Christmas now unaffordable

[purplepentagram]

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

Sorry if I've missed this but dont you get housing benefit? How much is your monthly rent? And how much are you paying towards rent off your UC? As a pp has said, if you do an in/out budget planner here, we can maybe help.

What qualifications do you have? What work have you done previously just to give us an idea of experience?

I know that. But if some people aren't heating their homes at all, but are still paying a standing charge for gas, that's not helping them. Using that money for some little bit of heat might, in some cases, be better than using it to pay a standing charge that gives you nothing.

I don't really see the point in rationing heating any more. It costs so much anyway because of the standing charge, I figured I may as well pay a little more to switch it on and actually heat the place.

It's awful that we live in a country where people can't afford heating. It's not optional in the UK it's necessary for good health.

Housing costs element is part of UC now, housing benefit is only available for pensioners @HellsBellsAndCatsWhiskers

Well this is the real reason you are not eating then isn't it. Didn't make sense you saying you could only have 2 meals a week while also in another post saying DH is eating like normal as you are prioritising his diabetes. While you are the 1 claiming the PIP that should be put to use making sure your condition is benefited. If you have low immune system then you must prioritise eating something a day each week. Veg can be pretty cheap and go a long way. Your health is just as important as DH. If he is cooking meals for himself, I just can't imagine any partner watching you go with nothing for 2 days while he tucks in himself regularly each day.

Does he control the finances by any chance?

A lot of what you say sounds like you are putting barriers in the way of seeking help instead of pushing to get what you need. There seems to be evil discriminatory people every way you turn from your posts. Surely this can't be the reality of it. Or maybe you are perceiving people that way.

A quick Google search will tell you every council has a scheme where you can get reduction based on income, the amount will vary, but you would get something. You should also be entitled to child benefit for a 20 year old in college as long as he is studying A-level, the equivalent or less. Which sounds like is the case if he is still going GCSE. But what is he actually hoping to achieve by still studying for GCSE at this age? Is there a career path he is on his way to with this? If you can't afford to fund him now then he cant afford to keep trying this delaying getting work or a paid apprenticeship. If he was studying for that then he could have done the GCSE alongside.

Sounds like neither of them actually care about trying to get any extra in as their eating and housed, good old mum is happy to sacrifice so we are fine. Time for you to stop that at the very least. If you are weird about food maybe you need to split the food budget and take your 3rd to get things you can eat. If they get less then they will soon feel the need to do what they can to help sort this out. Sounds like it's all on you and you can't deal with people you have tried so far. Their turn

@Chinsupmeloves those "seemingly able adults" are probably carers for their disabled children, who aren't in special school for shits and giggles. Plenty of disabled children in mainstream school or stuck at home unable to attend school, so for those children to have got a place at special school they must be in a bad way. Caring is a job. Claiming carer's allowance means you're providing care for 35 hrs a week minimum, in the case of children that's 35hrs over and above the normal amount of care a child of that age without disabilities would need. That's why they're not expected to look for work.

Although I'll point out that you have no idea how disabled someone may be just by looking at them. Maybe they do the drop off and pick up together because one of those adults is disabled too and needs constant supervision. Being able to smoke means nothing at all in terms of disability.

OP regarding your husband getting carer's allowance, if he's not doing the caring any more due to his own health he shouldn't be claiming it. I know it's the easiest option for him because it means he won't be expected to work, and I'm sure the extra income it provides is useful, but if he's not actually providing the care you need then you're going to need help from social services. I'd imagine you are far less likely to get that help if they think you're already getting 35hrs of care/wk from your husband. They're a nightmare for trying to push all caring/supporting duties onto friends and family anyway. You're going to have to ram the point home that your husband is too ill to care for you, in order for social services to give you any help.

Anyone thinking OP is a troll and that there aren't tons of people living lives like this and feeling powerless to change anything, is an idiot. And extremely lucky that their social circle is so far removed from anything like this situation that they can't even comprehend how it happens.

@purplepentagram I think that's the trap of benefits.

When children are included, especially if they qualify for any extra help, it can be quite generous, easily upwards of £1500pm after rent is paid.

Eg, My ds receives just shy of £3500 per month once rent is paid, but that reduces by 1 dc next year, and I'm always encouraging them to look to the future, and try to pick up more hours/ do some free courses whilst they can to improve their chances later on.

