DP putting his foot in it when meeting my friends for first time

[Lurker25]

I moved away from my hometown a few years ago for work, so don’t get back often. However I met up with friends over the weekend and introduced them to my DP. He rather put his foot in it, but swears it was nerves and he meant nothing by it. To not be too graphic, he basically told one of my friends that his ex would ‘allow’ a specific sex act at Christmas and on his Birthday. I wasn’t part of said conversation, but my friend told me and he admitted it. My friend said it was barely relevant to their conversation. Would you give him the benefit of the doubt if he’s otherwise been a great partner? Or do you think it’s a sign?

Not only that but also threads about how antisocial, disrespectful, lazy and threatening their teen sons are turning out to be. Gee, I wonder why.

Revolting.

I agree with PPs that he fancied your friend so wanted to make her think/talk about sex.

Either that or he hoped the conversation would be relayed to you and you would somehow feel inadequate compared to his ex and would decide to let him do anal at Christmas.

So you introduced him to some of your friends for the first time and he said this??? I'd say, he doesn't want you to stay friends with these people.
I'd ditch him and run. That's not normal behaviour.

So he shoe-horned talk of sex acts into a chat with a woman who didn't invite that kind of conversation? That would be a no from me, what a creep.

Also a 'couple' of drinks and driving? Again, nah.

And yep and probably judge the friends as worthy of his time or not. I’m guessing the friend in this case will forever be ‘uptight and not fun’ as she wasn’t drawn into sexual conversation with him (that he would no doubt go home and think about afterwards…perv).

I think this is a red flag. It is disrespectful to all the women involved. To his ex who I doubt would want a random person to know this stuff, to your friend who I imagine does not really want to hear a friends partner talk about his sex life with someone else, and to you. There is no obvious connection between what your friend said and his reply. Nervous? Makes no sense to say what he did. And he was hardly drunk. Your friend thought it was weird. And I think your instinct is along the same lines which is why you’ve posted here. All the best x

I'd be willing to bet he was testing the water to see what kind of chat she'd be up for. Yuck.

They weren't raised, they were dragged up.
Low class oiks that don't know any better.
Sadly they do always seem to find their level in some woman.

No doubt OP's friends are having a right cringe on her behalf.

If I were the friend I’ve never want to speak to or see him again, never mind if I were the gf. He’s bad news. OP you have been handed your red flag, it’s up to you what you do with it.

Did he want to make your friends dislike him so they wouldn't want to meet up if you were with him? And then he could say "Oh your friends don't like me, don't go out with them, stay with me."
I had one like that.

I'd find it very embarrassing that my DP had said that to a friend, especially if it was the first time of meeting in the circumstances you describe. It's also just a revolting thing to say to anyone and about his ex (when he was there with you and they are your friends). Especially as the topic was completely uninvited and with a woman. That coupled with he'd had a couple of pints and was driving means he would make it to Christmas. Sorry OP but I'd deal with it quickly and dump him.

Thanks for the replies. I knew there’d be some extreme ones being the area I posted in so I expected that!

The fact that you think people are being extreme is very telling. Stick with him if that's you want but remember this...each time you accept this kind of behaviour, you are telling him that it is ok. It will not get better over time. If you don't mind being humiliated by someone who supposedly loves you, then crack on.

Your bar is low

So he got anal twice a yr? And told your friend that? Classy.

No not anal. It’s a job which isn’t a blow if you get my drift.

Raise your standards, drastically. What would anyone see in an immature person like him, who can't even make decent adult conversation with new acquaintances? What if he did that in front of your family or your co-workers? Bet your dad would be impressed.

And again, this is early stages when presumably he's trying to impress you. Imagine what he'll be like when he starts taking you for granted.

And this is him in the honeymoon period.

Do you really want a boyfriend you can't take anywhere because he's sexually inappropriate when meeting people?

Ick.

A hand job?

You can just say @Lurker25.

It seems telling that you're reluctant to name a sexual act on an anonymous forum that he's raising with friends of yours on first meeting.

10 months? Hes not a partner hes a boyfriend, Ive had blackheads longer than this. Get him gone, hes so weird.

Rim

Yes, it is embarrassing I’ve not denied that at all. Definitely got food for thought on what to do.

Cross post

So imagine you meet one of his male friends for the first time and in a totally unconnected conversation you tell him that your ex liked a bit of muff diving after Christmas dinner. How would your bf feel about that?