Christmas now unaffordable

[purplepentagram]

Is there even any point in me bothering with the tree, decs and all that goes with it. When I can’t even afford to do any shopping.
all you see in the news is all about how those on benefits are so better off and living a life a luxury…. Well can someone point me in the right direction cause our life sucks.
things were ok till my husbands health took a turn for the worse.which is also starting to effect our marriage - for that might as well be over an all. He is now under investigation due to neurological tremors and a few other things. I’m also disabled with physical and neurological issues. I get some pip and my husband gets carers.( he’s not applied for pip due to believing all the nastiness that’s currently going round) Our universal credit is 1085 a month after deductions. Our rent is 700 of that. So we’re living off less than 500 a month. By the time Iv paid all the bills there is nothing left. So what’s the point in even carrying on anymore. Things were manageable even after our youngest child dropped off our claim. ( he’s still in college full time and at home) my daughter has left and gone to uni. My eldest 2 have their own life’s. Am I wrong in telling them not to bother coming home this year and asking my son if he can find a friends to go to instead. We’re down to 2 meals a week, minimal heating due to the amount that British Gas is asking for each month. Iv cancelled everything I could from insurance policies to subscriptions, internet ( that’s due to go off any day now) life is miserable and I can’t seem to find anyway out. We can’t afford to move, or even get on the council list. All the local help has stopped applications and I can’t even get a food bank referral. There is nothing left in our town and trying to find work is impossible. Just keep getting refused. So no Christmas for us this year and the kids have all been told not to bother since there is nothing. I just feel that the only way would be if we wasn’t here to be a burden. We don’t have any other family or friends. So that’s not an option either. Rather fed up on life and how the news is portraying things when it’s way far from reality.

Re the food side, if you have the nextdoor app, it links you to local people who will be able to let you know what’s available in your area. Ours is really good for that. We have someone on there currently in a similar position to yourself, and they’ve been given lots of really good information. Many towns have community fridges and places to go where warm free meals are offered daily.

I’m autistic with major issues around food. I have no interest in food, no appetite, I have an allergic reaction to a lot of food items. I suffer with a histamine intolerance so anything that triggers my body to produce histamine I look like Iv been rolling in nettles and then go into anaphylactic shock. Wheat, oats, barley, hops all cause me issues and pain same with milk.

i have to be prompted, reminded or asked about meals or snacks. Otherwise it would not cross my mind. I can’t cope in supermarkets and don’t do shopping. I can’t touch certain raw foods, I can’t chop things safely or be trusted at times near a cooker. My husband has always dealt with all of this untill recently but now it’s becoming an issue for him. Plus he even now forgets to check with me, prompt me.

I don't understand any of this. The OP doesn't even really mention any serious attempts at finding work. Just "there isn't any". Hives don't have to stop you working. There's online work. Mystery shopping. Just a few hours would be a bit of useful money.

@purplepentagram why can’t you get a foodbank referral?
the cab will help with your husbands pip form. If you can’t get into your local cab call their main helpline, they have workers who will and do help with completing pip forms and they will tell you if anything else to apply for. Your job centre will be able to help look at your benefit entitlement and your local council can support with looking at your council tax reduction and they often have access to money advice support charities and organisations

lol. No.

Maybe for a very very small amount of claimants with more than one severely disabled children or similar, but the average claimant? Absolutely nowhere near.

A job seeker for example, will get rent (up to housing association rate) and council tax paid plus £90 odd quid week. So maybe a little over a grand total. If you’re physically unable to work, which is getting harder and harder to claim for these days (despite what the daily mails states), you’ll maybe get an extra £400/700 a month depending on how severe your needs are.

Not even close to the equivalent of £71,000 a year, which is about £4,300 take home a month.

Will.you get the heating allowance? This will help to pay the energy bills. Are there community shops near you? Not the same as food banks, but you can get a huge amount of food for minimum cost.

You don't need new decs, use old ones (we always do), free local marketplace. Christmas is about being together, ask everyone to contribute something to the meal.

My grandma was alone as a widow with 3 DC, had to take in lodgers (cook and serve breakfast and evening meals) and work around the clock, sadly no benefits then. It was gruelling, a harsh survival. In no way belittling your situation, just to say now we can ask for help so time for DH to do it. Xxx

She’s disabled, even if she tried it would be a lot harder. Employers aren’t supposed to discriminate but given th choice between someone fit and healthy and energetic and someone who isn’t they’re going to make their choice.
Why do people pick holes in every post on this site? Don’t believe it’s real why bother commenting?

You need to refer to social services OP because if your husband is no longer able to offer the support you need to stay safe and healthy you absolutely need input from the local authority.

Your DH doesn't have the luxury of choosing not to apply for PIP.
His refusal to apply is punishing the whole family.
Does your child still living at home get any disability benefits?
Do they contribute towards the bills?

