DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

Well if you are genuinely interested in learning to "soften and flower" your delivery, a good starting point would be to understand that calling people "chavs" (not encouraged on these threads) or talking about antisocial behaviour is not at all an equivalent to labelling these people "animals."

No, this misunderstanding is not on me, dear. The above sounds like you’re lecturing me on not calling people chavs to me. I understand that quite clearly, as you also refer to the Animals remark, which I own and did in fact say.

Because they do, act like animals 🙂

How else would you describe people who drink to the point where they shit in their sh*t in their clothes, and have to be cut out of them because they’re so intoxicated. Or pissing in someone else’s livelihood in a minibus. (See my original post if you don’t follow) That is absolutely vile behaviour. What’s the bigger crime, their actions or me labelling them animals 😂

Okay I actually do give up on you now. You are beyond reasoning with.

It may "sound" to you like I was saying that, but, if you read it carefully, I was not.

I was explaining that your comment that British people call people chavs is actually not the same thing as the comments you made in the paragraph I quoted form your post, and for you to suggest it is in any way equivalent is not accurate.

It is a little weird that you are on the one hand claiming English as a third language and yet on the other hand asserting that I am the one not understanding what I have said.

But you are clearly unapologetic for what was actually a pretty lurid categorisation of British women on the basis of a handful of incidents you seem to have witnessed, so we'll leave it there.

I was explaining that your comment that British people call people chavs is actually not the same thing as the comments you made in the paragraph

That’s not what you were saying at all.

She clearly said several times that people who act this way are in the minority, she’s free to have an opinion on unsavoury behaviour. And your constant use of inverted commas and general tone is condescending, yet you berate her for being rude. Your posts are not making you come across as well as you think you do.

Not true. Lots of us would mind. It also depends on how you were brought up as well as your own personal icks.

It’s bizarre to just say ‘yeah northerners are fine with it’ isn’t it? We aren’t all just uncouth you know. Some of us have manners. Shock!

If you follow that thread I asked if there was a north/ south divide because no one I know would care.

Read the whole chain.

I said no one I know would care, then clarified I’m from the North and no one would care.

Jesus

Maybe you could do with a bit of a laugh

As if I’m going to read every post. I always make sure I read all the OPs and after that I read any others I fancy reading. I read ‘North: no one would care’ which was made as a standalone statement. And disagreed. Not sure what that’s got to do with ‘needing a laugh?’ Such a bizarre snipey reply 😆

@Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim oh yeah I’ve just realised it was part of that little combo chain. But it still reads like you’re saying no one in the north would care in relation to the N/S divide. Which isn’t true. Loads of people in the North would care just obviously not the people you hang about with I guess?

It says more about her and her social circle, than us who apparently could “do with a laugh”

🙄 oh you’ve hurt my feelings

I was thinking about the people who are saying it’s not impolite to openly break wind (and laugh at it).

Would you do it in the following situations?

At a job interview
A funeral
During the two minute silence on Remembrance Day.
At your child’s school nativity.

If you think (for example) noooo farting during a job interview wouldt be good…then you must know it’s not okay or socially acceptable you’re just pretending you don’t.

To answer your question politely:

It’d be socially unacceptable to do lots of things in those situations. Laugh out loud. Start talking loudly. Answer your phone. Eat crisps.

It doesn’t mean those things can’t be done in front of your own family at home.

I’d hate for Christmas at my house to be likened to a job interview or a funeral.

I would fart in all of those situations if I had to, but would try to let it out quietly particularly during the Remembrance Day silence. In all of those instances, there is an expectation that people will be quiet if they are not actively participating at the time. Like just about everyone I know, I would not be able to hold a fart is and I think it would look extremely strange if I got up mid interview, left the room, farted, and csme back in. None of the situations you’ve given are remotely similar to a close relative farting after a big meal at their child’s home.

So you’d fart in a job interview?

She'd let it out silently - lest it forced its way at volume.

If I had to, of course. As I said, I would try to let it out as quietly as possible. If I was interviewing someone for a job and they got up, left the room, stood outside for a matter of seconds to fart, and then came back in, I would find it very strange indeed. Far more do than if they let out a little parp during the discussions. If most people had the luxury of being able to hold their wind in indefinitely while they finish what could be a lengthy interview, for a funeral service, or even long enough to leave a room at home and go to the lavatory, ridiculous threads like this wouldn’t exist.

That’s different though. That’s not ‘openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide it’ as in the OP.

I am finding this funny btw I’m not some prude but I’m fascinated about how different people are and it did make me laugh thinking of people openly loudly farting during the two minute silence. Or maybe they’d manage to hold it in until the bugle, then let rip?

Interesting.

None of the activities you mention involve forcing the putrid emanations of one’s bowels onto others. There is no comparison to laughing or eat crisps.

So your husband has no respect for your feelings....

One of my relatives has Trimethylaminuria.

What do you suggest we do with him? Exclude him from Christmas?

I can’t stop thinking about the comparison of Christmas and a funeral 😂😂😂😂

I wasn’t saying they were the same - I was offering scenarios where you’d more than likely not openly break wind as you’re aware it’s not a particularly pleasant thing to do. Here’s another way of explaining it. Breathing is a normal bodily function which you wouldn’t restrict (obviously) in ANY situation. Farting is also a bodily function but many people DO restrict this in some situations as they would feel
it impolite to openly fart in such a situation, So I’m suggesting people ARE aware of this norm and can hold it in in situations such as funerals as it would be disrespectful. So why not hold it in at someone else’s home at Christmas. Because of lack of either care (doesn’t bother anyone) or lack of respect (I know it’s impolite but I’m doing it anyway). Or the third less common scenario you have literally zero control over your sphincter. muscles. My lovely great grandma would fart every time she walked which she couldn’t help by 90 but she was also exceptionally well mannered so would actually be saying excuse me afterwards. Even in her own home. AND she was Northern 😱😱

I genuinely think it’s going to make me laugh all Christmas

”Would you wear a Santa hat at a FUNERAL?”

😂😂😂