My best friend of nearly 20 years and I have fallen out

[Mondura]

a long one..

My friend and I have known each other for 17 years. We both live in the UK. We’ve had a wider friendship circle since our twenties when we met but ppl move away and their lives end up going in different directions so it's not a strong group of friends anymore. I’d say she’s been a constant, supportive presence in my life throughout these years and we’ve never fallen out until a couple of months ago. I’m not even sure how things got to this point. She is turning 40 soon (a few months before me) and together with a third friend we were trying to organise something to celebrate her birthday. We all had some ideas, put them in the group chat but she decided she just wanted something simple, like going away to a cottage, just the three of us, have a few drinks, dinner, stay a night or two and just chat, laugh relax, etc. Great, nothing complicated or so I thought. Our third friend and I suggested a country pub with rooms which we’ve both been very impressed by previously, it had other locations in the UK, great service, lovely atmosphere, we were very keen to make the most of it. Our third friend sent some links and she highlighted some of the rooms have two beds, she’ll try and find maybe a family room, but can’t see a cottage on the grounds with multiple rooms. Fine, nothing has been decided and I said I’m happy to take a separate room maybe next to them and don’t mind the extra cost if they prefer sharing the two-bed one. We’ve known each other for a long time, all three of us know that I can afford a bit more in life in general. It hasn’t always been the case, we worked hard for the money we have, run a business, take risks etc. that’s not to say, they are poor, they can both afford luxury holidays, meals out, lovely clothes etc, so none of these things have ever really been an issue. My friend, the birthday girl, didn’t reply to my suggestion to book two rooms, we were all in a rush to do things that morning anyway, we knew it wasn’t going to be finalised so just left it. She then sent another link to the chat a few days later with an Airbnb link for another, cheaper cottage. We all liked it, lovely place, location, great! I was going away a few days later but was keen to finalise something for my friend so we'd have it locked in the calendar and had this short getaway to look forward to so instead of packing and getting myself organised, I prioritised this trip and started my morning looking into booking this. I told them that I’m happy to advance the payment and they can just transfer it later, I just wanted to look through the listing again to make sure it’s all to our liking and needs and I’m ready to book it. My friend messaged back that it’s fine and if it’s ok if she transfers her share the following month. I said ok. Then I was looking for the room configuration on the listing which was a bit hard to figure out, but I found it and it was a cottage with two double bedrooms and a living room with a sofa (not pull out). I sent in a screenshot with the caption “this one only has two bedrooms”. This is where things kicked off. She seemed to have gotten really upset and replied that I should just find another one then. I didn’t reply as I sensed that she was upset. We generally text or call each other almost every day, often multiple times a day, so I can read between the lines, she was not happy. I said I can look for something else, but not until I come back from my upcoming trip a week later so we can park this for now if that’s what she wants. She then messaged again saying it’s best to cancel the whole thing, all of us have different needs, she doesn’t want to go away any more, just a simple dinner is fine. I didn’t reply, because I was busy getting myself ready, I was already short on sleep and had a lot to do, I didn’t want to engage in discussing it further. It was clear that the booking wasn’t going to go ahead then. So I didn’t respond, she then private messaged me and said the same thing that it’s best to not go ahead at all with the plans. It’s her call of course, but then I replied saying I don’t understand and I don’t think it’s fair to now just shut it all down when we’ve all planned so much and looked forward to this ( took forever to find dates that suited us all). We were ready to book and it sounded like the ‘everyone has different needs’ is aimed at me as if my needs were too much. I said I don’t mind looking for a bigger cottage and I’ll just pay the difference for the third room if that’s the issue as it’s no problem for me. I was very polite and I tried to come up with a solution though I didn’t really understand why she got so agitated so suddenly. She then became pretty abusive saying she knows I can afford it, I rub this under their noses all the time. Last time when our other friend sent a link, I also told them I can afford a separate room for myself and that’s it’s not cool and I should really have a think about how I communicate because I come across entitled. I was shocked and started crying. I was totally oblivious to this if it was the case and really I thought I'm just booking a trip for my best friend and doing my best to be flexible.I scrolled back in the messages to see if I was rude or what exactly I said but I genuinely just stated that I don’t mind going for an extra room for myself. She knows I’m an awful sleeper, I send her screenshots of my sleep stats often and we analyse it together, I usually need a dark, quiet room and