Page 2 | DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

Christmasdayissue · 2025-12-01T18:10:45+00:00

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU. Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space. Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’. DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue. I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

Hankunamatata · 01/12/2025 18:26

My mother has problems with excess wind due to various medical problems. She is super embarrassed by it and tries to pretend its not happening. If she apologised everytime she would be excusing herself constantly.

Meadowfinch · 01/12/2025 18:27

God, how disgusting. And ill mannered. But he has presented you with the perfect solution. Off he goes to the pub with his uncouth family then.

You can stay at home and eat Christmas lunch with your dcs, in your fragrant unpolluted new home.

It doesn't sound like he is any great loss.

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:31

Absolutely revolting.

I can't comprehend people being so rude and obnoxious - no respect for you or your home. I bet they behave when they have a job interview or something important.

I would tell DH he's welcome to take them to the pub, but in the future, I would never invite them again.

The idea of a walk is not a bad one, but people like that am sure are lazy and will come up with an excuse not to move from their lazy backside.

Good luck, you can't choose your in-laws but yours sound especially dreadful.

TheAutumnCrow · 01/12/2025 18:32

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:14

I didn’t put anything in their mouths. They self served what they wanted and didn’t care for the consequences.

Show quote history

Could you and/or your DP be arsed to try serving them up a trial low FODMAP roast dinner?

Meat, gravy without any onion or garlic powder, limited greens (definitely no cabbage, leek, sprouts etc), some potatoes and carrots with seasoning and thyme. Then see what happens?

What exactly were they eating before Fartgate??

ETA: sorry, OP, missed the boat on your updates - reading now!

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:32

Meadowfinch · 01/12/2025 18:27

God, how disgusting. And ill mannered. But he has presented you with the perfect solution. Off he goes to the pub with his uncouth family then.

You can stay at home and eat Christmas lunch with your dcs, in your fragrant unpolluted new home.

It doesn't sound like he is any great loss.

yes, because it's normal to have guests burping and farting proudly😂

The standards of some people are shockingly low.

StruggleFlourish · 01/12/2025 18:33

When I first started reading this, I thought the situation was going to be that you've recently moved into a new home and you have limited space and you really can't add more people to your table as a hostess, comfortably....

But instead, the problem is that your mother-in-law and sister-in-law have digestive issues, and you feel that they fart too much.
And because of this, you're going to uninvite them for Christmas.
Wow. Wasn't exactly expecting that.

So how would this be any different if you went to their house for a meal or if you went to a restaurant? I would assume they would be tooting just as much in their own house because after all, it's their home, and a restaurant you'd probably be mortified at the audible flatulence...

So, should you just be serving them a meal with clear broth and a chaser of Pepto-Bismol? Or give them a pillow to sit on post dessert so that their farts will be muffled?
Not really sure what the answer is but, kind of gross to be around people who think tooting is a form of entertainment and are so comfortable with it that they don't even think twice about it but, you also don't want to be in sensitive to people who have medical issues. It's a fine line.

I have every sympathy in the world for people who have medical problems that they have had to deal with and issues that we would considered to be embarrassing they have no choice but to live with daily (I've had many friends who have had to where catheters or stoma bags, who have had to wear adult diapers, who have had severe mobility and coordination issues so they end up spilling all over themselves... These are horribly embarrassing for those of us who are able-bodied and healthy, but have become a part of daily life for people with problems...
But on the other hand I've known a lot of people, usually men, who seem to find amusement and entertainment in flatulence, they seem to think nothing about settling in and ripping off a big stinky toot, and there's nothing physically wrong with them, they're just juvenile in their behavior and, that I don't think should be acceptable in most social situations. But how do you know where to draw the line between rudeness and acceptance because of medical issue? You already said that they have stomach problems so, okay. This may be unavoidable for them.

At least your young children found this situation to be hilariously entertaining, so that's something.

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 01/12/2025 18:33

I wouldn't tell them they can't come - don't do sprouts

Original poster

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:36

StruggleFlourish · 01/12/2025 18:33

When I first started reading this, I thought the situation was going to be that you've recently moved into a new home and you have limited space and you really can't add more people to your table as a hostess, comfortably....

But instead, the problem is that your mother-in-law and sister-in-law have digestive issues, and you feel that they fart too much.
And because of this, you're going to uninvite them for Christmas.
Wow. Wasn't exactly expecting that.

So how would this be any different if you went to their house for a meal or if you went to a restaurant? I would assume they would be tooting just as much in their own house because after all, it's their home, and a restaurant you'd probably be mortified at the audible flatulence...

So, should you just be serving them a meal with clear broth and a chaser of Pepto-Bismol? Or give them a pillow to sit on post dessert so that their farts will be muffled?
Not really sure what the answer is but, kind of gross to be around people who think tooting is a form of entertainment and are so comfortable with it that they don't even think twice about it but, you also don't want to be in sensitive to people who have medical issues. It's a fine line.

I have every sympathy in the world for people who have medical problems that they have had to deal with and issues that we would considered to be embarrassing they have no choice but to live with daily (I've had many friends who have had to where catheters or stoma bags, who have had to wear adult diapers, who have had severe mobility and coordination issues so they end up spilling all over themselves... These are horribly embarrassing for those of us who are able-bodied and healthy, but have become a part of daily life for people with problems...
But on the other hand I've known a lot of people, usually men, who seem to find amusement and entertainment in flatulence, they seem to think nothing about settling in and ripping off a big stinky toot, and there's nothing physically wrong with them, they're just juvenile in their behavior and, that I don't think should be acceptable in most social situations. But how do you know where to draw the line between rudeness and acceptance because of medical issue? You already said that they have stomach problems so, okay. This may be unavoidable for them.

