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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas now unaffordable

293 replies

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 18:38

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

OP posts:

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 19:53

LadyKenya · 02/12/2025 19:11

It is terrible that so many people are in this type of situation, and yet gas, and electric prices just keep on rising. What are people meant to do, who cannot afford to eat, and heat their homes properly? It is so widespread now.

I wonder if some of the most desperate would do better to have their gas switched off. The standing charges are horrendous now. Whether people use their gas or not, they're still paying a bill. If they had only electricity it's only one standing charge, the money they spent on the gas standing charge could then be spent on actual electricity to heat their homes. Would only be cheaper if they already possessed some kind of electric heating and electric shower though, having to buy those things would be too expensive. I'm also not sure if getting the gas switched off is free. I know it isn't if you want it switched on again in the future.

Bagsintheboot · 02/12/2025 19:57

If you are really only eating twice a week then you need to see your GP urgently for a food bank referral. Or talk to your local church.

Can your older two who are working not help at all?

Have you checked on entitledto to check you're claiming everything you're eligible for?

Remember that Christmas isn't about how much you can spend or how much food you can eat. Christmas can be as cheap as you make it. Its no less a Christmas.

Boudy · 02/12/2025 20:00

I am sorry op. I agree re your husband applying for pip. Can you put message in UC Journal and ask them to send UC50 forms to both of you if needed? This will go towards assessment for limited capability for work(lcw) which you do not receive extra money for or limited capability for work related activity( lcwra) where you are not required to look for work and do receive some extra money. Before April 2026 just over £400 a month and if new claimant after that date around 240ish a month. It is really tough but may be worth doing. It can take a long time from when they receive form to assessment and decision but better to get it done? Also citizens advice perhaps. Depending where you are it might be hard to get through to them but again worth doiing.Also entitled to online...can show up other support thst might be around,such as £150 help with electricity/ gas for winter. If you don't get this already( people on low incomes etc) Sorry it is so tough op.

Burningbud1981 · 02/12/2025 20:05

Boudy · 02/12/2025 20:00

Edited

They need to be handing in fit notes for at least 29 days before UC50 will be sent

Original poster

purplepentagram · 02/12/2025 20:05

What would the point in splitting finances be. It wouldn’t make any difference either way. Especially since the first thing I do each month is pay the landlord. It didn’t help that they put the rent up from 580 to 700 in the last year.

we can not afford to move. There is no smaller, cheaper properties.

OP posts:

Ritaskitchen · 02/12/2025 20:07

Families are there to help one another. Yes you don’t want to worry your adult children but also thy will surely want to help. If nothing else you can be together. What about the food bank? Also contact your MP. This is is a legitimate reason to contact them - to ask for help.

Boudy · 02/12/2025 20:08

I know. It isn't always sent automatically though which is why I mentioned it as it sounded like the situation had been going on for a while. Also have to be earning under a certain amount before it is sent and it dosen't sound like they are. I have also realised op that my suggestions are not very helpful fior Christmas but might be for longer term.

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:10

OP you are refusing to help yourself.

Take a look at the criteria for PIP. Take a look at your award letter for the reasons you've been awarded it. If those reasons are incorrect ie if you've been given 2 points because you can do xyz but actually you can't do xyz and should have 8 points, then you need to get your PIP claim looked at again. Report a change of circumstances to say it's worsened from whatever they say the situation is, if they've got the situation wrong. Because if you're not getting the correct amount it's because they haven't given you the correct acknowledgement of your issues. It can be sorted.

Your husband needs to apply. He can get the ball rolling with a claim and seek out the paperwork needed later. It takes time for the claim to progress.

If your CAB is never open then phone them! They'll have a system for making an appointment. Use it.

Talk to your children. You have at least one son, the one with a family, who can most likely afford an extra large tin of peas and potatoes and an extra chicken to feed a few more people, he's the one who is best placed to host your family Christmas this year. Your children would much rather learn of your hardships and have a bit of worry about that than be told of your deaths from hypothermia or starvation.

Refusing to do all the above is an example of the twisted illogical thinking I was talking about. You literally can't think straight when your brain is starved of fuel. I'm also wondering if any of your health symptoms are actually caused by malnutrition or being exacerbated by it. Because on two meals a week you are most definitely malnourished.

Are you working OP? If not, is it because you're fit for work but currently unemployed? Or is it due to your health? If you can't work for health reasons you should have a Low Capability for Work Related Activity on your UC claim, but you have to claim this and jump through their hoops to get it. So if you're supposed to be getting that then claim it. It gives extra money per month.

You should look into claiming council tax credit too, that's not included in UC. You have to claim it separately, it's for people on a low income, regardless of where that income comes from.

Amba1998 · 02/12/2025 20:10

I’m sorry to be blunt but if you really were eating 2 meals a week then your husband would get off his high horse and claim what he’s entitled to!

Thundertoast · 02/12/2025 20:13

When you say you eat twice a week, what are you eating on these days, whats the budget? Do you have dietary restrictions or a restricted cooking setup? If you can give us more information on the food situation we might be able to help. Do you have a Facebook community page where you could look up if there are any food shares, its not all food banks you sometimes have zero waste sharing hubs too, worth a look maybe.