although we have shared rooms and even bed together in the past, I’d rather pay for my comfort levels approaching our 40s if we can afford it. Clearly her main issue was not me wanting a separate room, but it was deeper than that. It just seems she never expressed these to me. I stopped responding. I saw her last message later on where she says I’ve been the one person who is closest to her in the past 20 years and that she loves me, sort of like a half-assed apology where she probably realised how overboard she went. But I just couldn’t continue writing anything after all this and I had a lot to do that day anyway. I shouldn't have started the day with this booking as I had a lot on. She then tried to ring me in the afternoon and again in the evening, but I was on the school run in the afternoon, then took a sedative for the night (I don't often do this), but I had to calm down somehow and it was important that I had a good night's sleep before an early start to my flight. Over a week went past and I didn't contact her. In fact I muted her chat and the other chat too, which had all three of us in originally as I just couldn't deal with the drama plus I was away with my daughter, I didn't really have time to myself to dive into this whole 'who said what and why' saga.I also didn't want this to ruin my time away with my daughter though it definitely overshadowed it. I cried a lot at night or when she couldn't see me. I also didn't really know what to write tbh. I don't often post on social media, so whenever I snap pictures of what I do, where I am, what I eat etc, I just send a few to some selected friends and my husband. So this friend would've in normal circumstances received a lot of pics from my trip away, but I just had such a block in me. She said I rub things under her nose, so I didn't want to send her a pic of us sitting at the airport lounge. On arrival we went out of dinner to a new spot she actually specifically talked about before. I didn't want to send pics of the food. What if we spent too much? Would that be rubbing it under her nose? Suddenly everything I did felt like I was in the wrong and I was no longer able to share my life with her, because who knows what else I'd done in the past which was too much for her to handle? So I basically just parked this whole thing in my mind to deal with later and tried to enjoy my time away. A few days after getting back home, she messaged me again asking if I cared to discuss what happened at all. I replied politely and told her that I don't really know what to say and it still hasn't settled enough in me plus I'm busy catching up on life and work after returning from my trip (which she knew the length of) She said we should meet in person to discuss, but I told her I genuinely don't have time to know go out in the evening for this as I've only just got back and my other daughter terribly missed me and I just generally have a lot on. She became very accusatory again especially about the fact that I didn't respond at all for nearly two weeks (she said two weeks, it was a week and a half) and somehow I ended up reading more of how I did something wrong and how bad she felt during this time and that I shouldn't have just disappeared like that. I tried not to take offence, but it seemed a bit harsh from someone who was trying to mend things. So I told her I felt bad too, I just couldn't bring myself dealing with what she said as I feel like I can't be myself with her anymore. We try to text now regularly, but it's somewhat forced. It feels very awkward and I don't enjoy sharing anything with her. We got our car stolen a few months back and we recently got a brand new, better car and she was very interested in it previously. The car arrived after our fall out and she casually asked what it's like to drive it. I told her I think it's best not to analyse it as the new car is too expensive and I don't want to rub anything under her nose. She then stopped replying for a few days. I reached out afterwards to meet in person finally in the hope that I'd feel differently about her or I don't really know what I expected really. We met and I don't think we discussed anything in more detail or better just because we were face to face. There was some crying, but mostly we just both tried to make the other one understand why we are hurt. We left, I texted her again the next day and we messaged since, but it's not the same. It's awful actually. I'm only texting out of some obligatory feeling. I lost a very good friend over such a stupid thing and I can't believe it's happening. We have a few things in the calendar lined up, which we haven't discussed. We take turns spending Christmas lunch at each others every year and it's their turn to host this year. We have shows booked and our children are similar ages, they are good friends and we always maintained that they see each other regularly. I think she wants the friendship to continue, but something has broken between us and I guess I can keep going like this; in a forced, uncomfortable manner but I'm looking for advice on how to get past it and feel free and comfortable again spending time with her. Right now I always just feel like any moment I can say or do something that constitutes entitled and will cross her boundaries over what is or isn't allowed. If she wasn't important to me, I could just let this all go, but I'm really struggling to let my hurt and anger, but mostly sadness go away so we can just be happy friends again planning our next adventure.

