DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

I have terrible stomach issues as well, which causes me to burp ALOT! I often pass wind as well.

When I am with company I do my absolute level best to either hide it, be discreet or leave the room. But its not always possible and I will apologise. Its mortifying for me, but I really can't help it. I've just had another round of medical tests to try to find the cause, and still the Doctors have come up with zero.

The fact your inlaws are trying to be "obvious" with it, seems rather crass. I feel bad for their issues, but there should be decorum surely.

My other half has a horrible autoimmune illness which has really messed up his stomach and bowels. He STILL manages to excuse himself if we are out and he thinks there's going to be any sort of an, ahem, incident. If it's a flare-up, he will just stay home and doesn't socialise for that period.

And no we are not upright about farting!

he could declare that he's not lifting a finger and doing all the work for a family who shows no respect and no gratitude

that's only fair

They should be more careful what they eat though it can be hard when a nice roast is in offer. I am dairy and gluten intolerant and a lot of things give me trapped wind. My DM has ulcerated colitis so she also gets wind, and now she’s getting older she finds it harder to hold it in. Yes it’s pretty grim but if they hold it in they will feel pretty unwell. I would suggest a walk after Christmas lunch, at least then they can fart outside and hopefully get it all out before returning 😬

I think their attitude is the worst thing. It makes you uncomfortable and they are not trying to moderate it or hide it. I think it’s rude.

Invite them, feed them, and at the first fart open ALL the windows and doors and freeze them out!

Personally I’d just let DH do the hosting for Sunday dinners and Christmas. He can do the cooking and clearing and I’d just sit idly by. I wouldn’t be hosting people like that, so he can host them. Bet you did and do all the cooking and cleaning for these events..

I ha e a particular issue and know just how it feels to have rumbling Tim and bot. However, there is no way I would sit at a table and just let rip! Atrocious manners. Even if I had to spend most of the time in the loo! Dreadful example for your children.

I love when people say "only on MN". You know that posters come from the real world, don't you?

You hear TV presenters fart and burp loudly, do you?
You think people who burp and fart in interviews get the job?

It's very widely considered disgusting. Some posters on MN think it endearing, cute and funny, and feel it's cosy to fart in front of their partners. That's not the majority 😂

Yanbu I have stomach issues and can be seconds from oh shit I’ve shit. I’ve never ever once farted in my In-laws livingroom or around their dining table or in their kitchen.

I go to the bathroom like a civilised guest not some pig. If one did happen to squeak out I’d be mortified and apologise not sit there laughing with the children like a farty trumpet.

Diverticular not particular!!

I’d be in tears, frankly. I cannot tolerate bad smells and this would make me so, so sick and miserable. I’m autistic and smells are a serious sensory problem for me. I really have to work HARD to power through the occasional awful smell when caring for my dad with Alzheimer’s - he can’t help it and I would stick pins in my eyes before I’d make him feel uncomfortable, but the effort of not showing distress or disgust really depletes me. The fact that these people are doing this deliberately, on your furniture in your home, and that they think it’s funny…I would struggle to be around them or have any positive regard for them at all.

I agree a walk is a good solution and I would fine what their triggers are and don’t offer it.
Bet the kids find it hilarious but it’s unacceptable to do this in company.
If their digestive issues are so bad they should have the decency to avoid trigger foods when in company. I’m sure they could with a little effort.
We are a modern open family and the occasional fart is fine but it sounds if they’re enjoying themselves. Would they do this in the company of strangers?

Agree. I would hate this too. Unles someone ill or giving birth then no excuse in public.

If you have that level of control then clearly neither your stomach issues or your mobility are that bad.

I agree with you OP. If they went to the toilet I would think differently. Even if the toilet then smelt.

Surely the easiest solution is for you to not eat it?

Only on MN is farting considered disgusting

This is where I find MN fascinating. When what I consider a fairly middle of the road / normal attitude or opinion but I am considered an outlier by some MN posters.

In the real world I would find a couple of guests (or anyone really) happily constantly farting away in front of me and my family grim and very very odd. The fact they also had to audacity to blame the OP is so rude (and sounds like it was possibly deliberately orchestrated to me).

We normally go out for Christmas Dinner and then all walk home farting like troopers. You can't uninvite them. You can be a little less uptight.

Just see the funny side. Farts are hilarious, and far better out than in. 🤣 It does sound like you are the only uptight one in your house, so chill. Let people fart.

I just try to avoid triggering food and don’t sit there trying to push one out.

Triggering foods are for my own home. In fact when I’m having a real bad day I won’t leave the house apart from if I have to, I also don’t add more fuel to the fire.

Let them go for their pub dinner
Bet they wont see in the pub openly farting
Grim

The thing I find oddest about this thread is that you’re married with DC and you’ve never eaten dinner at your in laws’ house?!

I don’t understand how this is possible and I think the backstory where would give a lot more context to why you’re furious about a few(albeit uncouth) farts.

Tough one. I’d find it disgusting too. An accidental fart or two is one thing but having to breathe in their poo gas repeatedly while they laugh is too much. It’s hard when everyone else thinks it’s fine though. Toilet humour isn’t my thing.

I had this problem living with my mother in law. She was gross in a lot of ways but her farts were foul. Me and DP were sick of it as it happened so often, she had no shame about doing it in the kitchen when we were eating or purposely eating things that were guaranteed to stink out the bathroom. She didn’t care, just said she couldn’t help it and it’s natural. So of course we seemed like uptight bores to BIL and SIL when they visited and found her farts hilarious while our faces were like thunder.

So you would sit in someone else's house farting away? Would you not apologise? Would you blame the host for preparing dairy food - even though you put it on your own plate?

It’s rude of them and they should go into the toilet. I wouldn’t be able to handle this as it really makes me feel bad listening to anyone breaking wind. I would tell them to either behave or not bother coming at all for the meal.