Obviously, though, unless the adults can/ are able to improve their employment prospects then it's a big shock once the children become adults and are no longer part of your claim as the amount for an adult is, by comparison, ridiculously low.

We had many years where our income didn't stretch far enough to pay for even the essentials, so I can sympathise with your current problem.

For Christmas, we focused on being together, and doing things that didn't cost much, eg, movie night at home with hot chocolate and marshmallows. I'd buy some Candy Canes from the pound shop (12 for £1) and use some to decorate the tree (cheaper than chocolate), and the dc would have 1 each in their hot chocolate.

We used to play cards and other games like pictionary, and we'd wrap up warm and go for a walk with the dog, then have a warm homemade Mince pie or jam tart once back.

I used to buy stuff over the year that they needed, eg, socks, gloves, knickers, a new PJ set and would wrap them all up individually as, especially when young, the fun is in the unwrapping.
They were allowed to open their PJs on Christmas Eve so they could wear them for Christmas Day, and we would end the evening reading the classic poem/story "The Night Before Christmas ".

Even though, things are easier for us now, we still keep to a lot of these traditions that we built up over the year.

Their favourite one is the once a year special hot chocolate that I make for watching our Christmas film (Love, Actually). For each mug, I melt a bar each of (cheap) dark and milk chocolate, I then add half a pot of cream and a handful of marshmallows, some Christmas spices, and melt it all together. Typically, even now, it costs less than a pound to make per mug🍫

Sorry it all feels so hard. It sucks.

There seems to be evil discriminatory people every way you turn from your posts. Surely this can't be the reality of it.

Total be fair to the OP there is a lot of that about in officialdom, along with complete incompetence. So she's not necessarily wrong. It's just that if she gives up she's going to die so she has no option really but to push through it all and keep going.

I agree her husband has no real incentive to claim PIP. He's claiming carer's allowance so no expectation to work and he's eating just fine. It's OP who is apparently a job seeker, despite sounding like she's in no fit state to obtain or hold down a job at the moment and only eating twice a week, whilst her carer husband is too unwell to provide the necessary care for her. As you say, she's the one with the PIP but she's the one who's suffering the most right now. It's not right. He may have been a good husband in the past but she admits things have changed in recent years and her marriage is basically over. I got the impression that was without the issue of him becoming unwell, too, so not solely caused by his illness.

If you are getting pip you should definitely be getting lcfwra, they do get it wrong and leave it off.Chase it up and hopefully you’ll have backdated money too. Good luck.

op go over to redit look at the dwp benefit groups
you have people that work for UC / PIP DwP they are very helpful and won’t judge

post what you are getting because I don’t think it correct You should be getting LCWRA with your UC it’s almost an extra 100 a week

If your only getting the basic universal credit and your ill / getting pip use your pip award as evidence for the work capability assement ( wCA )

apply for a WCA for your health makes sure you do asap as the amount you can claim will be a much less amount in april.

You will need a fit note from your doctor.
That should get you another 100 a week
then there is career allowance / carers element
one is taken off UC & one isn’t so so you need to make sure your getting the correct amount

This is going to sound a big pathetic given how much you are going through and need, but I knew a housebound lady who did ironing for some income.

I think you need to speak clearly to your husband that you both need to do whatever it takes to get out of this mess. If there are things that he isn’t doing that are stopping money coming in, then it sounds like he is making a choice to deny you food and you need to get angry about that so he applies for whatever he can. You need to make him take this seriously

Also if you put where you are, then people might be able to recommend local services to you. I live in the sticks and there are places that help if needed.

Have a look at the forum money saving expert or the fun money club, there are ways of earning a bit extra but sorting out benefits needs to be the first port of call.

Get the pip forms and fill them in as if you are your husband.
It's needs based not diagnosis based
Re do your pip giving them every single bit of information
I think as well I'd be moving away from the area you live in
I've heard of people in the north of Scotland getting council housing very quickly
Definitely worth looking around to move somewhere with more going on so you have a chance of a life .
I think the problem with run down areas is that people don't have spare money to give food to food banks

I'm aware. That's reflected in my calculations.

Unfortunately it isn't as simple as just getting a fit note from your doctor then getting awarded LCWRA. Also, receiving PIP doesn't guarantee someone will be awarded LCWRA. There is an application process which can take many months. Fit notes have to be submitted and after 29 days should trigger a UC50 form being sent out. This is simply the application form for a work capability assessment. It's similar to the application for PIP. Once this is returned, along with all the required evidence, the claimant has to wait to see if they will be getting an assessment. Then they have to wait for that. Then wait for the decision. This usually takes a very long time.