This.

honestly you are Both adults. She made effort to make amends and sort it almost immediately. You dodged for 2 weeks

the comment about the car was snotty

Her comments were rude but you’ve made a mountain out of a molehill. Over the top reaction.

OMG

I did think is she punishing her friend for upsetting her

It was her Birthday weekend away and she sent you somewhere she would like to stay. Either you or the other friend could have taken the sofa bed or they shared a room, which they were happy to do with the other cottage. Such a non issue that you have blown way out of proportion by keeping on about 'how much more you have' than them and basically it comes across that you didn't want to stay there as it wasn't good enough for you! Either grovel to make it up to her and book where she wanted to go and surprise her or cut ties.

YABU.

No reasonable person would have a post so long and unstructured.

Christ on a bike. YABU just for the whittering.

This. Half of your post contains excuses about why you couldn’t make time to try to sort things out with your supposedly best friend. She was obviously feeling a bit sensitive about money but this could all have been nipped in the bud so much sooner had you not buried your head in the sand.

I had to skip loads of this too. The bottom line is it doesn't matter what you think you are. You are in some way coming across as entitled or annoying or something. It doesn't matter what you think your besties should do or say if you're really good friends you accept each other with faults and all and forgive each other so swallow your pride and be the bigger person here
Book yourselves into a spa day or a lunch and apologize and listen to each other

Storm in a teacup territory.

Sounds like a pair of teens squabbling, with, who said what, and when.

The huge amount of rambling didn't help though. Calm down, take a breather and read what you've written!

Well … I read the whole thing lol. To be honest I think you’re being a bit over dramatic about it all. Your friend snapped initially (not the worst thing in the world if it’s once in 17 years) then you’ve given her the silent treatment and been off with her since. Completely understand you were trying to be helpful about the trip, but it could also come across that you had the most money to spend so you were making the final decisions. Sounds like your friend has tried to make amends and you have been quite petty (the car comment). If she had turned round and listed 17 years worth of issues then I’d say you’d be right to cut her off, but seems a shame to end a friendship when it’s just one comment that isn’t even personal - just “we know you have money”.

Chatgpt is your friend it claims that it can shorten it further

My friend and I have known each other for 17 years. We both live in the UK. We’ve had a wider friendship circle since our twenties, when we met, but people move away and their lives go in different directions, so it’s not a strong group of friends anymore. I’d say she’s been a constant, supportive presence in my life throughout all these years, and we’d never fallen out until a couple of months ago. I’m still not even sure how things got to this point.

She is turning 40 soon (a few months before me), and together with a third friend we were trying to organise something to celebrate her birthday. We all had some ideas and put them in the group chat, but she decided she just wanted something simple—going away to a cottage, just the three of us, having a few drinks, dinner, staying a night or two, and just chatting, laughing, relaxing, etc. Great—nothing complicated. Or so I thought.

Our third friend and I suggested a country pub with rooms that we’d both been impressed by before. It had other UK locations, great service, lovely atmosphere—we were keen on making the most of it. Our friend sent some links and highlighted that some rooms had two beds; she said she’d try to find maybe a family room but couldn’t see a cottage with multiple rooms. Fine. Nothing had been decided, and I said I was happy to take a separate room, maybe next to them, and I didn’t mind the extra cost if they preferred sharing the two-bed one.
We’ve known each other a long time, and all three of us know that I can afford a bit more in life in general. It hasn’t always been the case—we worked hard for what we have, run a business, take risks, etc. That’s not to say they are poor; they can both afford luxury holidays, meals out, lovely clothes. None of these things have ever been an issue.