At least your young children found this situation to be hilariously entertaining, so that's something.

We’ve had meals at restaurants with them before and they’ve managed to behave. Never ate at either of their houses (thankfully) as I dread to think what they’d be like.

OP posts:

Sassylovesbooks · 01/12/2025 18:36

OP, as I said previously I have stomach issues, and certain foods play havoc with me, and on top I have an intolerance to onion, garlic, leeks, mustard, black pepper. I would absolutely agree with the poster suggesting a walk after lunch, it helps digestion but also helps to push wind out!! Also ask if there are foods you shouldn't cook. I can't eat sprouts, very little cabbage/cauliflower.

Yellowshirt · 01/12/2025 18:37

I couldn’t put up with excessive farting. The stench from 2 people openly doing it must be horrible.

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:38

If you MUST have them,
I would have my Christmas Diner on Christmas Eve, and/or Boxing day

and serve lean fish and courgette for lunch, something as light as their stomach as possible, and give a pizza to the kids.

If DH has an opinion, he's welcome to cook the entire meal instead.

Original poster

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:38

If you MUST have them,
I would have my Christmas Diner on Christmas Eve, and/or Boxing day

and serve lean fish and courgette for lunch, something as light as their stomach as possible, and give a pizza to the kids.

If DH has an opinion, he's welcome to cook the entire meal instead.

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

OP posts:

AnotherNameChange1234567 · 01/12/2025 18:41

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:14

I didn’t put anything in their mouths. They self served what they wanted and didn’t care for the consequences.

Show quote history

What are they intolerant to?

What did you cook, and what options were available if they didn’t eat their trigger foods?

It may be that suggestions can be made to adapt Christmas lunch to avoid the 🍑 💨

vincettenoir · 01/12/2025 18:42

If you want to try and discourage the farting in front of your kids or make different plans for next year then that’s reasonable enough. But I think uninviting them is disproportionate and it sounds like it will hurt your DH.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:44

There is no way in a million years I would allow my festive Christmas to be tainted in that manner.

Clearly they have contempt and disrespect for you, OP. Would they do that at their neighbours' or their bosses' homes? Of course not.

Let him take them out to the pub. They've shown what they are.

Gfdeh · 01/12/2025 18:44

Yanbu.
You clearly married down.
Really down.
That your husband thinks such vile behaviour is normal tells you so much.
Can you go to your family for Christmas and let him and the dregs go to the pub?

25percentoffeverything · 01/12/2025 18:45

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

Show quote history

But that's her "them problem" 😂

If she doesn't accept the diner served on the day, she's welcome to stop in McDonald on the way home

You don't ask for people's opinion when you host.

user1471453601 · 01/12/2025 18:46

As an old person I fart far more often than I used to. Apparently it's a thing that happens as you age.

Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

we all fart. I used to excuse my self and leave the room when I was younger. These days, I've no idea a fart is pending. The good news is, my old age farts don't seem to smell.

Unless, oh no, I've also lost my sense of smell 😏

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:47

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:40

Respectfully to DSIL, she ahem likes her food let’s just say so I can’t imagine her accepting a measly portion of fish for her dinner! But I appreciate the suggestion

Show quote history

I can picture it.

If you cannot uninvite them, can you just do a few finger foods? With windows open and copious incense or scented candles burning. And a perfumed hankie at hand.

And have your festive meal on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, sans them? i wouldn't go to the trouble of preparing a big meal for people who are openly disrespectful of me.

Also your husband should have your back.

user1471453601 · 01/12/2025 18:47

As an old person I fart far more often than I used to. Apparently it's a thing that happens as you age.

Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

we all fart. I used to excuse my self and leave the room when I was younger. These days, I've no idea a fart is pending. The good news is, my old age farts don't seem to smell.

Unless, oh no, I've also lost my sense of smell 😏

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 18:47

Op while I hate the idea of the lack of an excuse me, especially in front of the kids, I can’t help but think reverse it- imagine your dh saying it to you, that your family aren’t welcome

Hedgehogx · 01/12/2025 18:47

It`s a fart just wind we all do it, they have to come out at some point.

However i understand you op i really do, my exs family was like this without the belly isuses.
They would fart let rip on purpose thinking it was funny.
It was disgusting.
I get that sometimes it cant be helped and the odd one pops out, but not like that.
And the smell would make me reach.

Op my advice is to have lunch outside i dont think i could breath indoors.

Original poster

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:48

Tryingatleast · 01/12/2025 18:47

Op while I hate the idea of the lack of an excuse me, especially in front of the kids, I can’t help but think reverse it- imagine your dh saying it to you, that your family aren’t welcome

If they behaved like them then I’d genuinely understand it, but they wouldn’t dare thankfully.

OP posts:

Original poster

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:48

Hedgehogx · 01/12/2025 18:47

It`s a fart just wind we all do it, they have to come out at some point.

However i understand you op i really do, my exs family was like this without the belly isuses.
They would fart let rip on purpose thinking it was funny.
It was disgusting.
I get that sometimes it cant be helped and the odd one pops out, but not like that.
And the smell would make me reach.

Op my advice is to have lunch outside i dont think i could breath indoors.

Outside wouldn’t work, we haven’t had the chance to do the garden and whilst there’s a patio we’d need to get heaters etc, just too much faff!

OP posts:

CheeseIsMyIdol · 01/12/2025 18:49

Get them some of those charcoal-filtered flatulence pants and send over ahead of time. Slap some stickers on them and say "Santa sent you your Christmas Day knickers ... please be sure to wear them."