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:15

we can not afford to move. There is no smaller, cheaper properties.

Then you need a lodger. It's not good being precious about not wanting to share your home. You need the money, you don't have the luxury of being precious.

BengalBangle · 02/12/2025 20:16

I very much doubt someone could survive, eating only twice a week.
Why haven't you applied for the limited capability for work element on UC?

witchespocus · 02/12/2025 20:16

You would really benefit from applying for the Discretionary housing payment I mentioned in my previous post. If you are unfit for work then you need to submit a fit note and start the ball rolling on lcwra.

The pip process isn’t nice and easy as you are aware but it is easier than surviving on 2 meals a week.

Regarding food vouchers most are administered by the Trussel Trust they are impartial and judgement free so a difference of beliefs won’t come into it.

aWeeCornishPastie · 02/12/2025 20:17

I told my daughter today I can’t afford a Christmas tree…honestly I just can’t be arsed with the faff of buying one and my cats jumping in it. we have a little Christmas tree lamp and a very small table tree that will just have to do. Another reason am reluctant to buy one is I have very limited space to store it

RaininSummer · 02/12/2025 20:18

You can't ask for uc50 forms as such. You need to submit fit notes from the doctor and then they are sent after 30 days. Only one LCWRA can be paid on a couples claim and having an assessment does not necessarily put you in that group if they decide that you are able to work in some capacity. Can you get some free or cheap food from Olio to help out with meals?

Brogues · 02/12/2025 20:19

Make sure you are on social tariff’s for utilities. Ask your council for discretionary payments. Some religious groups will provide a hot meal without any expectation. Take care of yourself.

Boudy · 02/12/2025 20:21

If fit notes have been submitted and a person hasn't heard ( received UC50) when they should have then a person can ask..it does happen.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 02/12/2025 20:22

It's awful that you are in situation, but as it really is two meals a week - you need to see your GP urgently for a food referral, you need to apply to up your pip if possible and your husband to get pip. You have no choice.

As PPs say chip in with your kids to host Christmas at whoever has the most suitable place.

Citizens advice has a centralised online chat, which can help put you in touch with the local place when it's open.
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/

I think you should also talk to Disability rights UK
03444 111 444

If you can say where you are based people may be able to suggest local organisations you haven't come across.

I can imagine you are totally exhausted by this so you need some help to improve things.

caringcarer · 02/12/2025 20:24

Daisy12Maisie · 02/12/2025 19:14

I would still have the family round and just say we are skint this year so can you bring the crackers, then can you bring some veg and can you bring a chicken (to each of the children.)
I say chicken as I’m going to cook a chicken this year as it’s cheaper.
My teens are looking forward to Christmas as it’s a family event. I’ve told them I can’t get them big presents and I’m just making a cheap version of Christmas dinner and they don’t care. My 18 year old lives away from home so if I make frozen veg from the freezer and a chicken he will still be pleased to have a home cooked meal!

We will play some games. Actually, this sounds rubbish but we are going to play guess the road sign as we are trying to get my youngest to revise for his driving theory test. We have a pack of flash cards so we will do that for half an hour. Then just chat. Maybe go for a walk. I have put up some decorations that I had in the loft. They look old and tatty but my teens don’t care. I know it’s much harder with less money but I sometimes think it makes it more of a laugh with the kids.
I took mine on holiday for a week once and something broke in the house before we went so we had to literally eat supermarket versions of pot noodle and a bag of apples and bananas for the week whereas we were going to eat out a few nights. It wasn’t ideal but we did still have a nice time on the holiday.

On a separate note I agree with other posters that you need to make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to.

This. Don't give up. If you already have decorations put them up, that won't cost you anything. Get your DH to apply for PIP. If he gets it you could get carers allowance.

Pumpkinsonastring · 02/12/2025 20:25

What would the point in splitting finances be

The point is that if your husband is refusing to claim what he's entitled to, and you're getting more in PIP than he is in carer's allowance (i have no idea if you are or aren't, since your PIP is so low), then you're effectively subsidising his life. It's pointless to subsidise another person just because that person refuses to help themselves, then complain you have no money left. If someone is refusing to help themselves it's best to disengage from them and see how much help you're able to give only after you've seen to your own needs.

Otherwise, you're effectively setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - and whilst there's people on this earth you might choose to do that for, someone who refuses to put on a coat isn't worthy of that level of self sacrifice on your part.

So if you're subsidising him, stopping that and separating your finances lets you have better control over your own money and how it's spent, and means he gets to feel the consequences of his refusal to claim PIP, which might make him more likely to do it.

CraftyGin · 02/12/2025 20:25

If you can't afford Christmas stuff, don't do it. There are lots of free things you can do, depending on your community.@

2dogsandabudgie · 02/12/2025 20:26

OP - Why do they give your husband carer's allowance but then deduct it, that doesn't make sense.

Edited to add why can't you get community help because you have different beliefs. I don't understand what that means. Do you mean religious beliefs, because I can't see why that would be a problem.

SJone0101 · 02/12/2025 20:28

I can’t understand that if someone needs Pip, have can they possibly be carers and then due to carers allowance. If you can’t look after yourself well enough, why are you someone’s carer. Doesn’t make sense.

SJone0101 · 02/12/2025 20:28

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