My friend—the birthday girl—didn’t reply to my suggestion about two rooms. We were all in a rush that morning, we knew it wasn’t going to be finalised right then, so we left it. A few days later, she sent an Airbnb link for a different, cheaper cottage. We all liked it—lovely place, great location.

I was going away a few days later but was keen to finalise something so it would be locked in the calendar. Instead of packing and getting myself sorted, I prioritised this trip and started my morning looking into booking it. I told them I was happy to advance the payment and they could transfer it later. I just wanted to double-check the listing to make sure it suited us.

My friend said that was fine and asked if she could transfer her share the following month. I said okay. Then I looked for the room configuration on the listing—it was hard to figure out, but I found it: two double bedrooms and a living room with a sofa (not a pull-out). I sent a screenshot with the caption, “This one only has two bedrooms.”

This is where things kicked off. She seemed to get really upset and replied that I should just find another one then. I didn’t reply, because I sensed she was upset. We usually text or call every day—often multiple times—so I can read between the lines. She was not happy. I said I could look for something else, but not until I came back from my trip a week later, so we could park it if that’s what she wanted.

She then messaged again, saying it was best to cancel the whole thing; we all have different needs; she didn’t want to go away anymore; a simple dinner would be fine. I didn’t reply because I was busy getting ready and short on sleep. It was clear the booking wasn’t going ahead, so I didn’t respond. She then private-messaged me saying the same thing. It was her call, but I replied saying I didn’t understand—after all the planning and finally finding dates that suited us all, it didn’t feel fair to shut it down now.

It sounded like her “everyone has different needs” comment was aimed at me, as if my needs were too much. I said I didn’t mind looking for a bigger cottage and would pay the difference for a third room if that was the issue. I was polite and tried to offer a solution, though I didn’t really understand why she got so agitated so suddenly.

Then she became pretty abusive, saying she knows I can afford things and that I rub this under their noses all the time. She said that when our other friend sent a link earlier, I also said I could afford a separate room, and that it’s “not cool” and I should think about how I communicate because I come across entitled. I was shocked, started crying, and was totally oblivious to this being an issue. I genuinely thought I was just being flexible and trying to make my best friend’s birthday special.

I scrolled back through the messages to see if I was rude, but I had simply stated that I didn’t mind paying for a separate room. She knows I’m an awful sleeper—I often send her screenshots of my sleep stats, and we analyse them together. I usually need a dark, quiet room, and although we’ve shared rooms and even a bed in the past, approaching our 40s, if I can afford more comfort, I’d prefer to. Clearly her main issue wasn’t the room; it was something deeper she’d never expressed.

I stopped responding. Later I saw a message where she said I’d been the one person closest to her for 20 years and that she loves me—a sort of half-apology, maybe realising how overboard she’d gone. But I couldn’t keep writing after all that, and I had a lot to do. Honestly, I shouldn’t have started the morning with this booking.

She tried to call me in the afternoon and again in the evening, but I was on the school run, then took a sedative that night (I rarely do) because I needed to calm down and sleep before my early flight. Over a week passed and I didn’t contact her. I muted her chat and the group chat because I couldn’t deal with the drama, and I was away with my daughter. I didn’t want this to overshadow my time with her—though it did. I cried a lot at night or when she couldn’t see me. I also genuinely didn’t know what to write.

I don’t often post on social media, so I normally just send pictures of my travels, meals, etc., to a few close friends and my husband. Under normal circumstances she would have received a lot of photos from my trip, but I had a block. She’d said I rub things under her nose—so I didn’t want to send a picture of us in an airport lounge. When we arrived we went to a new restaurant she had actually talked about—I didn’t want to send pictures of the food. What if it seemed like too much? Suddenly everything I did felt wrong. I felt like I couldn’t share my life with her anymore.