Also, I'm not sure where you're seeing information that LCWRA amounts are being reduced from April? Even if they were, applying asap won't change how much the OP gets in the end if they are awarded it.

It's not easy to just move to a new area. The OP is autistic. I really hope she reaches out to one of the organisations suggested as she needs someone to advocate for her.

I hear you ,and the op
But it sounds like the area is not helping
If you haven't a car and you can't leave the house because the area is dangerous,that means your effectively house bound and thus depressed.
It's no life for anyone
I know how hard it is to move
But we have to help ourselves..I'm diagnosed autistic to ,I know how hard it is when you get stuck in your brain and can't see the wood for the trees .
Op needs a focus to work towards,I think moving is that focus

How on earth will she move with no money?? Where will she get the deposit? Move her stuff?

A cheaper area ,more rural with a lower waiting list for council houses .
She's paying a lot of rent

She’s not on the list and to move out of area for council houses you need to have lived in that area for a period before you can get on the wait list.

Even with the standing charge, it's still much cheaper to heat with gas.

I expect Joeninety knows this.

It's goady nonsense - along with "Pensioners don't need the state pension triple lock - they're all going on cruises" lobbed into threads to stir up contempt for benefit claimants and those over state pension age.

I’m also frustrated that this family seem unable to access help for many reasons, but would just add that hives can indeed stop you working - when so much histamine is released it makes you feel appalling and even prescription anti histamine can’t control it - they can last for weeks

@purplepentagram part of feeling exhausted will be related to how little you are eating.
Please contact your council and adult social care. They will be able to sign post you, can assist with how to get food bank vouchers etc.

You need support especially if your husband does the cooking and now can't.

Just to clarify a few things.
Thanks to all those that have some decency and thanks again to all the haters and cruel people. This is why the world is now a horrible place to live because there is so many that think it’s a lie or I’m a troll or making excuses but you come and live my life for a few weeks. Then you would change ur mind. I can provide proof but why should I. I don’t have any family to go to, I don’t have any friends to talk to either. I have numerous health issues that are mentally and physically but again I shouldnt have to go into detail when it’s bad enough what you have to go threw to get a small bit of financial help.

I don’t have any qualifications, I didn’t even finish high school. But I had worked for over 30yrs in the bar/ pub/ nightclub trade. It was something I was good at and enjoyed. But due to my health it got to a point where I physically couldn’t do it anymore. Plus with the added fact that it is now a dying trade. There is no pubs or clubs left and the ones that are don’t want an old middle aged woman when they want young pretty things behind the bar. We had managed rather well for many years without any issues and when it was tax credits we never had any problems. Then last year it all changed - we were moved over to universal credit and no matter how much they say you won’t be any worse of it’s bs. Since being on UC life has turned into a night mare. For over 20yrs we had been on a weekly wage, weekly top up budgeting fine. Then it all changed. Now I couldn’t even tell you when things are due, what’s to be paid and what’s going in or out. What once was a weekly shop a full big basket is now the price of a few items in a basket. I’m still in contract with a few things and can’t cancel them till it’s ended. These were done before everything went sideways. Every day now is a battle mentally just to function and get threw the day. There is so much negativity towards anyone that needs some help, advice or just someone to talk to. I pray for a miracle on a daily basis just for some help to help me get my head round the mess we are now in. Without people making me feel worse for asking.

it’s ok for some to say well move - easier said than done - where would we go - how - where would we get the money from to cover deposits, moving costs - I’m in private rented. My credit is now shot due to falling behind with things. So now that’s against me aswell.
it’s ok saying don’t pay things. But that’s not going to help either.
some suggest leave or even divorce my husband - but how would that help for then still one of us would have to leave, I’d then be even more lonely than I already am. If anything it would make matters worse. for I wouldn’t cope or manage on my own.
I do believe that all the health issues my husband has going on is the contributing factor to how he has changed over the years plus the added fact that he is now getting older (he is older than my self over 50 but not near pension age yet) we have been together since our early 20s.

when I can I will look into again things that have been suggested.
yet again I phoned the docs surgery this morning to be told to phone back tomorrow for there is no appointments left for today. Do some not realise how hard it is to see a female gp.