sorry OP I’ve just seen your post about your son not being “mentally capable”. Mentally capable for what? If he’s not mentally capable of stacking shelves ect then he will be eligible for benefits to top up your household income.

Applesinapie · 02/12/2025 21:50

So some weeks you’re not eating at all and others it’s once or twice at most? Can I ask what you’re eating? How are you still functioning if you don’t even eat a mouthful some weeks? You must be very weak and thin. Can you go to the gp about this- maybe you could be prescribed meal replacement shakes or something to help you get some calories in. You can’t really function enough to be a carer if you don’t eat for days and days on end so this situation in untenable- you will
end up hospitalised

BankfieldForever · 02/12/2025 21:51

Anyahyacinth · 02/12/2025 21:37

This is poor reading comprehension …OP talks about getting past GP receptionist, food banks are definitely not open access and the NHS waiting times are terrifying …for many critical illness investigations. Why would you disbelieve the Op about eating so little?

Show quote history

Because it isn’t possible to survive for any length of time eating twice a week ‘if that’.

OP has a computer/device and access to the internet, some money left after rent and bills and yet NO food, when there is free food available to those in need. Mm.

The medical stuff, who knows.

JustLilacSloth · 02/12/2025 21:51

It sounds incredibly tough for you. I’m not surprised you feel low if you are eating so little Approach your local food bank, churches and Salvation Army. You may be able to get food, meals and support in other ways there. I help in a local food bank and we are supporting many in very similar situations at the moment. We will be giving out extra Christmas goodies shortly to those who are eligible. I hope things turn around for you all and you get some relief.

takealettermsjones · 02/12/2025 21:51

he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round

they are not aware of our problems for it is not something they should be worrying about.

I didn’t have it in me to do a mr out of fear that I would lose what I got.

husband will not apply for pip due to the problems and stress I went threw to get the little bit I get.plus he needs all the relevant paperwork which he hasn’t got yet.

Can’t get any help from the community due to a difference in beliefs and it also being very unsafe at times.

Our local mp - tried that once and was made very uncomfortable and unwelcome.

gp surgery- good luck getting past the evil receptionist

untill my husband gets seen and some actual answer to what’s going on with him - he will not apply for anything

cab - I keep trying but it’s impossible to actually speak to a person

You don't have the luxury of all these preferences, hurt feelings, and points of pride. I'm really sorry that things are so hard for you. But you really need to move past all the barriers you are imposing on yourselves.

pigmygoatsinjumpers · 02/12/2025 21:51

Joeninety · 02/12/2025 21:24

Read that the average benefits claimant has a lifestyle equivalent to someone earning £71,000 a year. Don't know whether this is true or not ?

If you can't verify it why quote it?

winterbluess · 02/12/2025 21:52

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 21:47

my husband will not chase up anything. It’s always been me that’s done it. But since all this with data protection and all that. I’m now stuck because they won’t speak to me anymore. We had a good marriage untill a few years ago to now where he is not the man I married anymore. If anything he seems to be in complete denial over how bad his health actually is. His age is also against him now.

I can’t have porridge it would make me ill -

my kids can’t help. Iv one that’s severely disabled in supported living.
one that’s away at uni and only just surviving on her wages and student finance.
one that’s got a very young family ( he has a 7yr old and 9month ) he has only just come out of hospital due to his kidneys failing and emergency surgery.
the one that’s at home. If he could help he would but he is not mentally capable.

we don’t have a horse. I don’t get what you mean

So what is your plan of action? Wait until you starve to death? Because you need to actually help yourself if you want anything to change 🤷‍♀️ you seem to have a reason why anything anyone suggests won't work

Loub1987 · 02/12/2025 21:55

I don’t believe you only eat twice a week. You would literally starve.

If you are entitled to do so, claim PIP and very benefit you can get. This thread seems like a goady benefit bashing tread. All for debate on benefits etc but this seems lazy.

Wrongsaidfredd · 02/12/2025 21:56

Why do people pick holes in every post on this site these days? If you think it’s fake why bother commenting? She said she’s down to two meals a week not that she only eats twice a week. She is probably sustained by small snacks. Either way is going through a hard time why leave some snarky comment to be a dickhead? I just don’t get it

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