A few days after I got home, she messaged asking if I cared to discuss what happened. I replied politely, saying I didn’t know what to say yet and it hadn’t settled. I was also busy catching up on life after my trip. She said we should meet in person, but I told her I didn’t have time to go out in the evening—I had just returned, my other daughter had really missed me, and I had a lot on.
She became accusatory again, especially about the fact that I hadn’t responded for nearly two weeks (it was one and a half). I tried not to take offence, but it felt harsh coming from someone who supposedly wanted to make things right. I told her I felt bad too, but I hadn’t been able to deal with what she’d said, and that I felt like I couldn’t be myself around her anymore.

We try to text now, but it feels forced. It’s awkward and I don’t enjoy sharing things with her. We got our car stolen months ago and recently got a new, better one—something she’d been interested in before. The car arrived after our fallout, and she casually asked what it was like to drive. I told her it was best not to analyse it because the new car is expensive and I didn’t want to “rub anything under her nose.” She didn’t reply for days.

I eventually reached out to meet in person, hoping it would help. We met, but I don’t think discussing it face-to-face improved anything. There was crying, but mostly we just tried to explain why we were hurt. We left, texted the next day, and have kept messaging, but it’s not the same. It feels awful. I only text her now out of obligation.

I feel like I’ve lost a very good friend over something so stupid, and I can’t believe it’s happening. We have things planned—shows, Christmas lunch at theirs (we take turns yearly), and our children, who are close in age, are good friends. I think she wants the friendship to continue, but something has broken. I guess I could keep going in this forced way, but I’m looking for advice on how to move past this and feel comfortable again. Right now I feel like anything I say or do could be interpreted as “entitled” or crossing some boundary I didn’t know existed.

If she weren’t important to me, I could let this go. But I’m struggling to let my hurt, anger, and mostly sadness go so we can be happy friends again and plan our next adventure.

It sounds like a lot of things had been quietly building up over time and then suddenly came out all at once. Sadly, once certain things are said, they can’t be unheard, and they can really change how safe and natural a friendship feels.

It also sounds like you genuinely didn’t intend to hurt her, but you’ve been deeply hurt by what she said too. Feeling accused of something you were unaware of can make you suddenly become very guarded and overly careful.

I really do think the only way to truly resolve this, if you both want to, is through a very honest, open conversation — where you can calmly explain how her comments made you feel, that you had no idea she felt you were bragging, and that now you feel uncomfortable and constantly self-censoring around her. That isn’t a healthy place for a close friendship to stay in long-term. Hopefully, she can also be completely honest about the things that have upset her over time.

Overall, only time will probably show whether the friendship can find a new, comfortable footing, or whether it may have to change into something different. I’m really sorry you’re going through this — losing the ease and trust of a long-standing friendship, even while still in contact, is incredibly painful

Here’s what’s actually going on underneath all that chaos — because this is NOT about a cottage, a bedroom configuration, or even money. This is a classic friendship rupture triggered by something symbolic, not the practical issue itself.

Let me break it down clearly and compassionately.

---

What’s going on for the friend? (Not the poster — the friend)

1. There is deep, unspoken resentment that has been building for YEARS

Her reaction makes zero sense in proportion to the “trigger” (the cottage with two bedrooms).
That tells you the trigger is not the cause — it’s the excuse.

The friend has:

Unprocessed feelings about money differences

And probably the power balance within the friendship

Mixed with turning 40 (identity, comparison, life evaluation)

Mixed with general emotional dysregulation

She’s been holding these feelings privately, and they finally burst out in an ugly, misdirected way.

This is why the reaction was:

Sudden

Disproportionate

Personal

Accusatory

And then followed by shame and panic

Classic emotional spillover.

---

1. The friend is actually envious and ashamed — and projecting

Her line "you rub it under our noses" is pure projection.

Here’s what projection looks like:

I feel insecure about something

I don’t want to admit that

So I accuse YOU of causing my discomfort

She is struggling with:

Comparing herself to the poster financially

Feeling “less than” (even if she actually isn’t)

Fear of being left behind socially or lifestyle-wise

Turning 40 and evaluating her own life choices

The “separate room” became a symbol of:

independence

capability

financial comfort

adulthood

growing apart

And that terrified her.

