DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

This and it would be extremely rude for u to cancel xmas arrangements now.
Fwiw, I am a hcp and there are some intestinal diagnoses can cause excessive flatulence that can be difficult to control

https://www.amazon.co.uk/tootles-Womens-Flatulence-Filtering-Hugger/dp/B0DTP5GK9D/ref=sr_1_3

If you still need ideas for Christmas.

Could you message them 'apologising' for the roast causing them stomach issues (blame DP on not clueing you up beforehand if necessary), and ask whether you can cater differently/provide alternatives on xmas day?

Too right they wouldn't because they would be asked to leave. Because it's considered rude

If they knew what was on offer and accepted the invitation (and the free food) knowing what would happen, their behaviour was unacceptable

FFS Who really lives like this ??!! I have never been in the company of people in any capacity including in laws ,friends ,colleagues or the general public where this has occured or been considered acceptable. Raise your standards MN. And I wouldn't be able to not remark on it . No embarrassment obviously so why not say how disgusting you find it.

"Fart walks" are all the rage: wapo.st/4irl3IC

OP later goes on to say they don't do this in restaurants, so they can help it. And, it would probably have gone some way towards the OP thinking better of them, if they had been a bit apologetic and not shrugged off her feelings

don't be so passive. You warn them before hand and you pay attention to what you eat.

With your attitude, if you came to mine i would instruct you to bring your own.

I wouldn't like to be in the same room as someone farting. I wouldn't take it go this extreme though. You are hugely unreasonable to uninvite them to Christmas, I wouldn't even uninvite someone for this if I was single, uninviting your DHs family to you're shared home is even worse. It's very controlling to prevent your DH having family over at Xmas, it would be fair if they were abusive, but for passing wind is absolute madness!
If my DH tried this, I'd be considering divorce. If a friend came to me and told me there spouse was trying this I would think the spouse either doesn't like the family and are trying to manage them out or they are abusive and are trying to isolate them from their family.
How is this impacting your DC? Do you make them leave the room to pass wind?

Behaving in such a boorish and disgusting manner - particularly when you are a guest in someone else’s house? Completely unacceptable. I would have asked them to refrain at the time, politely.

Had they refused, or made light of it - I would have held my tongue until they had left, before informing DH that you would not be hosting them for Xmas, given their digestive issues. DH’s threat to take them to the pub for Xmas lunch (presumably with DC) would have been met with my agreement - and if was not invited, I would happily take myself off to spend the day with friends/other family.

I would loudly say to dc “we don’t do that, as it’s disgusting” when they keep farting and being gross. 🤮

Exactly. No one I know finds anything humorous about this topic. We don’t even mention when the dog does it.

I’m picturing Onslow-type people cackling away. No thanks.

They are not hilarious. Really. They’re not.

It’s very inconsiderate to host people who get unwell from certain foods and then insist on cooking those foods when they come over. It’s much easier to skip those foods when occasionally hosting than it is for people with intolerances and allergies to dodge them every day for their whole lives, especially at social events when they aren’t the ones cooking and have no control over the ingredients. I can absolutely see why in those circumstances some people might think to themselves “fuck it, im just going to eat what i want and deal with the consequences later.” It seems fair to me that if the OP knew what she was doing then she can suffer the consequences too!

My dad and brother fart a lot and I find it so grim.

I also worked with a woman who had IBS and would intentionally walk over and fart everywhere during lunch time and it would it everyone off their food but she thought it was hilarious.

I don’t mind the odd one because sometimes you can’t help it but you would at least try and step out of the room.

Its disgusting everyone has to sit there in a room stinking of farts.

But I think you’re being slightly dramatic and have gone from 0-100.

I think DH should just ask them to stop next time and use the excuse about setting an example for the kids.

I think as a PP suggested, a walk sounds a great idea and even if they and DH wants to stay home, you could use the excuse of wanting to get the kids energy out.

This happens to me when I eat wheat, but there are so many things I love that have wheat in them.

Okay Ive read OP's updates and... I've come to the conclusion that this is not acceptable behavior.

You say these two in-law women have digestive issues (of some description),
That they know there are certain foods that might set them off but they do not avoid the foods that give them the rumbles.

Being quite polite about it you've said that they're food pigs, that they eat and eat a lot.

Then again, being polite about it, you said that their favorite activity post meal is to retire to the sitting room, lift their cheeks, and try to outdo each other with massive toots... So this is actually more of a form of entertainment for them than embarrassment

You say your husband is great, and you don't have a problem with him, but he sees nothing wrong with his relatives behavior, and in terms of hosting a meal, he can't do anything to help cuz all he knows how to do is load the dishwasher (but has many other admirable qualities)

You've said that when you guys go out for a restaurant meal, they don't do this behavior. So in other words, it is controllable.

Reading all of this, I would be running out of sympathy for this pair, also.

Breaking wind is a natural digestive process, we all do it, but I'm sure you're trying to raise your children to be polite in social situations and that would include, if you've got to do it, try to go somewhere private and if you must in public, to excuse yourself. That these two wind bags are setting a bad example for the kids.

If they genuinely had some kind of serious medical issue, and really were trying to avoid their trigger foods, and were trying to be polite about it but couldn't help the flatulence, then I would say you're being prudish.

The way you describe it, they eat everything in sight, don't care for the consequences and, although they can control themselves in public, they think it's funny to faff in private. I've never been a connoisseur of fart jokes or fart entertainment or fart amusement. That's really more of a prepubescent boy thing.
Yeah it's a real shame that you've got this pair is in-laws.

Just asking, aside from this issue, do you get along with them pretty good in other situations? Like are they supportive of you and your family, accepting, interested in your lives, involved, respectful, all those good things? Or do they just like to come to your house for a big meal and a farting contest?

I'm sorry you have to put up with this. After reading all of your updates, I'd have to agree with you. It's unpleasant and unnecessary and I don't blame you for not wanting to have them as guests

Insist on a walk straight after the food?!

there is zero indication this is what happened.

They stuffed their faces, farted all over the place then blamed OP?
Whereas: they could have told the DH about food intolerances, not eaten foods they are intolerant to and definitely not made a disgusting game of farting all afternoon.

OP - tell your DH to take them out for lunch, and see them afterwards.

I wouldnt want to spend Christmas day smelling other peoples farts. Tell you DP to go round to their house for dinner and stay home in peace and fresh air

Fucking disgusting 🤢🤢🤢

Won't dh be very lucky to get a table for Christmas lunch on Christmas day.
Down here everywhere gets booked by Sept/Oct !

Either find out the triggers and avoid and if your Dh won’t get on board with this and telling them not to do it (I’d be puking, I’m very bad with people farting/burping, it makes me gag) then tell him to crack on going round to theirs for Christmas, it’ll save you a fortune and you have a great time at home with the dc.

Both women sound appallingly uncouth.

Why can't you ALL just go and have Xmas dinner out?