With this update sounds like you would both benefit from support from adult social care, you should be able to refer yourselves, if not, swallow your pride and make an actual GP appointment and ask for a referral . There’s so much they can support and advise with, including OT and support for you both at home, with food prep etc

I have a lot of health issues that I really don’t want to go into direct detail on here. Some things I don’t need the world to know. If there was some work from home jobs I’d happily do them. You find me one that is genuine and not some scam. But thanks anyway.

It sounds like your main problems here are your husband and your son. Your husband should be claiming what he’s entitled to, and your son should be either working, or if he genuinely cannot work, then he should also be claiming what he is entitled to.

Do you have any friends or family that can help advocate for you, contact adult social services if need be?

Of course it's not bloody true, you Muppet. People getting the most in benefits will be the long term sick and disabled, with kids or caring for severely disabled kids. To get those benefits you've got to be entirely unable to work and your life seriously limited due to your health. The average person earning £71k isn't remotely disabled or limited in any way. So no, not a comparable lifestyle at all.

From what you are saying OP, you should have over £700 left after you pay your rent. It's not a lot but at the same time, it should cover some gas and electricity, some food to cover more than 2 meals and internet.

How is that £700 spent on at the moment?

Supporting a 20yr old in college, who isn't entitled to either benefits (because they're in full time education) or student finance loans etc (because they're not at university). So I can only assume he's being entirely supported by mum and dad then, I'm not aware there's any other financial options. He can't pass basic maths and English so I'm sure he's not there on a scholarship.

OPs husband is also eating properly due to diabetes, it's only OP who is on 2 meals a week. We don't know the appetite of these men but it could be quite a lot.

Then there's utilities bills and the entire council tax because she's not claiming the means-tested discount for it.

I think you need to refer yourself to adult social services.

OP i read your first post and felt so sorry for you. I’ve now read the rest of your answers and honestly I feel like your mindset is a huge part of the problem. You sound defeated before you even try. With the level of your sickness and ailments you should be on a higher pip level. Additionally not seeing a dr for a year because an ‘evil receptionist’ sounds dramatic, also citizens advice is definitely not ‘always closed’.

Likewise there are food bank self referral options through lots of charities. I’m not saying things aren’t tough for you. They definitely are. But given what you have written here you and your husband should both be receiving more support. You both need to push forward with getting assessed, advice and support,

With the urticaria have you ever been referred for Xolair? It’s life changing and now being approved for some food allergies

Please please seek some kind of support.
Are you on social services register- I think with both your disabilities you should qualify for some support.
Could you get sheltered housing.
Sad to read this, I hope you can get help.
But in a way you are correct- Christmas is the least of your concerns

Even then my son is disabled, he gets high rate care & mobility DLA which means UC includes severely disabled child element and carers element and it is still nowhere near £71k.

OP respectfully you sound like you are stuck and in a position of learned helplessness. If you have debt do keep trying to find a way to manage it.
Any non priority debts should wait. Some local authorities have Income Max Teams if your local CAB is no longer there.
Your DH doesn’t need the paperwork or a diagnosis to be eligible for PIP. If he meets the component eligibility even if the process of applying is stressful he needs to step up and apply without further delay.
It seems crazy your circumstances are so challenging and austere yet neither of you will (with support) make a new claim for him and seek advice on whether your own award is so low.
Unfortunately no one will make it better unless you make the first steps. He may also be entitled to cont based ESA etc.
You clearly love your children and don’t want to burden them which is commendable but bear in mind that you or DH harming yourselves would also mean the pain and suffering for you ends, but then likely will go on your children ever more. You may not love your life just now which is understandable but you do have options to increase your income which you seem to be vehemently discounting.
Get the tree up. Make it a family time and show the kids that family is everything whilst doing all you can to increase your income.
It sucks. It’s really hard. But! You got this.

With children though there are extra payments, also free dental and eye care and prescriptions if on UC, extra £300 for winter energy, vouchers etc.

So rent, council tax, heating bills, all health, free school meals, extra vouchers, school gift bags full of food and extras, free holiday clubs, access to food banks, free breakfast clubs, plus PIP, carers allowance. I do think we're very lucky to live in the UK with so much support, especially compared worldwide.

I think that depends on the area. I have always been seen within 2 weeks for any suspected cancer. But even if some areas are not as efficient, I can't believe the OP's husband has been waiting 12 months for a biopsy for suspected blood cancer.

Have to tried too good to go, its not free but foe a nominal sum you get a bag of food a restaurant or shop didn't sell. Often there's a good amount of food in them.

No I can’t have that 1 due to me already being on adalimumab* injections *weekly

OP, as I understand it, you should be entitled to an advocate under the law if you have autism. They should be able to fight for you to get more help. I totally understand why your partner is so scared of the PIP process, it's horrifying how we're treating disabled people these days. But maybe social services might be able to offer something that the DWP can't?

Even with a few children it still isn't equivalent to £71k a year.

Rent is rarely fully covered
Free school meals won't be fully covered for those on UC until next September, I'm on UC and even with a disabled child don't qualify for free school meals currently
carers allowance is deducted from UC