---

1. She felt “outgrown” and panicked

Her identity is tied up in this long friendship.

When the poster:

handled booking smoothly

offered to pay upfront

calmly suggested taking a separate room

…it triggered something like:

> “She doesn’t need me anymore. She’s in a different league. She’s outgrowing me.”

And instead of saying:

> “I feel insecure and weird about this.”

she said:

> “You’re entitled and showing off.”

That’s how insecurity often expresses itself.

---

1. The friend then experienced shame — which made everything worse

The initial explosion was emotional insecurity.

Afterwards came shame:

She knew she was unreasonable

She knew she hurt her friend

She panicked when the poster went quiet

People in shame do ONE THING: They double down and attack again.

Because if they admit they were wrong, they must face the deeper insecurity that caused it.

---

1. The poster’s withdrawal triggered abandonment fears

When the poster muted the chat and went quiet, the friend panicked because:

She expected immediate soothing

She wanted the poster to reassure her

She needed the relationship re-stitched RIGHT AWAY

She was terrified the poster was truly done

But the poster needed distance to regulate (which is healthy).
The friend interpreted that as rejection.

So she became:

demanding

accusatory

self-pitying

dramatic

This is classic anxious attachment behaviour.

---

1. This is not about the cottage — this is about life stage shifts

Friendships built in your 20s often wobble around 40 because:

finances differ

lifestyles diverge

children change social dynamics

people subconsciously “compare lives”

birthdays trigger self-reflection

the friendship roles shift and no longer match the past

She is grieving the old dynamic where:

you were equals financially

shared rooms

lived similar lives

relied on each other daily

She felt the poster “moved on” without her, even though that isn’t true.

---

1. There is also a strong element of control

The friend wanted:

simplicity

emotional closeness

predictable dynamic

The moment the plan became slightly more complicated, she lost control and threw the grenade.

People who subconsciously want control often lash out when they feel:

out-paced

outgrown

or “less needed.”

---

1. The poster’s response (silence, withdrawing, being careful) unintentionally reinforced her insecurity

The friend already felt:

“less than”

like the poster had more money, more ease, more choices

So when the poster said:

> “I won’t tell you about the car because I don’t want to rub it in”

The friend heard confirmation of her deepest fear:

> “You ARE too much for me. We ARE different now. You DO think you’re better.”

That’s not what the poster meant, but that’s how an insecure person hears it.

---

So what is the REAL diagnosis?

This is a mix of:

✔️ **Financial insecurity (hers)

✔️ Fear of being outgrown
✔️ Turning-40 identity wobble
✔️ Long-term friendship role shift
✔️ Anxious attachment/panic
✔️ Shame → anger → shame cycle
✔️ Unspoken resentments that finally erupted**

This is not about:

the cottage

the room

booking timing

cost differences

Those are symptoms.
The cause is deeper and emotional.

---

Can the friendship be repaired?

Yes — but ONLY if:

**1. The friend is willing to admit insecurity (she might not be)

1. The poster stops walking on eggshells

1. They reset the friendship dynamic as equals — not rescuer vs. rescued

1. They acknowledge that life stage differences exist without shame or comparison

1. They move slowly and gently rather than forcing closeness**

Right now, the poster is trying to:

protect the friend’s feelings

manage her reaction

avoid upsetting her

be “careful”

That dynamic will kill the friendship if it continues.

---

The path forward

If this were the poster asking, I’d recommend:

Step 1: Stop apologising for who you are

No more:

“I don’t want to rub it in”

“Sorry I didn’t reply instantly”

“I won’t mention the car”

That strengthens the wrong narrative.

Step 2: Have a gentle but clear boundary

Something like:

> “I love you and value you. But I can’t walk on eggshells.
I want us to feel comfortable being ourselves again — both of us.
I don’t want money or rooms or logistics to represent something they’re not.
When something bothers you, I need you to tell me calmly, not explode.
And in return, I’m open to hearing anything you feel.”

Step 3: Don’t over-share until trust is rebuilt

Just keep things warm but light for a while.

Step 4: Accept the friendship has changed

Not ended — just evolved.
Once you accept that, the pressure lifts.

Step 5: Let her manage her insecurities — they are not yours to solve

---

TL;DR

The friend is not angry about the cottage.
She is having a 40th-birthday-life-comparison-insecurity meltdown, projected onto the poster.

The fallout is the result of:

emotional flooding

shame

fear of being left behind

resentment about perceived financial inequality

and panic that the friendship dynamic is shifting

This is fixable — but only if the poster stops carrying the responsibility for the other woman’s insecurities.

@Mondura Oh how I wish my life was so peaceful, and free of the abuse I have suffered in the past, that I would have sufficient head space and free time to loose my shit over a holiday booking, of all things.

There should be an option to say you are both being unreasonable.

You ghosted her when she tried to call you and clear the air, and then when she tried to be normal you made the barbed comment about your new car. You are the one that made it worse I'm afraid.

it sounds like you have a wonderful friendship that got tainted with a comment. Reflect back, accept that you might have come across as entitled. Don’t share so much about your life going forward. It’s not worth throwing away a great friendship over this!!

Doubt it.

I think saying your car is too expensive to talk about with her was a massive put down and unkind.

I think you’re a lovely friend at heart, but maybe look at your communication skills.

It’s difficult to know from your post if you often come across as superior to her without realising it.

It could be that your friend is jealous of you or going through a bad time financially, so is particularly sensitive at the moment.

I did manage to the end although I cant say I understood all of it. Some other pp have pointed out that you sort of ghosted her when she was trying possibly in a cack handed way to sort things out. The entire thing came out like a needless drama of the kind that teens have.

When you go on holiday or socialise with a friend and there is a significant income difference it can be very difficult not to appear to be swanning around wanting better than the other party can afford. Ive paid for a room on my own with a group thing (so that others could share in pairs) and it didnt go well. Even though the alternative was trying to find somewhere with a room for three, Sometimes you can never win.

I think it would have helped if you had communicated more instead of going dumb. Just a breezy "busy with work/family stuff. Catch up on X" would have been better than silence.

I cant offer any advice save to meet in person and thrash it all out. I had what appeared on the surface to be a trivial disagreement with a friend of 15 years. When I tried to make things up and asked for a meeting she told me that she saw no point in our meeting as our differences were "fundamental and irrovocable".I realised then that there was some deeper stuff that had been going on for some time, I continued to send christmas and birthday cards for some time but never got a reply.

Some friendships cant be fixed. We have to move past them even though it feels like a bereavement.Its worse, Because we mourn the good times and the person we were fond of is still alive in the world. But not our world.

JFC will people please STOP!!! doing ChatGPT nonsense that adds nothing, is often just wrong, and is often EVEN FUCKING LONGER than the OP's original post!!

😡

FFS Littlewiseone

I read through the actual issue but skipped past your family holiday. Unless I’ve missed something, this was supposed to be a holiday celebrating the big birthday of your closest friend and presumably you would have celebrated your own birthday in your own way. From what you have described, it sounds like you kept rejecting the places your friend whose birthday it was wanted to book based on your own personal need for extra space and sleep. You seem oblivious to the fact that this is what you were doing: controlling the scenario and making it all about you. I’m not surprised that your friend snapped. Main character syndrome is tolerable up to a point but you really should have just let your friend have her moment in the sun this time.

It’s also odd that you have apparently been crying and hand wringing while simultaneously ignoring any attempt your friend made at reconciliation. That is leaning towards narc territory.

If you value this long friendship, just apologise for taking over and offer to have a more balanced friendship going forward. (And I don’t mean financially)

Mine is no longer it is exactly what the OP wrote but in paragraphs as per pp requests.

I wish people would stop using the 'f' word,but here we are.